


gone and not sorry about it

by burstofpeony



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Leaves the Horde, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, F/F, POV Adora (She-Ra), POV Catra (She-Ra), Past Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Scorpia (She-Ra) is a Good Friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 44,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26451031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burstofpeony/pseuds/burstofpeony
Summary: Exactly one day after the Horde opens the portal and everything is changed forever, Catra disappears.In the following months, Hordak, too devastated by Entrapta’s ‘betrayal’ to organize any attacks, falls into a deep depression and, without Catra to help, leaves the Horde to crumble, paving an easy path to victory for the princesses.The war ends, and the world continues.Adora never stops wondering where Catra went.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 288





	1. files

**Author's Note:**

> In this, Shadow Weaver is off fucking around in some jail, and doesn’t make an entrance :). Also Horde Prime doesn’t exist for plot convenience.  
> disclaimer: all characters (except for ocs) belong to She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) on Netflix.

Catra was gone.

She had disappeared. 

One day she was fighting with Adora in the portal, and the next she had completely vanished.

All of their spies in the Fright Zone confirmed it. Everyone woke up one day, reeling from the portal debacle, and Catra was just… gone.

“Do you think she’s planning something?” Adora murmured, glancing at Bow.

He shook his head slightly. “I feel like we should be more concerned about Glimmer right now, Adora. Maybe Catra just… had a change of heart. From what you said, what went down in the portal was pretty serious.”

Adora scoffed. “How could you say that? This is  _ Catra _ we’re talking about-”

Bow raised his hands up, conceding the point. “Hey, you know her better than I do.”

Adora clenched her jaw, stamping down on the urge to yell.

She hated when they said stuff like that. Like Catra hadn’t completely changed since she left the Horde, like an entire  _ year _ hadn’t gone by since they’d properly talked without fighting immediately afterward.

Adora had certainly changed. One could only expect that Catra had too.

Glimmer walked in the room then, face ghostly pale and eyes red, and Adora forced thoughts of Catra from her mind.

Bow was right, Glimmer needed them more than Catra did.

Adora stood, brushing stray dust off her black dress, and offered an arm to Glimmer, who took it without looking at her.

“You ready?” Bow murmured, taking Glimmer’s other arm.

Glimmer squared her shoulders and fixed the veil in front of her face.

“Let’s go,” she said quietly, voice weak.

The three entered the room, and when Adora saw the sea of black in front of her and Angella’s picture on a podium, something cracked within her, and it was all she could do to not collapse on the floor and start weeping. 

She could only imagine how Glimmer felt.

She and Bow led Glimmer up to the podium, each step more difficult than the last. When they reached the front, Adora squeezed her hand and released her, sitting down in the front row. She noted how Bow’s seemingly chaste kiss on the cheek lingered a little too long, but didn’t comment when he sat down next to her. 

With warm sunlight shining down upon her, Bow’s hand in hers, and Glimmer’s soft voice echoing through the room, Adora allowed one tear to slip down her face, allowed the guilt to consume her for one second, and then straightened, locking eyes with Angella’s picture, and felt everything else fall away.

~~*~~

Adora was hunched over the table, burning eyes roving over reports and plans, stomach growling, when she heard the news.

Mermista burst into the room, breathless and panting.

Adora straightened, hand going to the sword, but before she could transform, Mermista yelled, “Glimmer just fucking  _ killed _ Hordak.” 

Mermista turned and ran back out the door, screaming the news to the empty hallway.

Adora blinked, wondering if she had just imagined that, then took off after Mermista, catching her quickly.

“ _ Mermista!  _ What did you just say?” Adora asked, not allowing herself to believe it.

“Did you not--? Adora, you fucking idiot, Glimmer just  _ killed _ Hordak.”

Adora laughed a little, even though she didn’t feel like laughing, and repeated, “ _ What _ ?”

Mermista groaned. “I don’t know! Bow just radioed, fully hysterical, screaming and all that, and said that Glimmer just walked into the Fright Zone and lopped his head off.”

“That’s not… that’s not possible- how could she…? I literally just saw her ten minutes ago!”

Mermista shrugged. “I don’t know, Adora, go ask her.”

“She’s  _ here _ ?” Adora asked, mouth dropping open.

Mermista turned around and started jogging off. “Yes, Adora! God.”

Adora blinked.

Holy shit.

She turned on her heel and ran, sprinting to Glimmer’s room. 

She turned corners faster than ever, slipping on the newly waxed floors, nearly crashing into four different guards, all in the same state of disarray she was.

When Adora reached Glimmer’s room, barely skidding to a stop before hitting the doorway, breaths coming in shallow, short bursts, Glimmer was standing in the middle of the room, splattered with blood and grime, eyes wide.

A beat passed, two, three, four. 

_ Hordak is dead, Glimmer killed him, she lopped his head off, Glimmer fucking killed Hordak-- _

“Glimmer… what did you do?” Adora whispered, sagging against the doorway, not trusting herself to go any farther into the room.

Glimmer turned petrified eyes to hers. “I… ended it, Adora. I… finally ended it.” 

Adora forced herself to take a step towards Glimmer, cautious and guarded. “Are you… okay?”

Glimmer laughed, but it was hauntingly devoid of emotion, mutely ringing out into the air like a broken bell. “It was deserted, Adora. Everyone had left. Hordak was just sitting there, clutching this rock or something… he didn’t even fight back.”

_ Everyone had left. _

Adora felt like she had taken a punch to the gut. 

“Hordak’s…  _ dead _ .”

“It’s all over.”

Glimmer choked on a sob and collapsed on the floor.

Adora took one step towards her, a staggering, difficult step, tears welling up in her eyes. 

She lowered herself to the floor, leaning back against the wall, Glimmer curled up, weeping, next to her.

They sat like that for a while.

Five months after Angella had died, it was all over.

~~*~~

Bells pealed, making Adora’s head pound mercilessly, but she maintained a happy smile. Bow and Glimmer’s engagement party should only have good, happy things, after all. A frowning She-Ra wasn’t included.

“Adora!” 

Adora turned, an easy smile sliding on her face when she saw Glimmer, resplendent in purple, running towards her.

“Don’t trip!” Bow called after her, dressed in a loose, flowing linen suit.

Glimmer didn’t, even in her heels, and flung herself at Adora, who caught her easily, swinging her around, a happy laugh bubbling out of her.

“Adora, fuck you! I haven’t seen you in forever!” 

Adora put Glimmer down, releasing her just in time for Bow to reach them, enveloping Adora in a quick hug then settling back with Glimmer, arms looped around each other.

“Where’ve you been? It’s been, like, three months since we’ve seen you,” Bow said, a gleam in his eyes that Adora hadn’t ever seen before. 

It matched the one in Glimmer’s eyes.

“It’s been, like, three months since Hordak was killed,” Adora mimicked, smile flickering slightly. “I’ve been all over, helping with rehabilitation efforts. It goes faster when you’ve got She-Ra there, after all.”

They both nodded, grinning. “I’m so happy you’re here! You haven’t even heard how Bow proposed,” Glimmer said. 

Adora nodded and smiled, and settled in for a story she’d already heard twenty times. Gossip traveled fast across the kingdoms, after all.

Their outdoor party, which the entire kingdom was invited to, stretched miles and miles. The sun was setting, which cast everything in a warm, pink glow. It made Adora happy, _ so happy _ , for Glimmer and Bow.

Glimmer had decided to have this party, even with the sudden return of her dad, who was still in the hospital, recovering from Beast Island.

Adora was there for their reunion. It wasn’t pretty.

But it had been two months since Beast Island, and Glimmer was finally smiling again.

Entrapta had even come out for this, even though she hadn’t left her rooms in those two months. When Adora had asked Perfuma about Entrapta (the only one who regularly saw her), Perfuma just shook her head and whispered something about Beast Island having some lasting effects on her. 

“... And, of course, I said yes.”

Adora smiled. “And when’s the wedding?” 

They both snuck glances at each other, giggling. 

Glimmer leaned in, whispering in Adora’s ear, “Actually, we’ve already had it.”

Adora blinked. “I’m so- what?”

Bow’s smile seemed strained now. “Last week, we just brought in a priestess and-”

Glimmer cut him off. “We just couldn’t wait any longer, you know?”

A beat passed, one where Glimmer and Bow’s desperately hopeful faces absolutely destroyed Adora.

They had gotten married, without inviting her. Not even that, without even  _ telling _ her.

“That’s  _ so _ great, you guys!” She finally said, hoping the smile on her face looked real. 

Based on Bow’s face, it didn’t.

Glimmer laughed, a tinge of nervousness shining through. “You aren’t…  _ mad _ , are you?”

Adora forced out a laugh. “No! Why would I be? Just because it seems quick, and I wasn’t told, and you didn’t invite anyone… why would I be mad?”

“It was just a spur of moment thing, and we didn’t know whether you were in Salineas or Plumeria…” Glimmer trailed off, looking up at Adora with uncertain eyes.

Adora forced out another laugh. “Don’t be sorry! I’m just--  _ so  _ happy for you guys. So  _ fucking _ happy.”

Bow’s eyes widened, and Adora didn’t miss the protective hand he put on Glimmer’s shoulder.

Good. Good, good, good, good. 

She hadn’t been invited to her best friends’ wedding, she hadn’t even-- good, good, good.

Glimmer smiled tightly. “Adora…?”

Adora saw a glimpse of purple hair. Entrapta.

“Oh! There’s Entrapta! I haven’t seen her in forever-- I’m gonna… I’m gonna go, right now.”

She ignored their calls after her, just whipped around and walked off quickly, towards where Entrapta was standing, staring at the table laden with food.

“Entrapta!” Adora squeaked out, barely able to conceal her frustration anymore.

Entrapta’s eyes slid to her, dull and lifeless. “Hi, Adora. Haven’t seen you since Beast Island.”

Adora nodded, curiosity piqued by Entrapta’s… lack. 

“Everything okay?” Adora asked quietly, grabbing a cup and filling it to the top with wine. 

Entrapta shook her head. “No.”

Adora took a gulp of wine. “Want to talk about it?”

“There’s not much to say.” 

Adora shrugged. “Okay. I’m going to go sit over here, wanna come with?”

Adora filled up her cup again and made her way over to a bunch of benches at the edge of the party.

How could they have not invited her to their  _ wedding _ ? A wedding which they had after, what? One month of being together, which seemed disastrous to Adora, but hey, what did she know about love?

Absolutely fucking nothing. 

She hadn’t even noticed that Entrapta had followed her until she started talking.

“Adora, I’m going to tell you something.”

Adora turned her head slightly, eyebrows raising slightly at Entrapta’s strained tone. “Uh, yeah?” 

“I was in love with Hordak.”

Adora choked on her mouthful of wine, barely managing to spit it out before it got all over her dress.

“You…  _ loved  _ him?”

Entrapta nodded, fiddling with her hair. “It makes no rational sense, I know.”

Adora wiped some wine off of her chin, wide eyes still staring at Entrapta, whose hair was almost bright pink in the light. “Um, yeah, kinda. No offense.”

Entrapta shrugged. “I’m leaving tomorrow. Don’t tell anyone.” 

“Lea-  _ leaving _ ?”

It was times like these when Adora desperately wished she was more articulate.

Entrapta nodded. “It’s the only rational option, really. I can’t look Glimmer in the eye. I can’t look anyone in the eye right now, just because I feel… like I was given this grace, when he wasn’t. I was a willing part of the Horde too, you know.”

Adora forced herself to sip the wine, concealing the way her face drained of color.

“He did bad things. But I miss him.”

Adora’s stomach flipped, and she didn’t think it was because of the wine. 

“I think you’re the only one who truly understands this feeling,” Entrapta whispered.

Adora swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Where are you gonna go?” Adora finally asked, voice soft, leaning back and closing her eyes. 

“Wherever Catra went.”

Adora choked on her wine again, this time splattering it all over her dress. “You- where  _ did _ Catra go?”

“No idea. But Scorpia and I are heading out tomorrow, and we’re going to find her.” 

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

Entrapta glanced at her. “You want to come, don’t you?”

Adora took another sip of her wine, trying to disguise her desperation. “I…”

Entrapta shrugged. “I’m going to send you a letter once we get there. You can decide then.”

Adora’s heart thudded dully in her chest. “Okay.”

Silence.

“Entrapta?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever feel left behind?”

“Yeah.”

As the sun set, they sat side by side silently, both sharing an experience they didn’t want to.

~~*~~

“Adora!”

Adora turned, stomach sinking when she saw Perfuma running towards her.  “Hey, Perfuma--”

“Have you seen Entrapta?” She asked, eyes desperate, wringing her hands.

Adora laughed nervously, and she lifted a hand to rub at the back of her neck. “Um… I--”

Perfuma’s face twisted. “You know where she is, don’t you?” 

“No! I just… she mentioned she was leaving--”

“ _ Leaving _ ? And you didn’t think to tell me?” Perfuma demanded, and Adora winced as a few thorn brushes burst out of the marble floors around them.

“She, um, well, she said you knew, so I just… assumed…” Adora trailed off, resisting the urge to explode into She- Ra and run away.

Perfuma groaned, clenching her fist and the bushes disappeared. “I’m sorry, it’s just… I was in charge of her, you know? And now… she's gone, oh my god.” 

Adora blinked. “Uh yeah.”

Perfuma ran a tired hand over her face. “I’m just so tired, Adora. Plumeria is… suffering. We got hit hard by the Horde, and I’ve been telling the people, ‘the money to rebuild is coming!’, you know, but… it isn’t. People are leaving in droves. Our population hasn’t been this low in centuries.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Can… can I hug you?” Perfuma asked, voice small.

Adora nodded.

Perfuma flung her arms over Adora’s shoulders and sagged into her, silent tears soaking into her shirt.

Adora awkwardly folded her arms over Perfuma’s back.

They stood like that for a long time, at least a couple of minutes, until Glimmer came around the corner, four guards in tow, and Perfuma extricated herself from Adora’s arms with a watery smile. 

“Thank you,” she murmured, and walked off.

Glimmer shooed off the guards and came bouncing over to Adora with a grin, the weirdness from the other day apparently forgotten. “Is… is that a thing now?”

Adora managed a laugh, stomach still rolling when she saw the ring on her finger.

_ Left behind. _

“Now you’re just seeing stuff that isn’t there.”

Glimmer shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.”

Adora rolled her eyes.  _ Maybe never. _

~~*~~

Training that day had been grueling.

At, maybe, eight years old? Catra and Adora were absolutely exhausted, as was everyone else in their cohort.

“I think Shadow Weaver’s extra angry at us today,” Lonnie muttered from her bed.

Rogelio growled in agreement. Kyle just snored, he was already passed out. 

There were some more murmurs of assent, but Catra and Adora stayed silent, too tired to say anything.

Eventually, lights flickered out, snores filled the room. 

Adora was still awake when Catra got up, nearly silent, and slid into her bed, curling up against her.

It was natural, it was easy, it was something they did nearly every night.

They didn’t dare talk to each other, others would hear, so they settled for just being as close as possible, legs intertwined and hands in hair and foreheads tilted against each other and a tail wrapped around an arm and heartbeats in sync.

They didn’t talk, but for some reason, Catra did.

“I miss you,” she whispered.

They didn’t talk, and that day they hadn’t talked, but in this blurry, tilting world, Catra did.

_ I miss you. _

Adora woke, flinging herself up and out of the bed, gasping for breath.

It had been six weeks since Entrapta left, and no letter.

Adora couldn’t wait anymore, she couldn’t  _ take this  _ anymore.

This was the ninth goddamn time she had dreamt of Catra since Entrapta left, and maybe it was all stupid, maybe she was just idealizing the entire situation, imagining Catra as someone who she used to be, Catra before Adora left, before the war, or maybe she was spot fucking on and Catra needed her just as much as Adora did.

She  _ refused _ to wait any longer.

She was going to find Catra herself.

~~*~~

“Glimmer!” 

Adora skidded around the corner, sliding on the freshly waxed marble floors, barely regaining her footing before she was sprinting after Glimmer, who was about to go into an economics meeting, which, based on previous experiences, was set to last hours.

“Adora-- careful!” Glimmer reached for her as Adora slipped, her grip the only thing keeping Adora from cracking her head open.

Adora straightened and beamed at Glimmer. “Hey.”

Glimmer snorted. “I have two minutes before this meeting. What’s up?”

Adora’s grin melted into something more nervous. “Um, I was just wondering if we, like, kept  _ records  _ or something on citizens of Bright Moon, or…?” 

Glimmer raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

“No reason.”

“You’re such a bad actor,” Glimmer muttered, scoffing and crossing her arms.

Adora sighed, fully giving up the innocent act. “I’m sorry! Just, do we?” 

Glimmer shrugged. “I mean, kind of? All former Horde members have to register as such, and have to check in every six months so we can keep tabs on them. But no one else does, really. We have the census, but the war interrupted that entire process, so the last full one would be from… hm… twenty-four years ago?”

Adora blinked. “T-twenty four? That’s a long time.” Catra wasn’t even that old.

Glimmer shrugged. “The war went on for a long time.”

“But… but Horde members have to register? Where, um, where could I find these records?”

Glimmer fixed her with a suspicious look. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Entrapta’s disappearance, would it? Because she never had to register as a Horde affiliate.”

_ Neither did I. _

Adora started chewing on her lip. “Glimmer… Entrapta and one of her… friends from the Horde, they, um, they left together. So, maybe I can find both of them?” Adora tried to push down the bitter edge to her words, but it came out full force when she added, “Though, in retrospect, it would be easier if you had just made her register.”

Glimmer shook her head slightly. “I know. But that’s like asking  _ you _ to register. It seems… pointless. Unless you’re planning on overthrowing me?” Her lips curved up, eyes narrowing when Adora didn’t react. “But whatever. It’s been weeks but… her presence is sorely missed. The tech here is really suffering. If you could find her and bring her back, Bright Moon would be grateful. She and I can sit down and talk it out, all the plans and stuff, but we… we need her back. So if that’s what this is all about, go crazy.”

Adora decided not to tell her that sitting down with Entrapta would solve none of their problems, especially  _ Glimmer _ sitting down with Entrapta.

She just nodded. “Where are these records?”

Glimmer blew out a breath. “I’ll just-- hold on.”

Glimmer grabbed her arm and before Adora could inhale purple sparks surrounded her, invaded every sense of her being, then she and Glimmer were plopped down in a dusty room that smelled of mildew and emptiness.

“I’ve gotta go, I’ll come pick you up when I’m done with my meeting.”

She teleported away before Adora could even object.

“Guess I’m gonna be here for the next five hours, then,” she muttered to herself.

Adora looked around.

There were probably about twenty file cabinets stuffed in the small room, each rusty and nasty-smelling. Hesitantly, she reached out a finger and touched one cabinet, and yelped in surprise when the drawers flung open, revealing hundreds of files stuffed with information and moving letters and numbers.

They seemed to update by the second, judging by the flurry of moving letters and numbers on some of the pages.

She picked up a random file.

_ Danae [last name unknown] _

_ Age: 13 _

_ Parent/guardian names: [unknown] _

_ Sibling names: [unknown] _

_ Other relationships (please specify): adoptive mother (forest druid, 65 yrs, plumeria resident, Moira [no last name]) _

_ Species: human _

_ Stationed at Plumeria perimeter & Fright Zone throughout war (active duty for two years) _

_ Fled into Plumeria after Hordak’s death, was immediately turned over to Princess Perfuma, who passed all jurisdiction to Queen Glimmer and advisors. _

_ Currently presiding in Plumeria under light parole. _

_ Lives at [redacted]. _

_ Works at Cosmo Books and Cafe. _

Adora waited for a second, but none of the information changed. She put it away carefully, minding the water dripping from the ceiling, and then picked up another. 

Words were spinning around on the page so fast Adora started to get dizzy. She shut it and put it away, going through each of them carefully until she found what she was looking for.

_ Scorpia [last name unknown] _

_ Age: 22 _

_ Parent/guardian names: Queen Luma (deceased) and Queen Daya (deceased) of the former kingdom of Crystal _

_ Sibling names: [none known] _

_ Other relationships (please specify): Close associates with fellow Horde members, Catra [last name unknown], Lonnie [last name unknown], Rogelio [last name unknown], and Kyle [last name unknown]. Also close associates with Princess Entrapta of Dryl. _

_ Species: human/scorpion hybrid _

_ Stationed at Fright Zone (force captain) for most of war, mostly alternating between there and other small Horde-commanded outposts (active duty for six+ years). _

_ Was taken into Bright Moon custody and kept there for six months waiting for trial, was eventually released without one into Princess Entrapta’s care and jurisdiction.  _

_ Currently presiding in… _

Adora waited with bated breath as the words flipped around. Presiding in…?

_ Currently presiding in Shantytown. _

Shantytown? 

Adora wracked her brain, but all she could come up with was  _ maybe  _ one of Salineas’ border towns.

The words started flipping around again.

_ Currently presiding in Ocean City. _

Okay, Adora knew Ocean City, that was Salineas’ capital. So she and Entrapta were in Salineas. Which wasn’t that far at all from Bright Moon, certainly not six weeks travel far, so what the fuck were they doing?

The words were flipping.

_ Currently presiding in the Kingdom of Snows. _

Adora let out a frustrated shriek and slammed the file down to the ground. The Kingdom of Snows and Salineas weren’t even near each other--

Wait.

Adora jumped up and dove for the file, watching it.

_ Currently presiding in Bright Moon. _

_ … _

_ Currently presiding in Shantytown. _

_ … _

_ Currently presiding in Lisianthus. _

_ … _

_ Currently presiding in Ocean City.  _

_ …  _

_ Currently presiding in Sofia. _

_ … _

Adora clamped a hand over her mouth to keep in any noises she might make. She had hacked it. Scorpia had somehow managed to hack it… or.

Entrapta had.

Adora wrenched open all the filing cabinets, pulling out every single file of everyone she remembered from the Horde.

Some, like Octavia’s, were stagnant, but others, like Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio… they were all hacked.

She started pulling out random files, flipping open to location. 

Most were hacked.

What did this mean?

It could mean that everyone whose file was hacked was together, presiding in some unknown city, away from the watchful eyes of the princesses, and Entrapta was doing them a favor.

Or, just that hacking these files was really easy.

Adora didn’t think so, judging by Glimmer’s confidence in them.

Adora tossed aside the file she was holding and searched through the remaining ones, but Catra’s wasn’t anywhere to be found.

She went through the other cabinets, still coming up with nothing, until she reached the very last file cabinet, which was shoved away in the corner.

At her touch, it didn’t jump open. She pulled it open, joints squealing, and blanched when she saw the first label.

_ WANTED.  _

She flipped through each one quickly, seeing the same label each time.

_ WANTED, WANTED, WANTED, WANTED, WANTED.  _

Well, Adora thought to herself, if Catra was going to be in any one of these cabinets, this would be the one.

She went through two drawers before she finally saw the label,  _ WANTED- CATRA OF THE FRIGHT ZONE. _

She yanked it out, gaze lingering on the picture plastered across the front, a blurry image of Catra, obviously taken from some street camera, versus everyone else’s, who were sat in some jail for their picture.

Adora flipped it open, touch unmoving from Catra’s picture.

_ Catra [last name unknown] _

_ Age: [unknown] _

_ Parent/guardian names: [unknown] _

_ Sibling names: [ unknown] _

_ Other relationships (please specify): [unknown] _

_ Species: [unknown] _

_ Stationed at Fright Zone as a Force Captain for [unknown] years. _

_ Deserted. _

_ Has not shown up for the last one (1) check-in(s), warrant out for arrest (only in Bright Moon).  _

_ Currently presiding in… _

_ Shantytown. _

_ … _

_ Kingdom of Snows. _

_ … _

_ Sofia. _

_... _

Adora flipped it close. No surprising information.

Except that Catra was wanted. In only Bright Moon.

Adora  stared at the picture for a long time. 

It was black and white, grainy as hell. She was looking straight at the camera, like she knew she was being watched. 

They wouldn’t find her. They never would.

She wouldn’t allow herself to be found.

So what hope was there for Adora?

~~*~~

Adora went through every single file in that room in the 4.5 hours that Glimmer was gone. 

Every single goddamn one.

She recorded the names of each former Horde member whose file was hacked, scribbling them on a pad of paper she had found in the corner of the room. 

There had to be at least two hundred hacked.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to get much farther than that.

If only one person had a concrete family member, one who was in the system but also wasn’t hacked and also somehow knew where the hacked person was.

She was buckling down to do a second search, this time for the family member connection, when Glimmer arrived. 

“Damn, Adora! Are you… okay? Like mentally?”

Adora dropped her notepad and kicked it underneath one of the filing cabinets, unnoticed by Glimmer.

“How was the meeting?” Adora rushed out, forcing a smile.

Glimmer snorted. “Boring, as usual. No surprises.”

Adora turned, busying herself with closing all the filing cabinets. 

“Ready to go back?” Glimmer asked, offering an arm.

Adora nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

~~*~~

Being this close to the Fright Zone made Adora’s skin crawl. 

It was too much. 

There were too many memories, too many ghosts. 

Adora swept her eyes over the desolate landscape, gaze hitching when she saw the tower she and Catra used to climb. It was overgrown with weeds and, even from a distance away, Adora could see the rust coating it. 

Waves of giggling, intertwined hands, whispered secrets, and shining blue and yellow eyes wash over her without any warning. Catra’s here. Not physically, but in every crack, every gust of wind, every rusty metal scrap... Adora could feel her.

“That’s enough,” Adora murmured to herself, shaking out the map she was carrying.

In her thoughts, she had clenched it so tightly that now it was wrinkled and torn at the edges.

“From here, Catra either could have gone to Bright Moon or Plumeria,” she says aloud, tracing the raised borders on the map with her finger. “So she either has to brave the Whispering Woods, then go through big cities and populated farms, or… getting to hide deep in Plumerian forest.”

The answer seemed obvious, too obvious. Catra could’ve gone through Bright Moon just because it was the more difficult path, people wouldn’t look for her there, but Adora somehow  _ knew _ the panic that encapsulated Catra in that moment, the thought of getting away, and trying to psych Adora out by going for the less obvious path probably wasn’t what she was thinking about in that moment.

Adora sighed. 

To Plumeria then.

~~*~~

She told Glimmer and Bow she’d only be gone for a few days, a week at the most, but as Adora traveled through the Plumerian forest, she knew it’d probably be much more than that.

Burned villages, footprints from hundreds of people still etched in ash, trees picked of fruit.

She had moved fully through the Plumerian forest and kingdom by the end of the second week. She hadn’t slept for a while, and was out of food. 

Eventually she would have to stop.

But not yet.

~~*~~

Adora and Catra are drifting through a meadow.

Blurry. Indistinct. They’ve never been to a meadow, certainly not together, but they’re in a meadow.

They’re on their backs, staring up at the blue sky.

Adora reaches for Catra, and it’s so natural, so beautiful. It’s her life so far summed up in one small moment, reaching for Catra.

“I think you’re my favorite person,” Catra whispers.

They’ve said this to each other before, at ages five, eight, eleven, but never past their teen years, never now. 

Mostly because now they know what it means. And it terrifies them. 

But Catra says it.

“You’re my favorite person too,” Adora replies.

Catra exhales, like she was unsure of what Adora was going to say, like she was so relieved for that answer.

They’re seventeen, and they’re in a meadow, and they’re reaching for each other.

Adora woke, abruptly yanked out of hazy dreams and gut wrenching memories.

Immediately, her stomach started protesting, growling and screaming at her for food.

It hadn’t even been that long since she’d eaten. If she wanted to, she could just go into the neighboring forest and hunt right now.

But Bright Moon’s kitchens seemed  _ so _ much more appealing at the moment.

Adora faintly wondered when that changed.

When hunting and foraging, instead of being common, something she did with Catra and her Horde friends right alongside her became alien, and a princess’s kitchens became comforting.

Probably around the time she stopped reaching for Catra in her sleep.

Adora stood quickly, gathering her things. With a few murmured words, the hunger and exhaustion melted away as she transformed into She-Ra.

She was back at Bright Moon by the morning. 

No one asked where she had gone.

~~*~~

In the last couple months, she had scoured every kingdom, had investigated every Horde member she could find, and still fucking nothing. 

Her last ditch effort-- to go undercover.

She left the sword back in Bright Moon for this excursion, knowing it would bring unwanted attention.

She kept her hood up, eyes down, and slipped into the seediest bar in all of Salineas, jaw clenched, tension radiating off her in waves.

Of course, her plan to be covert was immediately ruined.

“Adora! Are you here to see me, the daring Seahawk?!”

Adora whirled around, barely managing to wipe the disappointment off her face before Seahawk was right in front of her, grinning and cheering.

Adora didn’t miss the disapproving looks the other patrons shot her, and silently mused whether it was because they knew who she was or because of the company she was keeping.

“It’s been a while,” Adora greeted, barely managing not to squeak when he pulled her into a back breaking hug.

“It most certainly has! Too long, especially between friends like us! Adora! Engage me in a match of  _ strength _ !”

Adora pushed away the arm he had shoved in her face. “Uh, I don’t really have the time. Wanna get a drink?”

Seahawk nodded, and led the way to the bar, loudly recanting stories she had already heard.

He ordered two beers and whirled around, claiming a nearby table, drinks sloshing onto the floor. Adora barely bit back her wince.

She settled into her chair, accepting the mug he pushed at her, taking deep breaths to settle her sudden burst of nerves while she waited for Seahawk to stop talking.

“... and then, of course, I burned it. Luckily, while I wait for this entire thing to blow over, my darling Mermista is letting me stay with her.”

He shrugged, taking a big gulp of beer. “But enough about me! What brings you to Salineas?!”

“Looking for a friend,” she said vaguely, sweeping her eyes over the crowd. If Catra had been here, she most definitely would have taken off by now. Fucking Seahawk.

“Entrapta?” He asked, mouth garbled by the beer.

Adora’s gaze snapped to Seahawk, whose cheeks were already flushed. “How’d you know I was looking for her?”

He shrugged, spilling more beer. “She sought me out several months ago! Figured you would be following in her footsteps!”

“Why did she need you?” Adora asked, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice.

She failed.

Seahawk leaned away, frowning slightly. “I’m not allowed to say…”

Adora clenched her jaw so tightly she felt the tension echo into her arms, and disguised the rapid, frustrated tapping of her fingers by grabbing her mug and taking a huge gulp.

Fucking Seahawk.

“Not even for an old friend like me?” She said after swallowing, grinning at him, big and fake.

He relaxed, lifting his shoulders slightly. “I really shouldn’t.”

“Come on, Seahawk!” She teased, swatting at his elbow.

“Okay…” he finally said, bashful all of a sudden. “Entrapta and her scorpion friend wanted passage somewhere.”

“Where?”

Adrenaline started pumping through her veins, electrifying her tapping fingers, a hearty, excited buzz rising in her ears and drowning out all the other noise in the bar.

_ This _ . This moment was when she’d find out where Catra went.

It was all coming together.

“I already said, Adora. I can’t tell you.”

It was the most serious she had ever heard him sound.

Her heart thudded once, twice, three times.

“Okay, Seahawk. Thank you for your time,” she muttered, trying not to sound as disappointed as she felt.

“Of course, Adora!” He yelled, graveness of the moment forgotten in a second.

She was back in Bright Moon the next morning.

No one asked her about her disappearance or the new fist-shaped hole in her wall.

~~*~~

Adora had been staring at Catra’s picture for hours on end. The new things she noticed about her never ended. For instance, based on the shading of the black and white, her bag was a darker color, while her coat was lighter. 

God, she needed to  _ find _ her.

Seahawk was the key. He knew where Entrapta and Scorpia went. 

Maybe if she got him drunk… or high on something.

She blinked, registering the thoughts. How many hours had she been in this room? THe file cabinets seemed to laugh at her.

“I’m going insane,” Adora murmured, collapsing her head into her hands. 

“That’s for sure.”

Adora started, flipping the file closed and jumping up.

“Glimmer!” She greeted, voice strained. “I-- uh, um…”

“How long have I been standing here? Well, that’s a good question, Adora. Long enough to realize that I have to get you out of this room before you go crazy,” Glimmer said, lips curving up. 

“Yeah… uh, it’s just this search for Entrapta… it’s really got in my head,” Adora lied, rubbing at the back of her neck.

“Uh-huh,” Glimmer said, looking utterly unconvinced. She brushed past Adora, propping herself up on the table, which swayed underneath her weight. She cast a glance at the file on the table, but Adora snatched it before she could see Catra’s name. “Well, anyway, I came here for a different reason,” Glimmer muttered, eyes darting away from Adora.

“Wh-- is everything okay?”

Adora’s gaze roved over Glimmer, fully looking at her for the first time in months.

She looked... awful. 

Maybe it was the bags under her eyes, maybe it was the shredded skin around her nails, maybe it was the gauntness of her cheeks, but Adora’s stomach turned as she realized just how much she had missed out on in this hunt for Catra.

“My dad has this session tomorrow… to try and get his memories back. It’s, like, his second one? And I have to be there, you know, because my mom can’t. I was just wondering… can you come with? Bow can’t take it, it makes him too… emotional. And we can’t have that around my dad. You know how he is.”

Adora nodded.

Flashes of bruises on Glimmer’s cheeks, tears streaming from her eyes, ungodly roars coming from her dad as Bright Moon guards tried to restrain him echoed through her. She remembered later, Glimmer looking on, seemingly unfazed, as he described to the magician examining him that he had no children, only a wife. And she felt the ghost of burning magic scraping over her skin. 

She felt it all, knew it all.

“Of course I’ll go, Glimmer.”

Glimmer gave her a watery smile. “Thank-- thank you, Adora. I know you’ve been so busy, but it really means a lot.” 

“I’m here for you, Glimmer,” Adora said, folding Glimmer into a soft hug.

Glimmer sagged into Adora, soft sobs echoing into the room, all the casual teasing and self assuredness gone in a blink.

Adora tightened her grip, pushing them as close as possible, buried her head in her hair, inhaling the smell of summer. 

“Glimm-- hey, Glimmer. This search stuff, I’m done with it, okay? I’m here for you, for as long as you need.”

Adora meant every word. 

She meant it even more when Glimmer wound her hands around her waist and stained her shirt with tears, and she meant it even more than that when Glimmer finally stopped sobbing, and just looked empty.

No more excursions lasting weeks, no more days spent poring over files.

Catra didn’t want to be found. 

There was more important stuff here.

~~*~~

“But you don’t realize, Angella and I-- we never had kids, okay? I was taken long before any sort of decision was made.”

Micah was far from his old self.

He looked normal. At first glance.

But at second, Adora could see the scars stretching from under his sleeves, pant legs, and collar, the thin hair, the nails that looked like they had been torn out, put back, and then torn out again.

Glimmer sighed, a huff of barely concealed anger.

“King Micah, you  _ do _ have a daughter,” the magician said gently, casting a spell from behind him that would supposedly trigger his memory.

“I never had children,” he repeated, firmer. His yellowing eyes bulged, fists clenching from where they were strapped down. 

Adora’s hand strayed to Glimmer’s on instinct.

“Yes, you did,” Glimmer snapped, gripping Adora’s hand so tight Adora had to bite down on a yelp. “Dad, you had children.”

Micah’s eyes fixated on Glimmer. 

To Glimmer’s credit, she didn’t waver, didn’t break eye contact. 

“Angella and I were discussing… children,” he said slowly, gaze burning into Glimmer. “She was… pregnant-- no, she  _ never _ was pregnant.” He looked away from Glimmer, yanking against his restraints, swearing harshly.

The magician dropped their hands, obviously pleased. “That’s all for today.”

Glimmer stood up, pulling Adora along with her, and they followed the magician out the door and into the hallway.

“So?” Glimmer demanded the second the door shut, Micah’s shouts going from muffled to absolutely silent as the magician put up a silencing charm.

“That was amazing, Queen Glimmer!” 

Glimmer’s mouth dropped open, a small betrayal of her inner feelings. “Wh-- no it wasn’t! He looked me right in the eye and said he never had kids!”

The magician shook their head. “He admitted Angella was pregnant.”

Adora gasped softly, stomach bubbling. “Oh my god-- Glimmer, he did.”

“Yeah, but then he followed it up with,  _ she wasn’t pregnant _ ,” Glimmer pointed out, eyebrows slanting down.

“Queen Glimmer, all of this anger and violence is due to confusion. He doesn’t know where he is, what’s happened to him, or who he is, really. If we can simply lead him back to reality, he has a child, he was a king, he has friends and subjects who care about him… if we can show him that, get his memories back, the anger will leave, and subsequently the violence.” 

“And when do we tell him about my mom?” Glimmer asked, voice hard and flat. 

The magician’s smile was gone in a second. 

“Glimmer…” Adora murmured, placing a hand on her arm. 

“I want to  _ know,  _ Adora. When do we tell him about my mom?” Glimmer repeated.

The magician sighed. “We tell him about Queen Angella when we can trust him not to hurt anyone over it.”

Glimmer squared her jaw. “Thank you for your time. You know how to reach me.”

And that was that. The magician entered the room again, murmuring a greeting to Micah, and Glimmer stomped off.

All Adora could do was follow.

~~*~~

Adora picked at her food, not hungry after another frustrating session of trying to convince Micah that he had a daughter. It was her fifth with Glimmer, and she finally understood why Bow couldn’t talk about his time with Micah without crying.

“Adora?”

She lifted her gaze.

She, Bow, and Glimmer had opted for a more private dinner, away from the eyes of the castle, and were settled in Glimmer’s (and Bow’s now too, she guessed) room.

“I’m good,” she responded, a knee jerk reaction by now. She knew they didn’t believe her, but at this point she didn’t have the energy to try to convince them otherwise. 

Glimmer cleared her throat. “Okay… well, here, Bow, you’ll love this. I had the most interesting meeting today. There’s this new city that’s popped up, called ‘Mizar’, or some shit, way on the other continent.”

Bow whistled. “The other continent? I thought that was deserted after all the hurricanes.”

Glimmer took a big bite of broccoli. “M’ too!”

Adora swung her gaze towards them, slightly curious. As many hours as she had been watching those files, ‘Mizar’ had never popped up as an option.

But maybe Entrapta just wasn’t aware of it, hadn’t plugged it in.

“But anyway, it’s this huge city now. Probably a hundred thousand by now.”

Adora cocked her head. “Where are all these people coming from?” 

Glimmer grinned at her, revealing a bunch of food wedged between her front teeth. “Look who decided to join the conversation!” 

Adora smiled tightly. “Haha, no but really.”

Bow’s eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch.

Glimmer cleared her throat, wary eyes on Adora. “Refugees. At least, that's what Quincy says. When the war first started, hundreds of thousands of people from this side of Etheria traveled to the other continents to try and escape, but weren’t expecting the awful weather and terrain. Plus, the Horde sent special troops over there to destroy everything. Everyone there either died or was recruited. Now, word of this city has spread… people are flocking to it by the thousands.”

Bow interjected, “Is there going to be a trade opportunity with this new place or…?”

Glimmer waved her fork around wildly. “That’s the thing! This… ‘city’ or whatever, there’s no mayor, no president, nothing! Quincy and I have written to them, like, three times at this point and we’ve gotten no response.”

Bow raised his eyebrows. “That’s… interesting.”

“Where is this place? The other continent?” Adora interrupted, mind spinning out. 

Was this where everyone was? If Glimmer and Bow were right, this place was a much bigger deal than expected, Entrapta  _ had  _ to have heard of it. Which meant her implicit avoidance of it in the files meant that everyone was  _ there. _

It was barely a lead, barely anything, but Adora clung to it.

Faintly, she heard Bow murmur something.

But then, Glimmer sighed loudly, putting her head in her hands.

“My dad’s getting really close. It’s just… difficult. Once we get this kid thing to click, once he and I can establish a connection… it’ll be uphill from there.”

Adora squashed any thoughts about leads or connections or Catra.

Stuff to do here.

~~*~~

The sun was shining, the air was crisp, the birds were chirping.

It had been a couple weeks since Adora had given up the Catra search, and already it felt like a new start, and this beautiful weather felt like a sign.

A new start, unencumbered by obsessing about blue and yellow eyes, and where they could possibly be…

Whatever.

New start.

Adora went for a run around the castle, relishing the fresh air, the sparkling trees and plants around her. 

New start.

She was starting to get back into a routine at Bright Moon, one that didn’t have anything to do with Catra.

Breakfast, run, shower, second breakfast with Bow and Glimmer, a little bit of free time to tool around and  _ not _ think about Catra, then lunch, then a session with Glimmer and Micah, then another little bit of free time to tool around and not think about Catra, then dinner, usually with Bow and Glimmer.

It all seemed very normal, very natural, very… easy to do. She could do this.

Of course, it was right when she actually started to believe this when she felt the tap on her shoulder.

“Miss Adora?” The guard asked her.

Adora smiled tightly, annoyed at having to stop her run. “Yeah?”

“Mail,” the guard said simply, handing her a white envelope.

“M--  _ mail _ ?” Adora repeated, eyebrows raised. “I never get mail,” she murmured, sliding a finger along the soft paper.

The guard just nodded, like she didn’t know how to deal with it any more than Adora does, and stalked off a second later.

Adora huffed and ripped open the envelope carelessly.

Enclosed was a small scrap of yellow paper, and Adora almost mistook it for trash, leftover from the envelope makers or something, when she caught a glimpse of ink on the backside.

She flipped the paper, and a small gasp escaped her.

_ Mizar,  _ it reads.

~~*~~

“What the  _ fuck _ do you mean you’re going to Mizar?” 

Adora winced.

She slowly turned around, shifting so Glimmer couldn’t see the packed bag behind her.

“Heyyy, Glimmer!” Adora tried, forcing a smile.

“You didn’t think to  _ tell  _ me about this, Adora?” Glimmer snapped, face red.

Bow suddenly appeared behind her, a hand on her shoulder and a nervous expression on his face. 

“Let’s all take a deep breath--”

Glimmer shrugged him off, stepping towards Adora, pointing a finger at her. “This is not the time for fucking deep breaths, Bow! Adora’s  _ leaving,  _ without, like, any warning!”

“Glimmer--” Adora started, not even knowing what she was going to say.

“Stop, Adora! I don’t want to hear any half assed explanations, I want the fucking  _ truth _ . What is so  _ important _ in Mizar that you can’t stay?” Glimmer demanded, voice bouncing off the walls.

“God! Why the  _ fuck _ is it always staying and leaving? Can’t I just.... fucking  _ go _ if I want to?”

Her proclamation hung in the air, Glimmer looking like she had been slapped, Bow’s eyes wide in shock.

Glimmer laughed mirthlessly. “I’m sorry, do you-- do you think I’m  _ trapping _ you here?”

Adora didn’t answer, just clenched her jaw. 

Glimmer’s face fell. “You can do whatever you want, Adora. One of us should be able to leave.”

“Glimmer, I don’t want to  _ leave _ you--”

Adora stopped abruptly, realizing why those words sounded so familiar. 

Glimmer caught on too.

“Is…  _ Catra _ in Mizar?” She asked, deadly quiet.

Adora heard Bow gasp softly, felt acutely as her heart rate started to pick up.

“And I guess you aren’t working to get Entrapta back, then?” Glimmer asked, and even though Adora wasn’t looking at her,  _ couldn’t _ look at her, she knew the scandalized expression on her face, she felt the betrayal radiating off her.

Adora slowly shook her head, guilt crawling up her throat. 

“You’re choosing  _ Catra _ . The one who, for the past two years, has been trying to  _ kill _ us repeatedly? Kill  _ you _ repeatedly? That’s who you’re leaving us for?” Glimmer spat, and Adora felt each word like a bullet to the heart.

“Glimmer…” Bow murmured, warning.

“ _ Bow _ ,” she shot back. “God, Adora, fucking look at me.”

Adora raised her gaze, and all the preparation in the world wouldn’t have been able to save her from the fury in Glimmer’s eyes.

“Tell me why you’re choosing  _ her _ .”

Glimmer’s last word echoed into the room, filled with contempt and confusion and anger, and still, even now, Adora wanted so desperately to defend Catra, to prove to all of them that this Catra they knew, who was angry and vindictive and destructive, wasn’t the Catra she knew.

The Catra she knew…

She crawled into bed with her after nightmares, and knew exactly where to touch Adora to calm her down, and threw herself on the sword so Adora wouldn’t get blamed, and blushed when complimented, and pretended to hate Kyle but secretly slipped him extra ration bars.

She danced when she thought she was alone and her nostrils flared when she lied and she was Adora’s favorite person and Adora was hers and they sniffed flowers together and drew little figures of themselves together on the walls.

Catra relied on physical contact, and her tail flicked when she was uncomfortable, and her ears swiveled whenever she heard something, so even when she was pretending to ignore Adora, her ears swiveled when Adora talked, which was the only confirmation Adora had that Catra was actually listening.

And she tried her best to keep her claws in when touching Adora, and never apologized if she failed, but her eyebrows would slant down a little, and Adora would know she felt guilty about it.

The Catra Adora knew realized her actions were wrong and left, and was somewhere out there, and Adora just had to find her.

Or… the Catra Adora knew didn’t exist anymore.

“Well?” Glimmer demanded.

Adora felt so stupid.

“I’m not going,” Adora whispered, voice hoarse, eyes filled with tears.

“W--  _ what _ ?”

When Catra had first disappeared, what was Adora’s first thought?  _ What is she up to _ ? And when Bow said that Adora would know better than anyone, what was Adora’s reaction?  _ She’s changed, so have I. _

The realization hit Adora like a load of bricks. Hadn’t she just promised herself no more Catra? 

“I’m not going to Mizar. You don’t have to worry.”

Adora turned away, started unpacking silently.

Glimmer and Bow filed out without another word exchanged.

~~*~~

At night, Adora ran her hands over the scribbled  _ Mizar _ .

She couldn’t stop.

~~*~~

It had been three weeks since  _ Mizar _ , since the realization that Catra was truly unreachable, since her fight with Glimmer and Bow.

She hadn’t spoken to anyone. Especially not Glimmer or Bow.

A maid had come with a note two days after the fight, saying that Adora wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near King Micah, and therefore disinvited to his memory sessions. 

_ By Order of the Queen _ was at the bottom, in small, spiraly script.

Adora was so angry she punched the wall again.

Now that’s what she stared at, the twin holes in the wall. It felt like a cage.

And it wasn’t, of course. She could leave whenever she wanted. Just not to Mizar.

Even though that was the only place she wanted to go.

~~*~~

_ 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11- _

“Adora?”

With an annoyed huff, Adora carefully dropped the weights she was holding back onto the rack.

She really should be used to people interrupting her workout, it happened every day, but still, after all these years, she had to push down the shivers of annoyance that threatened to overtake her.

Adora straightened, twisting towards the voice.

Her heart went into overdrive when she saw, standing in the doorway of the gym, looking deeply uncomfortable, Glimmer and Bow.

“What are you guys doing here?” Adora asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

“Can we… um, can we talk?” Bow asked, eyes soft, voice softer.

“Um, sure,” Adora replied, mind going into overdrive. 

She had just swung by Micah’s rooms yesterday, just to see if there was an update, but no one would tell her anything, so it wasn’t like she did anything  _ too _ bad--

“Adora…” Glimmer started, arms folded over her chest, crown skewed on her head. “You need to go to Mizar.”

Adora blinked.

“W--  _ what _ ?”

“Glimmer and I have been talking, and we think you should go to Mizar,” Bow said, cutting in smoothly.

“Just a little bit ago you were forbidding me to go to Mizar,” Adora said, not even trying to resist the urge to make them feel a little guilty.

“We  _ never _ said  _ that-- _ ” Glimmer snapped, fists clenching.

“Glimmer and I were angry, Adora. We weren’t prepared for the news of your leaving. That’s on us. We don’t control you,” Bow said, placing a hand on Glimmer’s elbow to calm her.

Adora didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything. “I… um…”

“I’m sorry, Adora,” Glimmer interjected, jaw clenched and eyes suddenly shining. “You’re not choosing Catra, just like you didn’t choose us all those years ago. You did what was best for the world then, and right now you’re doing what’s best for you.”

It all sounded rehearsed, but Adora found she didn’t care.

“I don’t want to leave,” she murmured.

“But you have to,” Bow replied, voice breaking. 

Glimmer laughed, sniffling, and added, “You’re going to be an alcoholic by the holidays if you stay, Adora. It’s obvious.”

Tears pressed at Adora’s eyes, emotion clogging her throat.

“What about your dad, Glimmer?” She forced out, roughly wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

Glimmer looked down, a small smile growing on her face. “He… he  _ remembered _ , Adora.”

Adora gasped softly, lips curving up at the blush on Glimmer’s face. “He…”

“He did.”

“I’m so happy for you, Glimmer,” Adora whispered.

“Yeah. I’m happy for me too,” Glimmer replied, leaning into Bow.

Bow wrapped an arm around her, biting his lip before saying, “We contacted Seahawk. You’re leaving tomorrow.”

Silence fell, heavy, thoughtful silence.

There was nothing keeping her here. Adora knew that.

Bow and Glimmer were going to be okay. Micah was on the path to recovery. She-Ra was a thing of the past, unneeded and unknown.

But there was something pulling her away.

“You need to go, Adora,” Bow said gently.

“I’m… I’m going to miss you guys _ so much _ .”

Bow and Glimmer stepped towards her, wrapping her in a tight hug, their tears soaking through her shirt.

“Ew,” Glimmer mumbled. “You’re sweaty.”

A laugh burst out of Adora, squeezing Glimmer tighter.

After a few minutes, Adora shakily exhaled.

“I love you guys.”

“I love you too,” Glimmer replied, voice wavering.

“Ditto.”

A laugh broke out of Adora. “Ditto?”

Bow hiccuped, pulling away to wipe his eyes. “Shut up. I’m grieving.”

Adora laughed and pulled Bow back into her arms.

Tomorrow.

~~*~~

Adora stood on the end of the dock, silhouetted against a mesh of blue sea and blue sky, fucking ponytail fluttering in the wind, eyelashes wet with unwept tears. The wind was biting, making her eyes burn and her fingertips tingle. She had only one bag, slung over her shoulder, the only evidence of her past life was the sword poking out the top.

Seahawk hadn’t arrived yet, but, when she asked, one of the fellow ship captains at the port just laughed and assured her that this was just how he and his ‘shithole crew’ operated.

So she waited.

She felt sick. 

Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking, and she was sweating buckets, not to mention her stomach was roiling, and every few minutes nausea would echo through her so strongly she’d want to collapse on  her knees.

She didn’t.

What if this was the wrong decision? What if this was some fucked up crisis? What if she had forced connections, and when she got there Catra wasn’t living there, was actually in some other corner of the Earth? 

Even as every single part of her screamed to just turn around and go back to Bright Moon, she didn’t.

Glimmer and Bow were at her back, offering her strength.

_ You need to go. _

“I’m going to miss you guys,” she whispered.

She heard Bow sniff. 

“We love you, Adora,” Glimmer replied.

“This is the right thing,” Bow added, placing a warm hand on her shoulder.

“I know.”

There was a burst of warmth at her back, a purple shimmer appearing in the corner of her eye.

When Seahawk finally came around the bend, the only person he saw on the dock was Adora, whose eyes looked a little too glassy and whose hands were shaking a little too much.

~~*~~


	2. peonies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra knows when it's time to leave.  
> So she does.  
> In an entirely new world, she finds herself.

Catra was going. 

No one was going to notice her, especially after this devastating loss, so this really was the best time.

She made up her mind just an hour ago. 

Her cheek still stung from where Adora hit it, her entire body still was tingling from the portal’s effects. 

She didn’t want to stick around anymore.

This was her chance to get out.

~*~*~

Catra was walking.

Walking walking walking walking. 

Her plan was what was her plan she didn’t have a plan.

Her plan was to keep walking.

~*~*~

She knew she had officially made it out of the Fright Zone when the sky, in the early mornings when she first opened her eyes, was blue instead of red. 

It had taken her only a day and a half to escape the red, and at the thought of ever going back her heart rate tripled.

A week after she left the sky was overcast, cloudy, and she felt so panicked when she didn’t see blue that she almost threw up.

But she didn’t.

Catra kept walking.

Two weeks and two days after she left she was out of food.

She desperately did not want to stop in a town, was too scared that someone would somehow recognize her, report it to a Horde soldier or worse, a princess, and all this courage and desperation and, dare she say it, hope would be all wasted.

But she had to. 

She was walking through the most rural parts of Plumeria, where plants snapped at her if she got too close, and the water sparkled so much it gave her a headache, when she realized she couldn’t go any farther without food.

Her arms shook and her stomach hadn’t shut the fuck up in hours.

Catra, swearing under her breath, started going through the bag she brought, exhaling slowly when she found the map she had stolen from Rogelio.

It wasn’t in any great detail, but it showed where the Fright Zone/Plumeria border was, and she figured she had to be moving away from that. 

The capital of Plumeria, Plumeria City, which had to be the stupidest name Catra had ever heard, was just a little farther South. Based on what she had seen in her time at the Horde, a bunch of small towns and fringe cities should be branching off of it, so she shouldn’t have to go that far.

Her stomach growled.

She growled back.

She was walking.

~*~*~

It was night when she reached the first village.

Small lights flickered within houses, and she could just barely hear laughter echoing in the streets. 

Laughter laughter laughter. 

When was the last time she laughed? 

Catra ignored that.

She took a step beyond the treeline, heart hammering.

Something was wrong.

She didn’t know what was, just that her ears wouldn’t stop moving, and her muscles kept tensing. 

She strained her eyes, trying to see what was wrong, if anything was wrong, or if she was just paranoid.

And then she heard the screams.

It was jarring at first, how the single shriek split the air, blood chilling, desperate and full of terror. 

Then silence.

Then a thousand followed.

Catra didn’t wait, didn’t hesitate, just flung herself up into the nearest tree, breath coming in short, shallow gasps. She climbed to the top of the tree, hands shaking so hard she almost lost her grip more than once, claws out and gouging the wood. 

When she saw the familiar flash of red uniforms, her blood ran cold.

No, no, no,  _ no. _ Were they here for her? How did they fucking know she was here? How could they possibly know--

_ Shut the fuck up. _

Catra forced her brain to stop overthinking and focused on what was going on below her. Horde soldiers were raiding the town, they were forcing the flowery, peaceful villagers into the town square, where a fire was starting-- no, a fire was spreading, rapidly and brutally, and that’s where most of the screams were coming from. Okay. 

They weren’t here for her. They didn’t know she was here. It was just some sick coincidence. 

And then the next question. 

Should she do anything?

Catra counted about ten of them. If she was smart, she could take out each one--

The fuck--  _ no _ . She couldn’t risk her cover being blown, she couldn’t risk being found out.

Of course, the minute she decided to stay up in the tree, be selfish, a Horde soldier turned, scanning the treeline for anyone else.

She didn’t know who it was, where they were from, but she saw a flash of blonde hair curling out from underneath the helmet, and even though she knew,  _ she fucking knew _ , it wasn’t Adora, she was thrust back into a world of badges and jealousy and disgusting, repressed love.

She stumbled.

The entire tree shook, a fucking ripple effect, and the Horde soldier’s gaze latched onto her. The gun went up, pointed at Catra, and Catra had no choice but to leap, effortless and graceful, and land on top of the soldier. 

She was dead within seconds. 

The commotion alerted another soldier, who was busy setting shit on fire, and Catra knew the minute he recognized her, saw how he froze, how he brought up his radio and shouted,  _ She’s here--  _

He was dead a moment later.

After that, it was an easy decision to kill the rest of them.

Quickly, mercifully, silently. 

It was a small village, and she was fast. She could do it.

She dropped her bag and ran into the heart of the village, where houses and buildings were burning, where animals were shrieking, and figured that if she focused on one thing at a time, she’d be fine.

One. Escape the fire. 

She ran around the corner, away from the worst of the blaze, and came face to face with a Horde soldier.

Two. Kill the Horde soldier. 

Accomplished with a flash of her claws. She picked up his gun and kept going.

Slash, duck, run. 

Grab that woman and yank her to a safe place. 

Etc., etc.

When the fire finally died and the last Horde soldier was on the ground, the sun was inching above the horizon.

She was so hungry.

She dropped the gun she was carrying, a couple bullets lighter, and trudged back towards the town’s center, head pounding.

Survivors were limping along her, casting distrustful looks her way.

Quiet whispers became loud as she found her bag, grabbed it, and started towards the tree line, wincing as she poked at a cut on her arm.

“Hey! Stop!” 

Catra didn’t stop.

“Right the fuck now!” Came the voice again, more commanding this time.

Catra slowed, claws sliding out, and twisted.

A woman, maybe thirty years her senior, was walking towards her, pointing at her in a way that made Catra want to run and never look back.

But she stood her ground, slipping into that cocky confidence that had served her well in the Horde.

She turned fully, tilting her head slightly, smirking when the woman reached her.

She was carrying a gun, a huge one, and had dark brown skin, with greenish hair spilling down her back in tight braids. She was scowling at Catra, black-lined eyes narrowed and fixed on her.

“Who are you?” The grizzled woman barked, balancing her giant gun on her hip.

“Uh…” Catra’s eyes stayed on the gun at her side. “Who are  _ you _ ?”

The woman’s scowl deepened. “I’m the mayor of this town.”

Catra raised one eyebrow. “You mean what used to be of this town.”

“Don’t be fucking cocky,” she growled, making a show of rebalancing the gun.

“Sorry,” Catra said quickly, smirk falling off her face. “Um, my name is... “ she looked around, darting, quick glances, desperately trying to find anything to latch onto. “My name is... Peony.”

Her gaze stayed on the cluster of peonies in the trees, heart twisting.

“Peony,” she repeated, firmer this time. “Yeah.”

“You gotta last name, Miss Peony?” The woman asked, cocking her head.

Catra locked eyes with her. “No.”

The woman seemed to understand.

“Why are you here, Peony? And... where did you come from?”

Catra clenched her jaw, tried not to let the woman in front of her see her frustration. She kept her voice low, away from the nosy crowd gathering around them.

“Do you really have any business asking me that, Miss Mayor? I just saved all of your asses, so maybe, instead of interrogating me about my life, you should be thanking me.”

The woman straightened, drawing herself up to her full height, which was barely taller than Catra, and let the gun swing at her hip, up and down, up and down.

Up.

“You’re testing me, you should know that.”

Down.

“But, thank you.”

Up.

“Now, why are you here?”

Down.

Up.

Catra forced her gaze from the gun. “I was passing through when I heard screams. Thought I could help.”

The woman nodded. “Thank you for that. You certainly helped out quite a bit. But your fighting abilities are quite impressive. Refined. Where’d you learn those?”

Catra knew what she was poking at. 

_ Horde soldier, Horde soldier, Horde soldier. _

Up and down. Up and down.

“Why’s that important?” Catra ground out.

Up.

“I’m just trying to protect my people.”

Down.

“I’m not going to hurt anyone.”

Up.

“Where did you come from, Peony?”

Down.

“A bad situation.”

Up.

“And where are you going?”

Down.

Catra inhaled, exhaled. Slowly.

“I don’t know yet.”

The gun stopped swinging. 

“Would you like some company?”

After that night, Catra’s little traveling band of refugees grew by three hundred.

~*~*~

The mayor’s name was Shea. 

According to her, the Horde regularly attacked their village. And while Princess Perfuma had promised to try and do something about it, everyone was familiar with her stance on war. So, they were left to their own devices.

This was the fourth time their village, called Pluma, had been burned. 

  
“You killed them,” Shea said. “That means the next time they come back, it’s for good.”

Catra felt guilty at this, fleetingly, but then Shea kept going. “It’s all fucking Perfuma’s fault. You can’t pray this away, as much as she wants to. You killing them was the best thing that could have ever happened to us. Now, we have an excuse to leave.”

They all trudged north, veering west. Food was encouraged to be shared, but it was meager, and Catra knew eventually they’d have to stop somewhere else and get some food.

“Peony.”

Catra turned, ears flicking at the new name. It was taking some time to get used to.

Shea approached, holding out a much more advanced map than Catra had ever seen.

“I’m just gonna assume you have no idea where we’re going, or where we’re gonna end up.”

Catra nodded. “Safe assumption.”

“I have a suggestion,” Shea murmured, pinning her finger on a landmass way to the east.

Catra glanced at the map as they walked, eyebrows raising. “How would we even get across the water? And during hurricane season? Yikes.”

Shea shrugged. “I have an idea.”

“I’m open to it.”

“Peony, stop for a second.”

Catra stopped, slightly irritated. “What?”

“You and I, we’re the leaders here, okay? We are literally leading everyone north.” Catra cast a cursory glance over her shoulder, something in her stomach knotting when she saw everyone stopped behind her, waiting for directions. “If we keep going North, in about three weeks we’re going to hit mountains. Where do we go from there? Just… stay in the Kingdom of Snows? No. We can’t survive that. I say… we go north until we officially hit the Snows border, which’ll take about six days, then we bank east until we hit the coast. From there, we fucking hop on twenty boats and go develop the other continent.”

“More people join us every day, Shea, how would we possibly do that unnoticed?”

Shea laughed. “How do you think we’ve gotten this far, Peony? No one cares about a big group of refugees. Everyone’s too wrapped up in trying to deal with the war. If we manage to get over there, we can build an empire without anyone here ever knowing.”

Catra’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to build an empire.”

“Neither do I. But we can if we want to.”

“Okay. But, like, how will we farm? The Horde salted the ground there a long time ago.” 

Shea huffed. “Every single person that joins us from Plumeria has some little bit of magic in us. We’ll be able to get a crop going every year.”

“And the hurricanes?” 

“We’ve had about a hundred magicians join us from Bright Moon and Mystacor. I think we’ll manage.”

For the first time in her life, Catra felt a small flicker of hope bloom in her chest.

“We’re going to the other continent,” she murmured, rolling the words around, seeing how they fit. 

Shea beamed.

~*~*~

“Mom!”

Shea stopped explaining how northerly winds work and turned, just in time for a little girl to fling herself into her arms.

Catra didn’t mind. Northerly winds were boring. 

Shea laughed, swung the little girl around a little bit. “What are you doing? Where’s Meribah?”

The little girl shrugged. “She’s helping her dad get food.”

Shea nodded, shifted so the girl was balanced on her hip, even though, in Catra’s opinion, she was too big for that.

“Elegy, this is Peony. Peony, Elegy.” 

Catra nodded at the small girl, who could’ve been just a small clone of her mom. 

Same brown skin, same curly green hair. The only difference was their eyes. Shea’s were black, while her daughter’s were bright purple.

The little girl, Elegy, stared at her with gigantic eyes, a little too discerning for Catra’s taste.

She barely held in a sigh. Just like her mother.

She could hear them whispering, but didn’t let it bother her, just kept on walking. In two days, they’d start going east.

Then, on to the other continent. 

Just at the thought, her stomach was hit by bolts of anxiety. 

It was hard not to think of Adora in times like these.

They were about seven hundred strong now, limping across the kingdoms, but everyone seemed to have someone. Except Catra, of course.

She and Shea spent all day together, planning and musing, but then at night when everyone started to settle she went back to her daughter, and Catra was left alone. 

She usually just climbed a tree and guarded those who she could see (she had five other former Horde members looking out for the others). 

She stared, and stared, and thought of Adora.

And the sun rose, bathing them all in light, and she jumped down from the tree, Shea joined her again, and they kept on going.

She sometimes imagined that, somehow, Adora could see her. Like, Adora just knew where she was and was watching over her.

It was a stupid, impossible thought, but she imagined that whenever she was kind to Elegy (even when she was being a humongous brat) that Adora was proud of her.

“Peony.”

Shea’s voice shook Catra out of her trance. “Yeah?”

“Can you watch Elegy for a second? There’s a fight back there, and normally I wouldn’t, but I know them--”

“I’ll do it,” Catra interjected, surprised at herself.

Shea mouthed  _ thank you,  _ and then gently lowered Elegy to the ground, running off the moment her tiny feet touched the ground.

Catra stopped walking, just to properly assess the blinking child.

“How old are you?” Catra asked, cocking her head slightly, ears fluttering in the breeze.

Elegy met her gaze, resolute purple eyes matching her stare. “Five.”

“Okay.”

They kept walking.

They walked in silence for about five minutes before Elegy started talking.

“Do you know what Elegy means?” She asked in that small toddler voice.

“No.”

“It means to lament, to mourn,” she said, huffing, and Catra slowed her pace so the chubby toddler could catch up.

“How do you know what those words mean?” Catra asked before she could stop herself.

The little girl shrugged. “My dad died a while back, in the first Horde burnings. I heard those words a lot.”

“Why did your mom name you that, if it means to be sad?” 

“I don’t know.”

“It is a pretty name,” Catra continued. “But if it means sadness, why name you that?”

“I don’t know.” She paused. “But if my name makes you sad, you could always just call me El.”

Catra let a beat pass, embarrassed at the lump forming in her throat. 

“I’d really like that,” she forced out, voice wavering.

Elegy took her hand.

As the sun set, they walked hand in hand, content to say nothing.

Bathed in golden light.

~*~*~

“Peony, why do you have ears and a tail?” Elegy asked, and Catra didn’t miss how her teeth started chattering immediately after.

They were as far north as they would go, slowly moving east.

When she had taken the abrupt right, the now eight hundred refugees started protesting, unsure of where they were heading, but a look from Catra shut them up, and this was now their second day heading to the coast.

Unfortunately, being this far north meant everyone was pretty fucking cold.

The magicians, now 250 of them, kept a firm warming charm on the group, but it had been hours since the last one had been cast, and apparently Elegy was feeling it.

“Because,” Catra answered absentmindedly, turning and snapping her fingers at the nearest magician, pointing at the little girl.

“But-- ooh!” Elegy beamed as the magician waved their hands over her. “But why?”

“Why do you have green hair, El?” Catra responded.

“Um… because I do?”

“But why?”

“Because-- wait! That’s not fair!” Elegy protested, tugging on Catra’s hand.

Catra stopped walking and looked down at her, raising an eyebrow. “What’s not fair?” 

Elegy rolled her eyes. “You’re weird sometimes.”

Catra clamped down on a grin. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“ELLLLLLEEEEEEGGGGYYYYYYY!” Came a shriek. 

Elegy’s face broke out in a wide smile, and she dropped Catra’s hand and ran off into the crowd.

Catra sighed and turned back around, colder now that the girl’s new warming charm wasn’t near her.

She got a better grip on her pack and was about to launch into the nearest tree, figuring that she could use a workout, when a little hand tugged at hers.

She twisted, pleased to see that Elegy had returned, and was tightly holding the hand of another little girl who had shrunk behind her.

“Peony, this is Meribah. When I’m not hanging out with you or Mom, I’m hanging out with Meri,” Elegy announced proudly, lifting their intertwined hands so Catra could see.

Meribah shied away from Catra’s stare, ducking behind Elegy so that Catra couldn’t see her.

“Oh-- Meri. Come on. Peony’s nice. Mom wouldn’t leave me with her if she wasn’t,” Elegy whispered, yanking at her friend.

“She doesn’t have to,” Catra murmured, amused.

“No, it’s fine!” Elegy insisted.

Finally, after a whispered argument, Meribah poked her head out from behind Elegy’s shoulder.

Catra’s blood ran cold.

The little girl was the spitting image of Adora, in all of her chubby-cheeked, blonde ponytail, blue eyed goodness.

On the outside, she smiled, held her barely shaking hand out, and greeted the girl. 

On the inside, she was fucking screaming, crying at Adora, for invading this part of her life, this innocent, beautiful little part of her life, where she talked with a little girl about nothing. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Catra said, but it sounded empty even to her ears.

Adora just had to be a part of this too, huh? She had to appear to Catra in the form of this little girl, she had to infect Catra’s life, even hundreds of miles away.

“We’re gonna go now,” Elegy announced, wonderfully oblivious. Meribah, also ignorant to Catra’s internal breakdown, smiled and nodded.

“Don’t get in any trouble. I won’t bail you out,” Catra said. She always said that when Elegy left, it made Elegy laugh. 

Sure enough, Elegy laughed, Meribah grinned, and then they were running off, hand in hand, giggling.

The sun was starting to set, which meant that it was time to stop. Catra was so relieved she could cry.

Which she still might, based on the fact that she was so fucking pissed at Adora for doing this. 

Usually, they would have another hour of walking left, but the magicians needed extra time for the charms. 

So she stopped, turned to the crowd (834 people now) and raised her arms, the signal that they could settle.

Shea ran up, panting, sweat dripping down her temple. “Sorry, but some idiot was sure that the fruit he was eating was safe, even though everyone with half a mind told him it wasn’t.”

Catra nodded. “I understand.”

“How was El?” Shea asked, leaning back against a tree, wiping her brow.

“Perfect, as usual. We had a fun conversation about green hair and ears.”

Shea snorted.

“I… uh, I met Meribah,” Catra said quietly, unsure if she would cry if she talked about it.

Fucking Adora and her fucking beautiful blue eyes that made Catra freeze every single time and fucking Adora who has to be in her mind, even now.

“Isn’t she the sweetest?” 

Catra nodded. “Shy.”

Shea shrugged. “Always has been. That’s why El’s good for her. Balances her out.”

_ And vice versa. _

Adora’s nice and outgoing and Catra’s mean and untrusting and they balance each other out, don’t they? 

Shea was talking but Catra wasn’t listening. Couldn’t listen. Tears were streaming down her face, silent but clear, and all she could think about was her and Adora at age five in the Fright Zone pecking each other on the cheek and falling asleep side by side and crying in each other’s arms and fucking with Shadow Weaver even though they didn’t know what the word ‘fucking’ was.

“Peony? Are you okay?”

No. No she wasn’t. 

Catra turned, hot shame flooding her, and stumbled away, into the thicker part of the trees, roughly wiping at her tears.

“Peony!” 

She kept going, even as Shea’s yells became more frantic, scraping her skin on the thorn bushes as she ran.

Catra and Adora, Adora and Catra.

She didn’t sleep the first night Adora was gone. She didn’t know anything was wrong, no, that didn’t happen until the very next morning. The very next morning when Adora still wasn’t there and Shadow Weaver was furious. 

When was the last time she had slept? 

She got used to sleeping without Adora next to her, though it took a long time.

Scorpia used to hear her crying in her bed and would join her, absorbing her sobs, but it was never the same. It wasn’t Adora.

“Peony!”

There were nails digging into her arm, and Catra felt anger she hadn’t felt since half of her body was burned away.

“Get the  _ fuck _ away from me,” she snarled, ripping her arm away.

She knew her claws were out and she knew her teeth were bared and she knew that Shea would never leave Elegy with her again even though their conversations and the hope that Elegy had were the best part of this horrible fucking situation and she knew all this and yet still,  _ still _ , she did it.

“What’s going on with you?” Shea snapped, not moving, even as Catra snarled again. “You sit in that goddamn tree all night and just stare at nothing. You walk all day and stare at nothing. You don’t sleep, you barely eat, in the few weeks I’ve known you you’ve lost twenty fucking pounds! You don’t even respond to your fucking name!”

“Why do you even fucking care?!”

“What are you  _ talking _ about?”

Catra dropped her voice so it was dangerously quiet. “Everyone else in my fucking life has left me, and I  _ know _ you want to, I know it, so why don’t you just get on with it?”

Shea stared at her, shock written all over her face. “I-- Peony, why would I leave you?”

The anger was gone so fast.

All it left was a void.

Catra curled into herself, gasping sobs tearing out of her, vision impeded by her blurry tears. 

She collapsed on the ground, vaguely felt wet grass, faintly felt Shea’s hand on her back.

“Peony...” 

God, that name was so wrong. It was so, so, so wrong. She had chosen it to feel farther away from her past life, but all it did was anchor her there.

“ _ Peony _ .”

Catra let the sobs come, closed her eyes, so caught up with catching her breath she didn’t have to answer Shea’s cries.

She missed Adora.

She missed her so much. So much it sickened her, so much it made her knees wobble.

_ Why _ did she miss her? All it had been for the last two years was pain, such incredible pain.

Catra was fucking weak, for missing her, for loving her, for limping after her and her shiny, perfect friends, desperate for attention. 

“What’s wrong? Tell me.”

“I’m in  _ love _ with her, that’s what’s fucking wrong,” Catra spit.

The statement made the sobs come back in full force, and she fell into Shea’s outstretched arms.

It was the most honest she’d been since Adora had left.

It killed her.

Shea held her tight, whispering something she couldn’t decipher, and Catra sobbed.

Catra sobbed.

~*~*~

The very first time Catra and Adora snuck out of the Fright Zone, they were probably about 13 years old.

“Sh!” Adora ordered, pressing her hand against Catra’s mouth after a too-loud laugh. 

Catra laughed again against her hand, resisting the urge to bite it. That would just make more noise.

They were stumbling, catching each other by their wrists, hands, waists, anything they could grab onto. 

“Whispering Woods?” Catra suggested, a glint in her eyes, and even though Adora’s scared she wants to do it, wants to keep that smile on Catra’s face.

They jump on one of those jets, they get there quickly. Now that they’re out here, far away from everyone else, they’re yelling and laughing and screaming.

They’re always hand in hand, always, always, always have one point of contact, always, always.

“Don’t do that!” Catra shrieks when Adora threatens to push her into a little pond near them.

Adora laughs and hugs Catra around the waist, dipping her back, a little too far, that has Catra yelping.

She pushes off of Adora, causing both of them to go in the opposite direction, and despite her best efforts, Catra lands in the pond, sputtering and yelling.

Adora jumps in after her, absolutely ecstatic. 

They’re splashing each other, pulling each other under, swallowing large amounts of water and coughing it up again.

Giggling, laughing, happy.

While underwater, Catra swims up behind Adora and presses her lips against her hair. 

They never talk about it.

They drag themselves up on the bank, still laughing, gasping, happy.

They dry out a little bit, and that’s when Adora stands, walks over to a big flower bush bordering the pond.

The flowers glow in the moonlight, and they’re big and layered and kinda look like paper, but Catra’s not sure.

“Peonies,” Adora informs her, delicately touching a petal.

“How do you know that?” Catra asks, straightening slightly, peering over Adora’s shoulder at the flowers.

Adora whirls around, aghast. “Did you not read the Horde’s guide to edible flowers and herbs?”

Catra laughs. “Of course you would actually read that.”

They stumble back in the early morning, and while Lonnie clearly knows that they snuck out she doesn’t mention it. Catra’s thankful, Adora’s oblivious.

The next day, all the cadets venture into the Whispering Woods for a training session, Shadow Weaver isn’t present.

They drift past the pond, the peonies, and Catra has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from grinning.

When Kyle asks, “What are these?” And points to the flowers, Catra informs him.

“How do you know that?” Lonnie asks her, eyes wide.

Catra fakes offense. “Did you not read the Horde’s guide to edible flowers and herbs?”

She turns, and Adora’s looking at her with that stupid, hopeful face.

Everything blurs slightly, and even though Catra didn’t walk over and kiss Adora all those years ago, for some reason she is now, threading her hands through that blonde fucking hair and laughing just a little--

Catra surged up, waking up, tears in her eyes and mouth dry.

This is why she doesn’t sleep.

She looked around, frowning slightly when she realized that she and Shea were still out in the tree, away from the group. She must have fallen asleep.

On further inspection, she sees Elegy and Meribah curled up ten feet away from the two of them, and Catra felt a flash of guilt when she realized that she had basically commandeered the little girl’s mother away from her.

She stared over at the two of them, guilt and jealousy and longing warring in her.

They were clutching each other like they never wanted to let go, small toddler fists in each other's hair and clothes.

Catra stood shakily, waving off the last vestiges of her memory-dream, and scaled the nearest tree.

She stared.

She thought of Adora.

~*~*~

“I don’t remember the sea being this big,” she murmured to Shea.

Shea cast her a side-long glance. “Remember?”

Catra didn’t answer.

It had been about fifteen days since her breakdown. 

Or her ‘moment’, as Shea affectionately called it.

Nothing had changed, really. 

About two hundred more refugees had joined them, bringing them to about one thousand strong.

They all looked to her as the leader, unfortunately, but it was Catra’s own fault for leading them everywhere but not establishing anyone else as the mastermind.

So, when they reached the glittering, vast, blue sea, they all looked to her for ideas. 

Fortunately for her, Shea and her had already discussed it.

Using a spell that the magicians had promised her would project her voice to the entire crowd, she stood on the beach and yelled, “I need anyone with water capabilities to the front,  _ right now _ .”

It took ten minutes for all of them to gather. All in all, there were about fifty.

Most were just hybrids, like her, and served no ultimate purpose, but five actually could control water. 

She sent the useless ones away.

“How much can you control, and for how long?” Catra asked the five left. 

They all sat one the beach, in a circle, bags stacked in the middle. 

Shea, who represented the refugees from Plumeria, was at Catra’s left. A magician named Kessie, who represented those from Mystacor and Bright Moon, was sitting directly across from her, and to her right was a woman named Vedette, who represented those from Salineas and also happened to be water capable herself. Rounding out the circle was a woman named Jumelle, who represented everyone in between, and was currently lounging back on the sand, lazily combing her hair.

The five others squeezed into the circle, looking deeply uncomfortable.

“Listen, this plan isn’t feasible. I don’t know why you expected this to work. It won’t. For one, we don’t know how far across to the other continent it is,” one guy argued. 

Catra didn’t even have to ask Shea to bring up the map, she just did it, which was really for the best because that meant Catra didn’t have to break eye contact with the brat. She stared him down, satisfied when he finally shrunk under her gaze.

Shea hummed for a moment, then straightened, announcing, “From here to the very edge of the other continent, it’s 2,103 miles.”

The guy rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to be able to carry anyone that far.”

Vedette, eyes dark, silenced him with a look. “Yes, well, you aren’t the most powerful, are you?”

Jumelle laughed, big and bright, much to the chagrin of Bratty.

Catra slid her gaze over to the other water-people, as she had taken to calling them. “What about you guys?” 

No answer, just worried faces.

“What if we just… established little rest points?” Kessie suggested, speaking for the first time. “Vedette takes, say, five refugees over with her at one time. She takes a magician too, and when she gets tired, the magician puts down a platform, or something, and she rests. When she’s good to go, the cycle repeats.”

Catra locked eyes with Kessie, lips twitching up. 

“We take it day by day,” Kessie added, eyes not leaving Catra’s. “That way, everyone has time to rest.”

A laugh bubbled out of Shea. “When do we start?” 

“Now?” Jumelle suggested.

“What if it doesn't work? How will we know? Everyone could die,” Vedette put in. 

Catra shrugged. “Someone could go over with them, stay the night, then return to let us know that it was successful.”

All eyes were pinned on her now.

Catra stared back, uncowed.

She was leaned back in the sand on one elbow, her other arm folded over her body, legs underneath her, her hair, now so incredibly long it was annoying, fanned behind her.

She looked good, casual, powerful.

All these people knew about her was that she was former Horde, that she protected them. Shea, of course, knew a little more, but she wasn’t stupid enough to break this illusion. 

Though, was it an illusion? 

People ran up to her, asked what to do, how to do something, little kids, after seeing her playing with Meribah and Elegy, flocked to her.

Everyone saw her up in the trees every night, knew the story of her killing a bunch of Horde soldiers burning down a Plumeria village.

Even if she was slightly more damaged than they all assumed, she could grow into this leader role, this respected- not- feared role.

Hope was burning in her chest, after all.

“I can go, if that’s what you’re all staring at me for,” she drawled, making slow eye contact with all of them.

They didn’t answer, just kept staring.

Catra made sure they saw her eye roll, then stood gracefully. “Who’s taking me across?”

She saw Shea grin.

~*~*~

No one wanted to go on the maiden voyage, which Catra understood, but was still annoyed by.

So, partly to present a united front (as Shea babbled, ‘to unite the refugees under their leaders’), and partly because no one else would go, only reps would be traveling.

It was midday when Vedette, as the water-person, Kessie, as the magician, and Catra, as the guinea pig, waved goodbye to everyone on the beach.

Elegy and Shea both embraced Catra tightly, which made her more emotional than she’d like to admit, and then they were off.

Vedette fashioned a sort of water-boat thing on a long piece of driftwood, where they could all sit and only partially get wet, then propelled them away from the coast.

They were moving so fast Catra lost sight of Elegy on the beach sooner than she would have liked.

“We’re sure we’re going the right way?” Catra asked after an hour, just after the nausea subsided and she felt confident to talk.

Kessie snorted. “Trust my navigational skills?” 

But she cast a quick navigational spell anyway, which made Catra grin smugly.

When Kessie saw her grin, she swatted her on the arm, lips twitching up.

Catra took a long look at Kessie.

She was about Catra’s height, with bronze skin and large hazel eyes. Her lips were bright pink and, when settled, almost looked pouty. Catra had to shift to see her hair, which was in long, dark box braids down her back. She was dressed like all of them were, in bedraggled, faded clothes.

She was pretty.

She caught Catra staring.

“What?” She asked, a sly smile on her face.

Catra didn’t stop staring. “Nothing.”

Kessie started staring back.

As they locked eyes, Catra felt that flicker of hope bloom bigger.

She had flirted with girls before. It was easy, and satisfying. Back in the Horde, she was possessive to an unhealthy point with Adora, but when Adora never showed any of those signs back, Catra wasn’t above trying to make her jealous.

It had never worked, of course.

Adora was oblivious. Ridiculously oblivious. How she got promoted before Catra, how she became  _ She-Ra _ , for fuck’s sake, Catra had no idea.

But those skills were still there, and Kessie was pretty, and nice, and was looking at her in a way that Adora never had.

Like she  _ wanted  _ Catra. 

And Catra… wanted her too, she guessed.

Besides, Shea kept telling her she had to move on.

Two hours in and Catra had just flirted back and forth with Kessie, hadn’t even paid attention to the vast blue around her (even if she had, she would have been sick because of it).

“Oh come on, right now everyone’s hair is gross,” Catra said lightly, engaging in fierce eye contact with Kessie that made her stomach simmer.

She just smiled at Catra. “Yours is? From my perspective, it’s gorgeous.”

Catra rolled her eyes at that. “Subtle.”

Kessie faked offense. “What!”

“Ugh, guys, for one second shut up,” Vedette snapped, in a drawl that made Catra think of the sea princess.

“Do you need a break?” Kessie asked, leaning over to where Vedette sat, concern written all over her face. “I can take over.”

Vedette shut her eyes tight, sighing slightly, before giving in. “Yeah, I’m dying.”

“Okay,” Kessie murmured, followed by a whispered incantation, and suddenly there was solid ground underneath Catra.

Vedette lowered her hands, and Catra’s heart rate leapt when the last of the water fell away and they sank slightly.

She jumped, hand automatically reaching out for Kessie’s. 

  
“Ooh, so tough,” Kessie teased, smirking at Catra.

Vedette audibly groaned. “Okay, ladies, as long as you promise not to fuck next to me, can you wake me in thirty? I need to sleep. Can you hold on that long, Kes?”

Catra didn’t let herself blush. “We promise not to fuck, old-timer.”

Vedette shot her a glare. “I’m only, like, ten years older than you.”

Catra grinned, shrugged. 

Kessie rolled her eyes. “I can hold on.”

Vedette huffed and laid down, feet dangling into the water, and promptly started snoring. 

Catra forgot how easy it was to be nice. Not, like, overtly friendly, but just nice. A smile instead of a judgemental stare, a joke instead of an insulting remark. She was already making friends with these women, these fellow leaders, and it was so easy.

More hope.

“So… wanna fuck?”

A surprised laugh bubbled out of Catra. 

“Oh, I would, but Vedette specifically said we couldn’t.”

Kessie frowned. “Unfortunate.”

Catra grinned again, chest feeling light for the first time in a while. 

“So… you’re from Mystacor?” Catra asked, shifting so she could sun her back.

Without Vedette’s interference, the waves started picking up around them, making Catra’s head whirl.

“Yeah, born and raised. What about you?”

Catra twisted her head to look at her. “Don’t you already know?”

Kessie smiled guiltily. “Yeah, well, you are the talk of the camp. But I’d rather hear it from you, instead of out of the mouths of some Bright Moon farmer.”

Catra settled her head back in her arms, clamping down on a smile.

“Horde got me when I was a baby. I grew up there.”

She tried to say it casually, like she didn’t care, but her voice was tight as she said it.

“What was it like?” Kessie asked quietly.

Relief flooded Catra. No revulsion, or disgust, just curiosity.

“I don’t know,” She murmured. “I don’t have anything to compare it to, you know? Like, was the food awful? Yeah.” That elicited a laugh from Kessie. “But was I also forced to inflict horrible things upon innocent people and enjoy it from a young age? Yeah.”

Kessie didn’t laugh.

“Why’d you leave?”

“I did some bad things. So bad that I couldn’t ignore it anymore,” Catra whispered, letting her eyes drift close.

Kessie exhaled slowly. 

“Well, from my perspective, you’ve more than made up for it. I don’t think you realize how many people look up to you,” she murmured, voice soothing.

Catra swallowed the lump in her throat, but when she quietly thanked Kessie, her voice was still embarrassingly thick.

Eventually, her back was too hot, and she switched sides, eyes fluttering open to find Kessie watching her carefully.

“What? Scared I’m gonna push you off the raft?” Catra joked weakly, a knee-jerk reaction.

Kessie just smiled sadly. 

“You’re beautiful,” she said softly, eyes burning with something Catra didn’t want to place. 

Catra propped herself up on one elbow, legs stretched out, and narrowed her eyes. “You gonna do anything about it?”

Kessie rolled her eyes. “You make it so difficult,” she muttered, before leaning down and quickly closing the gap between them.

Her lips were chapped and warm, her hands, as they came up to cradle Catra’s face, were warmer.

The kiss quickly deepened, Kessie swiping her tongue across Catra’s lower lip, Catra easily opening her mouth for her.

Catra wrapped both arms around Kessie’s neck and let Kessie guide her down to the ground, soft wood underneath her. 

It was wrong. All of it was, but Catra didn’t care.

Kessie shifted so she was straddling Catra, and pulled away. Catra chased her, a whine on her lips that quickly turned into a moan as Kessie started attacking her neck, kissing and licking and sucking on the sensitive skin under her ear so vigorously Catra started purring. 

Kessie pulled away again at that, laughing.

“You purr?” She asked, grinning.

“Fuck you,” Catra muttered, letting her arms fall.

“Uh, no, Vedette specifically forbids that.”

Catra rolled her eyes, surging up and capturing Kessie’s lips again for a quick kiss before sagging back down.

Kessie was grinning.

Catra smiled back.

It didn’t reach her eyes.

~*~*~

They had ended up giving Vedette around forty minutes to sleep, mostly because they were getting up to other, forbidden things.

Thankfully, Vedette was so wiped out from the strenuous magic that she didn’t even stir from her area ten feet away.

Night fell and they were still puttering away, Catra stretched out, feet dipping into the water. 

Kessie cast a warming charm, but still used the cold night as an excuse to press into Catra shamelessly, which had Vedette grumbling about horny teenagers.

Nine hours (plus three breaks) had passed before Vedette cried out. 

“I see the coast! Ha! I see it!” 

Kessie and Catra had scrambled up from where they were spooning, mouths agape, and soon even Catra was whooping as land came into view.

Kessie cast another navigational spell. “That should be it!” She turned to Catra, eyebrows raised. “I told you that my navigational spells were the shit!”

Catra laughed, free and unburdened, and, on impulse, grabbed Kessie’s face and brought it to her own, kissing her quickly and chastely, before turning back around and staring at the coast.

Vedette picked up the pace, and it was barely twenty minutes before they were on sand.

Catra had never been so happy to be on the beach. 

The three of them spent a good ten minutes running around and rolling in the sand, delighted to be on solid ground. 

Finally, when Vedette’s trembling hands couldn’t be ignored anymore, they all unpacked their bags.

Catra was in charge of food (three days worth), Kessie shelter (three small tents and blankets), and Vedette water, ironically.

They set the tents up, but spent an extra couple minutes sprawled out on the sand, eating half rotted pears that the Plumerians had plucked from the forest. 

“Can you do it again tomorrow?” Catra asked Vedette quietly, half sure that Kessie had passed out.

“No. I’m gonna need a day to rest,” Vedette informed her, voice just as soft. 

“Well, we certainly have the food for it,” Catra joked, taking another bite of her pear.

Vedette snorted. “I’m gonna go to my tent. Once again, no fucking.”

“Too late for that,” Catra murmured, half asleep.

“You better be fucking joking,” Vedette warned her, before getting up and stumbling off.

Catra decided that she should also go to sleep, and stood, stretching a little before leaning back down and shaking Kessie lightly. “Hey. Let’s go.”

Kessie stirred, and she looked so pretty in the moonlight Catra’s stomach clenched.

_ So wrong. _

Catra helped her stand, and they both walked to her tent, laughing softly. 

It wasn’t even a question of whether they were going to share a tent, so they chose the one farthest away from Vedette. 

Catra, after finishing, fell asleep with Kessie draped in her arms.

She ignored how wrong it felt.

And she dreamed of Adora.

~*~*~

The next few days passed in a blur. They made it back, Kessie and Catra moaning loudly when Vedette wasn’t looking in order to get a reaction out of her (they always succeeded).

Vedette and Kessie were wiped out when they got back, so the next trip Catra took was with two different people.

On the trip were Catra, Shea, Elegy, Meribah, and Meribah’s dad, plus the magician and water-person. 

It took twelve hours, but Catra wouldn’t have cared if it took 100, because when she clambered off of the little boat and into the sand, it was the start of her new life.

She was never going back.

~*~*~

New Catra listened. She was nice, she was funny, she played with kids and helped with construction.

She let go of the bitterness, the anger, and focused on moving forward, moving on. She was honest, she was happy.

When Kessie arrived, a week after Catra, Catra was honest with her.

_ I’m still moving on from someone.  _

Kessie nodded.  _ I am too. _

Catra felt free.

~*~*~

A month later, people were still coming over, but Catra and the other representatives decided that camping on the beach wasn’t going to cut it anymore, especially since hurricane season would be starting soon, and the magicians still weren’t 100% on any protection charms.

Jumelle, with her olive skin and piercing green eyes, was the one to suggest it.

“Well, there were civilizations here before, right? Let’s just move farther inland, there have to be remains, right? We can build off of it.”

Kessie planted a large kiss on Jumelle’s forehead. “Fucking perfect, let’s do it.”

Catra grinned. 

To everyone’s delight, Jumelle was right, and construction started right away.

In droves refugees moved inland, building on top of small, rotted through cottages and shells of storefronts.

The terrain was hilly, full of rivers and cliffs and, in the distance, humongous mountains.

Some of the refugees stopped ten miles inland, where huge cliffs jutted up, preventing further movement, and, on the bright side, offering protection from the wind. 

A shell of a town was there, and residents moved in right away.

It was small and temporary, and unfortunately, the cliffs prevented any movement further, and branching east and west of Pluma were rivers and ponds, which the villagers quickly utilized for crop growing, leaving nowhere else for the other nine hundred of them.

Catra, on impulse, decided to scale the thousand foot cliffs, just to see if it was worth trying, and, when she finally reached the top, everyone at the base watching her with bated breath, there in all their glory, were fully built skyscrapers.

Well, not skyscrapers, but they might as well have been.

Not shells, not rotted buildings, but what looked like a fully developed city, all for their taking.

Old Catra would be all cool about the amazing revelation, but New Catra had no such reservations.

She yelped and screeched and danced around, and clambered down the cliff at a dangerous speed, yelling that there was a ‘full fucking city’ over there.

In a week, the magicians had carved out a tunnel through the cliffs, and the abandoned skyscrapers and buildings were quickly named Kennedy City, for no reason in particular. 

Catra was so fucking happy.

~*~*~

“Mizar,” someone said.

It felt right.

~*~*~

Catra heaved a piece of wood into place, wiping the sweat off of her brow with the back of her hand.

She and the other four reps were currently building a bridge in New Luna, the majority Bright Moon neighborhood. 

It was much further inland than Kennedy City, and the terrain was littered with stretching rivers, thus the need for bridges.

It had been two months since they had arrived, but already the city was growing at a monumental pace.

The bones of everything were already there, they just had to build upon it, and build upon it they did.

New Salineas was on the coast, and they were even building into the ocean, much to Vedette’s delight. Kennedy Center was being revamped, and was soon home to a good number of refugees, including Catra. Pluma was beautiful, with weeping willows on every corner and personal gardens on every rooftop.

“Okay, break,” Shea rasped, letting the bundles of wood she was carrying fall.

The rest of them murmured in assent, dropping what they were holding and slouching back against the river bank.

Jumelle passed around a flask, which Catra took readily, but made Vedette grumble.

“Such a prude,” Kessie teased, leaning over and nuzzling into Catra. Catra arched into it, moaning comically, which made everyone but Vedette laugh.

“You’re making a scene,” Jumelle said, snorting. 

“Don’t worry, Jumy baby, there’s enough attention to go around,” Kessie responded, kissing her cheek.

Catra smiled, yawned, stretched out, sprawling across the dirt, content.

“Peony, are you sure you’re going to be able to continue?” Shea asked, the picture of maternal concern.

Catra’s eyes fluttered closed.

_ Peony, peony, peony, peony.  _

Lately, whenever anyone called her that, especially Shea, she felt guilty. They had all become such good friends, and had all confessed deep, personal things to each other, and they all still thought her name was Peony.

She knew Kessie’s fiancee had died from a virus a year earlier, she knew the complexities of Shea’s strained relationship with her husband before he died. She held Jumelle as she mourned her parents, she had clutched Vedette’s hand when she couldn’t get out of bed.

And New Catra was honest, after all. 

It was an easy decision, definitely one of the easier decisions she’s ever had to make. 

“M’ name’s not Peony,” she murmured, smirking a little at the gasps the statement caused.

“Um, what the fuck do you mean?” Vedette snapped, which made Catra laugh, which just made Vedette angrier.

Catra tilted her head, sunning her neck. “I don’t know. I had just escaped the Horde, didn’t know if Shea was going to sell me out. So I lied.”

The truth was so easy. Catra should have told them earlier.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the group, each of them separately considering Catra’s words. 

In the silence, fear found Catra, infecting the temporary happiness she had held after telling the truth.

What if they were angry, or felt betrayed, or didn’t want to talk to her anymore, or refused to stop calling her Peony--

“So… what  _ is _ your name?” Kessie asked, and even without opening her eyes Catra knew she was grinning. 

The fear was gone just as quickly as it had come.

“Don’t laugh.”

Jumelle hummed. “That means it’s bad.”

“Shut up,” Vedette snapped, but there was no venom behind it. “But what is it?”

“I bet it’s something related to a cat,” Kessie interjected, taking a noisy swig from the flask.

Catra opened her eyes, sat up slightly. “How’d you know?”

Cheers erupted from the four. “It  _ is _ a cat name!”

“What is it?” Shea asked. “If it’s something weird I’m just going to keep telling Elegy your name is Peony.”

Catra shrugged. “Fine by me.” 

“What is it?” Jumelle whined, reaching over to shove at Catra.

Catra sat up fully, crossing her legs underneath her gracefully, holding up her arms like she was conducting a ceremony.

They all leaned in, eyebrows raised.

Catra grinned.

“My name is actually… Catra.”

They all started screaming nonsensically, shoving and pinching her.

“Motherfucker, that’s awful!” Vedette yelled, grinning.

Kessie pulled her into a tight embrace, kissing the crown of her head. “Shut up! She knows it’s bad, that’s why she changed it!”

Catra cackled, hugging Kessie back.

“I hate all of you,” she said, but she was grinning, and everyone knew she was lying.

Shea wrinkled her nose. “Did you name yourself that?”

Catra rolled her eyes, picking at the grass beneath her.

“One of my friends in the Horde gave it to me when I arrived, apparently. That’s the legend,” she murmured, pulling away from Kessie.

Adora gave her the name, at least that’s what everyone says. Adora never seemed to believe it, so neither did Catra.

“How old was your friend?” Jumelle asked, taking another sip from the flask.

Catra shrugged. “Don’t remember. I was a baby.”

She knew Shea’s eyes were lingering on her, concerned and desperate to ask more, but Catra ignored her, instead flopping back on the dirt, wordlessly signaling that she was done.

The others took her note, and the subject was changed.

“... we need to control the sprawl. We need room for crops.”

“When are the crops going to be ready? The reserves that the Bright Moon farmers brought are running low.”

“Two weeks, if we get through hurricane season.”

“How’s the protection charm going? Badly, based on past experiences?”

“Oh, fuck off. It’ll be ready.”

Catra started to doze off.

She knew it was a deeply personal thing, sharing her name with these women. But instead of fear that they were going to leave, and take with them that part of her, she felt safe. They weren’t going to leave her. She wasn’t going to leave them. 

They knew her name.

She was so happy.

~*~*~

The port had been built.

It was by far the most difficult project, but boatloads of migrants had started coming over as news of their development grew, and they needed places to dock the boats.

Catra and Shea were finalizing the plans for the new roads connecting New Luna and Kennedy City, sitting outdoors, at a little wooden table at a new cafe in New Salineas, which was owned and operated by a former Horde member. 

Catra felt weirdly proud. It was the first business that had popped up in the city so far, everyone relying on the rapidly expanding temporary housing and meager deliveries of food to get through the day. 

Then this had popped up.

It was a hit, though money wasn’t really a thing yet, so supplies like wood and iron were traded for food.

Currently, she was nibbling at a piece of pound cake, which Shea assured her was good, but Catra wasn’t so sure. It was such a weird name, after all.

“We have to preserve some of the natural resources. Trees take forever to grow, and we’re cutting down a lot of them.”

“But what about your plant growers? Can’t they do something about that?”

Shea rolled her eyes, was about to launch into a lecture when Catra distantly heard her name.

“Catraa!” 

Catra’s ears flicked, but she didn’t turn. “It’s probably Kessie,” she said at Shea’s inquisitive look.

Shea didn’t look so sure. “It didn’t sound like Kessie.”

Catra shrugged. “Jumelle? Vedette? Some kid? I don’t know, Shea, people like me here,” she said with a smug grin.

Shea rolled her eyes. “Okay then.”

“ _ Catra _ !” 

Louder, clearer.

Catra straightened, turning around in her chair quickly.

Something about that voice… 

She scanned the midday crowds, mostly just people walking around with their kids or animals, taking in the expansive sea and formidable cliffs.

And then she saw a flash of white hair, a red claw waving.

Scorpia, towering over the people, about a hundred feet away, was waving wildly to Catra and yelling her name, much to the chagrin of about a hundred people near her.

“Catra! Catra!”

And a flash of purple next to her, and then Entrapta, propped up by her hair, appeared, smiling slightly.

“Catra, who’s that? Shea asked, reaching across the table for her.

Catra batted her hand away, a knee jerk instinct. 

“Um…” 

“Catra, are you okay?”

Catra swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. “Old friends.” 

“Oh… like… Adora?” 

Catra, after the whole ‘I love her!’ thing, had told Shea about Adora, not mentioning that she was She-Ra, but hadn’t even mentioned Scorpia and Entrapta and the unfinished business there, sure that they’d never want to see her again and it’d never have to be a thing.

They both stood, grinning and waving at her.

_ They came.  _

Not only did they cross the ocean for her, they must have looked for her pretty hard in the first place. After all, she had covered her tracks pretty well. 

They had wanted to look for her and they had found her and had come to her, and were standing there, looking so stupid. All for her.

“Catra, are you… do you need me to do something?”

Catra shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “No.”

She took off running, dropping the papers she was holding and flinging herself over the small gate that separated the cafe from the street.

She was sprinting to them. 

Because Catra loved them. New Catra didn’t want to hold it in anymore, she wanted to cry and hug them just like she could never allow herself to do in the Horde.

And she was going to apologize for everything and anything.

People parted for her, she was laughing and sobbing in the same breath, she loved them and they had come to her and she was so fucking happy.

She slammed into Scorpia, who picked her up easily, so easily. She was laughing, tears running down her face as Scorpia squeezed her. 

Scorpia’s hair, almost down to her shoulders now, was tickling her nose and brushing against her cheek, and Scorpia was blubbering too, saying something Catra couldn’t hear.

She pulled away, looking Scorpia up and down. She was skinnier, some of the muscle absent, clothes dirty and ragged, dark circles under her eyes.

“Hey, Catra!” She said, and although she might have looked sadder, she certainly didn’t sound it, with her big, booming voice and grin.

Catra devolved into tears again, overwhelmed by emotion, and turned to Entrapta, who had watched their encounter wordlessly. 

She looked gaunt, eyes dull, hands looked weird without a piece of tech in them. 

“I’m so sorry,” Catra whispered to her, to both of them. “I should have… I should never have sent you there. I should have  _ never _ treated the way I did. I’m so sorry.” She paused. “It’s okay if you hate me.”

Entrapta shook her head. “We never hated you, Catra.”

She said it in the same voice she always had, high pitched and annoying, but it fell slightly flat, like she didn’t have the energy to talk.

Scorpia nodded too. “You did what you had to do to survive, Catra.”

That wasn’t true, and they all knew it. But she nodded anyway, roughly wiping away her tears.

“I was a terrible friend.”

“You can be better now,” Scorpia murmured.

The words poked at a hole in her heart, but she ignored it.

She leapt towards them again, laughing through her tears as Scorpia scooped her up easily. Entrapta giggled too, vaulting up on Scorpia’s arms with the aid of her hair. 

Catra sniffled, buried her head in Scorpia’s chest, felt it rumble with laughter.

“How did you guys get here?” Catra asked suddenly, pulling away slightly. “Did you desert?”

Scorpia’s eyes slid to Entrapta nervously, smile gone. 

“You don’t know?

Catra’s stomach dropped out. “Know what?”

Entrapta shrugged and said, “Based on her use of the word ‘desert’, she obviously does not know--”

“Does now know  _ what _ , Entrapta?”

Scorpia clutched her hand. “The war’s over, Catra. Has been for months.”

Catra’s mouth went dry. She stumbled back a step. “Who… who won?”

Instead of Scorpia speaking, Entrapta broke in. “Hordak’s dead, Catra.”

Catra nodded slowly.

Hordak was dead. She-Ra had won. Adora and her buddies had won. They had beat her, and she hadn’t even known. 

Hordak was fucking dead, for fuck’s sake.

Well, that explained Entrapta.

Catra pulled her into a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

Entrapta shuddered, then broke into sobs, staining Catra’s shirt.

Scorpia wrapped her arms around the both of them, like some kind of giant protector.

“We take care of each other here,” Catra said, tightening her grip around Entrapta.

She had treated the both of them so horribly, and what for? Because Adora left her?

Well it was different here. 

_ She _ was different.

~*~*~

It was in the middle of hurricane season when she shaved her head. 

Scorpia helped.

She looked stupid, comical, but she didn’t care.

It was different, it was fresh, it was new.

It was a change.

~*~*~

Entrapta and Scorpia were in temporary housing for two days before Catra found them apartments in her building. Catra was in 204, Scorpia in 506, and Entrapta in 112. She briefly thought it was the best idea she’d ever had, but then she had Entrapta knocking on her door at 2am to ask about the monetary system and Scorpia coming through her bedroom at 6am to make her breakfast.

“I need sleep!” She screeched at them, throwing pillows at their heads.

“That’s the Catra I know!” Entrapta had yelled back before swinging away.

(They have Saturday morning breakfasts at Catra’s place every week.)

When she wasn’t bothering Catra, Entrapta went around the city and installed random tech to make stuff easier. Street lights turned on at 6pm and turned off at 8am daily without any trouble (though she couldn’t figure out the lightbulbs). She also fixed the irrigation system, and before Catra knew it the residents of Pluma were producing full crops with no issues. 

Scorpia helped with construction, her huge stature aiding a lot of the effort. 

“I’m going to start a gym,” she told Catra at one breakfast.

Catra believed her.

(Also, Entrapta and Scorpia used their status as princesses to import a fuck ton of stuff.)

With Entrapta’s tech and Scorpia’s muscle (and their connections), the city started really coming together.

When you come off the port and look to your left, you see a sector awash in blues and greens, with docks extending out into the water, which is lit like there was a second city underneath the waves (there is). Houses, ranging from cottage-size to half mansions, wind up along man-made cliffs, waterfalls jutting from them, personal yards and pools floating above with aid from the magicians.

_ New Salineas  _ reads a bright, sparkly sign. Vedette lives here, Jumelle too, even though Jumelle grew up in the Kingdom of Snows.

To your right are fields and fields of crops, tended to by residents, mostly Plumerian.

If you continue past New Salineas, you will see little buildings lining the road, topped with bright, blinking signs telling you to pick up temporary housing forms (building 1), food delivery forms (building 2), and a sign directing you to the nearest therapist’s office (building 7), where you could apply for a support program. There’s also the fresh clothes building (right now, it’s empty, they were waiting on donations, but people didn’t have much to give), and a bulletin board full of listings for open office spaces, open apartments, costs, and open job spaces.

Humongous cliffs will come into view, and against these cliffs will be small cottages, lined with trees and flowers and bushes. There were only twenty of them, each with small pathways and porches, and a small, white sign at the front of the neighborhood reads  _ Small Pluma.  _ It’s temporary housing for Plumerian families, especially with young children.

If you look closely, there’s an impossibly large tunnel stretching from Small Pluma through the heart of the cliffs, and into another neighborhood. 

If you dare to venture through that tunnel, you emerge into an entirely different world. Instead of quaint cottages and lit docks, you have towering apartment buildings, fully paved roads, and street lights that shine blue (Entrapta’s still working it out).

Instead of the usual office/business humdrum, the skyscrapers, only slightly shorter than the cliffs, are filled head to toe with residents. These residents coexist peacefully. Most of them are thinking of starting their own business, but they figure they’ll wait until Entrapta’s finished with the economic plan.

This place is called Kennedy City, and, unless you specifically request to live in the Pluma, Salineas, or Luna neighborhoods, you live here.

For former Horde members, it’s comforting, reminiscent of their childhoods. Except they’re safe, so it’s better.

Entrapta, Scorpia, and Catra live here.

Continuing, and the paved roads give way to dirt paths lined with flowers. Sparkling rivers and floating candles and big houses and quiet, magical people. New Luna is a neighborhood home to most Bright Moon refugees. 

Catra hates it here. It reminds her of purple, sparkly hair and cropped shirts and fucking blue eyes in between them. She knows she should get over it, but doesn't really want to.

Kessie lives here, she knows how much Catra hates it, and she doesn't know why.

If you turn left, there’s rows and rows upon temporary housing, most full at the moment. It’s easy construction, decent living. In their spare time, Catra and Kessie go to the cramped, shoe-box apartments and do maintenance and hand out therapy request forms. 

Catra figures it’s the least she can do. 

It’s ugly and it goes on for miles, so two artists from Bright Moon are currently ‘beautifying’ it. Catra has no idea what that means, but Kessie assures her they’re the real deal.

If you turn right there's a lot of river.

If you want to reach Pluma, you either take the main path through New Luna or go over about twenty bridges. Most opt to take the main path.

If you’ve never been to Pluma, you’re in for a surprise. 

Weeping willows are on every corner, flowers and weeds inhabit every single patch of spare ground, there’s a charmed path you can take to not damage any of the flowers, but the residents have to point it out to newcomers. 

Thatch roofed houses line the path, fountains and mini gardens and bird baths and feeders, clotheslines and hammocks and little chairs that residents sit in as the sun sets.

_ Pluma _ reads a little wooden sign. Shea and Elegy live here. 

Catra loves it here.

Sometimes, when she has bad nights and doesn’t want to bother Scorpia or Entrapta, she wanders over here and sits in the hammock in Shea’s backyard. 

It’s warm and comfortable, and she takes a deep breath. 

Here, she’s free.

~*~*~

“Catra, I feel like I should tell you.”

Catra raised her head, fork hanging from her hand, and quirked an eyebrow at Entrapta. “Tell me what?”

Entrapta speared a pancake chunk and chewed it quickly, avoiding her gaze. Catra turned to Scorpia, who looked just as uncomfortable.

It was a Saturday morning breakfast, their sixth one, or was it their seventh? Catra couldn’t keep track. 

Entrapta cleared her throat and put down her fork, fiddling with her hair. “Well…um, before we left--”

“Oh, is this about Adora?” Scorpia blurted. 

Entrapta squeaked.

“I’m sorry,  _ what _ ?” Catra snapped, whirling towards Scorpia. “What about Adora?”

Scorpia’s cheeks pinked. “Um… nothing?”

Entrapta sighed. “The only person I told about Scorpia and my leaving was Adora. I don’t know why, really. Glimmer and Bow had just gotten married, and they didn’t tell her, and she appeared sad, and I told her about Hordak, and I was still in the thick of my depression at the time, you see, and--”

“You told Adora you were coming here?” Catra interrupted, clenching her jaw so hard she heard a click.

Entrapta shook her head quickly, raising her hands. “No! At the time, we didn’t know where you were. She… she wanted to come with us. She wanted to see you. But she also seemed unsure, and I really didn’t have time for indecisiveness, so I told her that… when we got here, we’d send her a letter.”

“Telling her you were here? And that…  _ I  _ was here?” Catra asked, voice wobbling. 

Entrapta nodded.

Catra exhaled slowly, burying her head in her hands. Fuck.

Adora… coming here. Adora, meeting all of her friends and finding an apartment and maybe even finding a job--

No. Because even if Adora did come here, she wouldn’t stay. 

She never stayed.

Catra pushed down the wave of bitterness threatening to overwhelm her and instead turned back to Entrapta.

“Have you sent the letter yet?”

Entrapta sipped her juice. “No.”

“Are you going to?” 

Entrapta put down her glass slowly, meeting Catra’s eyes resolutely.

“Do you want me to?”

Catra paused.

She knew Scorpia and Entrapta were looking at her carefully, trying to gauge her reaction, see if they needed to prepare for an outburst or not, waiting for an answer.

No one could stop Adora when she set her mind on something. Maybe… if she really wanted to find her, she would have to work for it.

It was a ridiculous thought. Adora wasn’t going to come anyway.

But if she did--

“I don’t care.”

Entrapta shrugged, ate another section of pancake. “Okay.”

Scorpia slurped her juice loudly. “Do you guys want to go check out Kyle and Rogelio’s shop today? It opened last week.”

“That opened already?” Catra asked, thoughts of Adora gone. “I thought that was next week.”

Scorpia shrugged. “Lonnie’s magical furniture shop is next week.” 

“Magic?” Entrapta asked. “Where’s she getting magic from?”

Catra sipped her juice, hiding her smile. “Kessie’s taken a liking to Lonnie and has decided to help her out. They’re partners.”

Scorpia gasped and turned, clutching Catra’s free hand. “That’s so wonderful! A perfect pairing!”

Catra snorted. “Let’s just hope they don’t fuck. That’ll make things messy.”

Entrapta made a face. “I thought Lonnie and Rogelio…”

Catra shook her head. “No, it’s Rogelio and Kyle.”

Scorpia reached across the table for more syrup. “I thought it was all three.”

~*~*~

It was a week after their breakfast conversation when Catra, napping in the tiny office space she and the others had commandeered, was awoken by yelling.

She had had a bad night yesterday, and hadn't slept at all. Even being in Shea’s backyard couldn’t calm her, so even though she was supposed to be writing a letter to Princess Frosta to set up a trade agreement, she decided to try and catch up on her sleep here.

But of course, the minute she manages to fall asleep, some assholes have to yell.

She sprung up, heart hammering, and hurried to the window, where she could see a commotion in front of the building. 

There were about twenty people gathered against the front door, and her heart skipped a beat as she was a flash of Bright Moon purple trying to push through the crowd.

She was running down the stairs and towards the front door before she even knew it.

Down three flights, flinging herself around corners and down the stairs, and a minute later she burst through the front door.

At the sight before her, she blanched.

At the front of the crowd, Vedette and Kessie were facing off two Bright Moon soldiers, indicated by their ridiculous purple garb.

The other residents of the building were behind them, backing up Vedette and Kessie, yelling at the soldiers.

“What the fuck is going on here?” She demanded, pushing to the front, shoving Vedette and Kessie behind her at the sight of the humongous guns the soldiers were toting.

“Is this Catra of the Fright Zone?” One asked.

Catra rolled her eyes, even as her heart started to pound. “No. But my question still stands. What the fuck is going on here?”

“We have a warrant out for Catra of the Fright Zone’s arrest.”

Catra’s tail flicked. Motherfucker.

She was very aware of her ears and her tail as she stared them down.

She knew she wasn’t very intimidating, standing a foot shorter than them in her sweatpants and dirty tube top, but she put on her best glare, one that even Adora used to be frightened by.

“And? Why are you here then? Aren’t you from Bright Moon? This isn’t your jurisdiction,” Vedette snapped from behind her, and Catra nearly fell over from relief. Thank god for Vedette.

The soldiers glared at her. “Catra of the Fright Zone has missed her last two check ins with the crown. Thus, she has to be punished, no matter what kingdom she’s residing in.”

“Cat-- I don’t even know who you’re talking about. How do you know that this ‘Catra’ is here?” Kessie responded, voice dripping with disdain.

One of the soldiers pulled out a tablet. “Kyle of the Fright Zone, who is registered here, in Mizar, in his last check in, stated that, ‘Catra and her friends are coming to my store opening’. End quote.”

Catra squared her jaw, screaming inside. Fucking Kyle. 

“You’re looking for Catra of the Fright Zone?” Catra repeated, cocking her head slightly.

One of the soldiers scowled. “Yes.”

“Actually, I think I can help you out with that,” she said, smiling.

If they were suspicious of her sudden change in demeanor, they didn’t show it. 

She turned. “Everyone, go back inside. I’ll handle this.”

Everyone except Kessie and Vedette filed back inside, casting concerned glances back at her, grumbling about the fucking kingdoms.

She watched as they all surreptitiously watched from the lobby windows, which was so amusing she had to clamp down a grin.

“I didn’t know they cared that much,” she murmured to Kessie.

Kessie grinned. “Please. The people love you.”

Catra shrugged.

“What are you talking about?” One of the soldiers demanded, and she heard the familiar click of a gun being loaded.

She sighed and turned back around so the soldiers could see her face. “Do you have a hair tie?” She asked Vedette (Kessie never did).

Vedette passed one over, still resolutely glaring at the soldiers.

Catra tied her hair up, bounced on her the balls of her feet once, and two seconds later both soldiers were on the ground, knocked out and bleeding from long scratches on their face.

“Help me take them to the docks?” She asked Kessie and Vedette.

“We aren’t going to dump their bodies, are we?” 

Catra rolled her eyes. “No. I’m not cruel.”

Kessie cast a hovering charm, and the three of them marched off, the soldiers bobbing behind them.

She thought she heard cheers from the office building behind her, but she wasn’t sure.

They didn’t bother to disguise the soldiers, and received a few odd looks as they walked to the port.

When they reached the docks, she was relieved to see an unfamiliar ship, most likely a pirate’s, docked nearby.

They dumped the bodies on the boat and promised the pirate free supplies for eternity if he took these soldiers to Plumeria.

“They’re Bright Moon, though, aren't they?” He asked, mustache quivering. 

“I don’t care.”

And that was that.

Catra turned and stalked off, picking skin out of her claws, Kessie and Vedette next to her.

“Catra--”

“Get me Entrapta, right now.”

A day later and no one would ever find her or another Horde soldier again.

Plus, Kyle felt so guilty she would be shopping for free at his shop for the rest of her life.

~*~*~

It was 3am.

Catra was in Shea’s backyard, in the hammock, trying to shake off the sick feeling that was plaguing her ever since she woke up.

She had dreamt of She-Ra tearing her intestines out.

It wasn’t the first time.

“Ca- Catra?” 

Catra twisted, nearly falling off the hammock, surprised to see Elegy standing in the doorway.

She was in a nightgown, a ratty stuffed animal clutched in her hand.

“Hey, El. What’s up?”

Elegy closed the door behind her and wandered through the grass until she was standing next to Catra.

“You’ve been here a lot lately.”

“Yeah, I have.”

“Are you moving in?” She asked.

Catra forced a chuckle. “No, El. I just… like it here.”

“Mom wouldn’t mind if you wanted to move in. We have an extra bedroom. Or you could room with me,” Elegy suggested, swinging her stuffed animal back and forth.

Catra swept Elegy up and settled her next to her in the hammock, winding a protective arm around her shoulders.

“You should come over to my apartment for a sleepover,” Catra murmured, smiling slightly when Elegy giggled.

“Could we get candy?”

“Yeah. And we’ll watch any movie you want. And we’ll get pillows and blankets and sleep in the living room.”

  
Catra didn’t know much else of what happened in a sleepover, Jumelle had just told her about it last week, but Elegy seemed placated by just those suggestions.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Elegy said, playing with her stuffed animal’s ears.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Mom says you’ve been busy.”

Catra’s heart twisted. “I really have. Do you wanna hear what happened a couple weeks ago?” 

Elegy looked up at her, curious. “What?”

“Some soldiers from the other continent came looking for me,” Catra said, figuring she might as well be honest with the girl.

“My mom said something about that. What did they want?” 

“They wanted to take me back to the kingdoms,” Catra murmured, staring up at the blank sky. 

Two days ago, she dreamt that she was sitting here with Adora, and the sky was full of stars.

Elegy gasped. “Why?”

Catra shrugged. “I made a lot of people mad over there.”

“...how many?”

“Like, one hundred.”

“That’s a lot,” Elegy muttered. “But you’re not going with them, right?”

“Never.”

Elegy nodded. “Okay.”

~*~*~

Catra started going over to Elegy and Shea’s house every Monday and Thursday for dinner. 

Occasionally, Kessie or Jumelle would join her. Vedette rarely did, mostly because she was so busy in New Salineas,  but that just made it that much more special when she managed to tear herself away.

~*~*~

It was a special day.

The city of Mizar had officially requested financial aid from the Kingdom of Snows (who they had become really friendly with) to build more housing. 

Their population had exploded in the recent months, and temporary housing was overflowing. If they got this money, within the month they could provide homes to thousands.

To celebrate the maybe-money, everyone gathered at Shea’s house for dinner.

Catra sat at the head of the table, Shea at the other, Jumelle to her right and a way too excited Elegy to her left. 

From there, there was Kessie and Vedette on one end, and Scorpia and Entrapta on the other.

Shea and Scorpia had cooked, Entrapta had nagged them the entire time for her small foods.

It was loud and big and joyous and Catra had never felt so… safe.

“I want to go on an underwater tour!” Kessie whined, hitting Vedette lightly on her arm. 

Vedette rolled her eyes. “Elegy is more mature than you.”

Elegy beamed at that, which made Catra snort.

“Listen, Kes, Vedette will take you another time. But it’s just Elegy and me tomorrow,” Catra said, grinning, high fiving Elegy.

Kessie scowled. “Ugh. I need to befriend a small child.”

“Hordak had a small child friend,” Scorpia interjected. “He was really cute.”

“Are you kidding? Imp wasn’t a small child, he was like a demon robot baby,” Catra said, nose scrunching at the thought of him.

Scorpia gasped. “No he wasn’t! He was cute!”

Entrapta shook her head. “I spent the most time with him. He was fairly creepy.”

Catra smiled smugly, sipping her wine. “See? Entrapta agrees.”

Entrapta nodded, then launched into a spiel of how Imp would never help her with experiments.

Catra hid her smile behind her hand.

A couple months ago, Entrapta wouldn’t be able to speak about Hordak or anything related to him without shutting down, but now…

Catra exhaled.

Being in a completely new place, a place that that other person had never touched… it helped. 

Catra went days now without thinking about Adora. She still fantasized about Adora showing up on her doorstep and begging for forgiveness, but, as she ate some more of the spaghetti Shea made, she mused that that fantasy would probably never go away.

She missed her though.

Just like she was sure that Entrapta missed Hordak.

But it was easier here.

She had built a life away from the Fright Zone, away from Adora, away from the war. She had new friends and a new apartment and a job she liked doing. People liked her here, which was certainly a new experience.

Dinner lasted another two hours, and it only stopped because Elegy fell asleep at the table, so desperate not to miss anything that she stayed up way past her bedtime. 

After that, everyone hugged and kissed goodbye and took cabs back.

Catra, Scorpia, and Entrapta split one, even though Catra would be going straight back to Pluma in the morning to collect Elegy for their ‘date’.

Vedette had offered an underwater tour for them, and even though the thought of being underwater, even in a magically charmed environment, made Catra want to hurl, Elegy was so excited, and Shea was too busy.

So she agreed.

She reached her apartment, yelled good night to Scorpia and Entrapta, fell asleep, and dreamt of stars in the sky.

~*~*~

The underwater tour was just as nauseating as she expected it would be. 

Vedette was the only one who worked on New Salineas and its underwater portion, and Catra was… impressed.

It’s gorgeous, well developed, and Catra was a little jealous that she couldn’t live here.

She started to tell Vedette about how beautiful it all is, but then a particularly vicious wave almost made her lose her helmet, and she was swearing and spitting and scowling before she could even remember that Elegy was right next to her.

Vedette grumbled at her, telling her to be good for the kid, but Elegy didn’t stop giggling the entire tour.

After an hour and a half of Elegy’s  _ ooh _ s and  _ ahh _ s and Catra throwing up in her mouth twice, they’re back on solid ground.

“Where do you want to go now?” Catra asked. “We still have ten minutes before your mom wants you back.”

Elegy shrugged. “I don’t know. I like looking at all the people coming off the port. Can we go watch?”

Catra rolled her eyes. “You’re an odd one, that’s for sure.”

The port was a two minute walk, a two minutes where they idly chatted about what their favorite part of the tour was.

“I really liked the dolphins,” Elegy said, waving her hands around. “Their tails looked like this, yeah, and--”

“Ooh, El, look.”

  
Catra pulled her over to a street light, where they both could comfortably lean against it and have a perfect view of the hustle and bustle of the port.

“Ugh, Catra, my feet hurt. I want to sit.”

  
“Do you see an open bench around here?” Catra asked, wonderfully immune to Elegy’s sad face.

“Can you carry me?” Elegy whined, sticking out her lower lip.

“You know you’re too big for that.”

“No I’m not! Mom does it all the time!”

“Your mom is freakishly strong, then.”

“So you’re saying my mom, who is thirty years older than you, is stronger?”

Catra’s mouth dropped open. “You’re really trying to manipulate me right now?”

  
Elegy’s eyes bored into Catra’s soul. “I’m _tired_ , Catra.”

“Oh my god,” Catra muttered, averting her eyes.

“Please?” She whined.

“I can’t believe I’m about to carry you.”

Catra scooped Elegy up, glaring.

Elegy laughed, delighted with herself. “See? That wasn’t so hard!”

Catra grinned despite herself. “If you say one more word, I will drop you.”

“You would never.”

“I would.”

“My mom would kill you.”

Catra made a face. “She really would, huh?”

Elegy nodded, looking deadly serious.

A laugh bubbled out of Catra, and although she tried to suppress it, she couldn’t.

“Fine, I guess I won’t drop you.”

Elegy hummed. 

  
Catra laughed at that too, swinging her around experimentally, laughing even harder at her yelp.

She spun a couple more times, coming to a stumbling stop when Elegy started looking a little nauseous.

“I’m telling my mom,” she choked out, glaring at Catra.

Catra snorted and readjusted so she was back leaning against the lamp post. 

And the grin slid off of her face when she saw the familiar blonde hair and blue eyes and stupid expression staring at her.

The world grinded to a halt when Catra saw Adora.

~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All characters except for Kessie, Jumelle, Vedette, Shea, and Elegy (and other minor, nameless characters) are products of She Ra and the princesses of power (2018) on Netflix.


	3. cliffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra sees Adora and Adora sees Catra.

Catra sees Adora and the entire world stops, freezes, recalibrates, and it’s like the feeling of being in her arms, a feeling Catra knows all too well, and it’s jumping through fire to see her again, and it’s pain and leaving and it’s pain, pain, pain. 

She doesn’t drop everything and run to Adora, like she did with Entrapta and Scorpia. She stares, and stares, and stares, and not even Elegy’s worried questions distract her from Adora, standing there with that stupid, hopeful expression on her face. 

~*~

Adora sees Catra and it’s like a world exploding, it’s like a thousand stars returning to the sky and like a second heart beating, it’s like… it’s like pain, pain, pain.

Adora faintly feels the weight of her bag on her back, barely focuses on the dozens of people pushing at her, spitting at her to move.

Catra cut her hair. It’s casual, and kinda floppy, and she loves it. She loves it so much it physically hurts.

Catra’s not in the old Horde uniform anymore ( _why did you think she would be?_ ), she’s in, like, sweatpants and a crop top, and she’s staring at Adora like she can see through her a hundred times over.

~*~

“ _Catra_.”

Elegy shocks her back to reality.

“Yeah, El?” Catra asks her, forcing herself to smile. 

“Are you okay?”

Catra laughs, but it’s strained and sad and fucking pathetic, and bounces the now six-year old on her hip.

Elegy just starts worrying her lip, staring at Catra with those big purple eyes, and then buries her head in Catra’s neck. Catra clutches her hard and closes her eyes, but she knows Adora is still there, and in every other dimension she’s running up to Adora and kissing her so hard their past is gone.

~*~

Catra has a kid. 

Adora stares, heart beating so hard she can feel it everywhere, and stares as Catra talks to the kid, _her kid_ , and holds her.

How old is the kid? Too old to be… Catra’s, right?

Adora takes a staggering step towards Catra, unsure of what to do. Catra closes her eyes and turns away. 

Adora doesn’t know what to do. She needs Catra to make the decision for her.

~*~  
“El?” She whispers. 

It’s been… two minutes since she closed her eyes and turned away, she thinks? But she knows Adora is still there, just like how she knows that Adora has a mole on her lower left back, and just like how she knows that Adora hates not knowing what she’s thinking.

“Yeah?” Elegy responds.

“I just saw... an old friend. I’m going to go say hi.” She opens her eyes, meets Elegy’s nervous gaze. “It’s going to be okay. Just… be here with me, okay?”

Elegy nods. Catra brings her into a crushing embrace again, one that makes Elegy squeak, but then puts her down, and turns back around.

Adora looks lost.

She’s in gross, old clothes, still with that red jacket. It makes Catra smile.

Her hair is a mess, obviously hasn’t been washed in days, and her bag is stained with all sorts of stuff.

She stares at Catra like she’s a lifeline, even though everything in their past should contradict that.

She clings to Elegy’s tiny, chubby hand and walks toward her, not knowing what’s going to happen next.

If she talks, she’ll cry, and she’d rather die than cry in front of Adora.

Adora, Adora, Adora.

When Adora notices that Catra’s walking towards her, her mouth tilts upward a fraction, and just that is enough to make Catra want to collapse, because that’s what her world is now, collapsing for Adora. 

She has visions of her and Adora against a pink sky, and she has visions of her and Adora glowing, and she has visions of her and Adora hugging, and she has visions of Adora leaping off a cliff after her.

And all too soon she’s in front of Adora.

~*~  
Adora expects…

She doesn’t know what she expects.

Maybe a ‘Hey, Adora’? Maybe a ‘What the fuck are you doing here, Adora’?

She doesn’t expect Catra to stop, five feet away, face twisted like she’s trying not to cry, and squeeze the kid’s hand.

“This is Elegy,” she chokes out, and the kid looks up at Adora with so much suspicion her heart wrenches.

A moment passes, a moment where all Adora can do is stare at Catra.

She looks healthier than ever, since they were kids at least. She looks happy, well, not right now, right now she looks like she wants to die, but in that millisecond before she saw Adora, when she was laughing and talking with the kid, she looked happy.

“Elegy’s a pretty name,” Adora responds, tearing her eyes away from Catra’s and making eye contact with the girl, Elegy.

“It means to mourn a death,” the girl states, a hard glint to her eye.

That startles a laugh out of Adora.

Catra smiles a little.

~*~

“It means to mourn a death,” Elegy challenges, staring Adora down with a talent Catra could only aspire to.

Adora laughs, and despite herself, Catra smiles.

Adora has such a beautiful laugh.

So gorgeous, her laugh. 

Catra drops Elegy’s hand and, on pure impulse, folds Adora into a stiff hug, clenching her jaw resolutely, even as tears stream down her face.

Adora makes a sound, choked and strangled, but relaxes into Catra’s arms, and before she knows it Adora is fully sobbing.

Catra holds her tighter, buries her face in Adora’s neck, even though she smells more like fish than herself. 

They’re making a scene, she knows that, doing this in the middle of the busiest street in the city at the busiest time of the day.

She knows, as she takes in every shudder and her shoulder begins to be soaked through with her tears, it’s always been Adora, it’s all will be. She hates it, she hates it so much she starts sobbing too, hating the way they fit so well together and the way she knows that if she holds Adora’s neck in a certain way Adora will calm down, and she hates that Adora’s rubbing small circles into her back, just like she’s always loved.

It’s always been Adora, Adora, Adora, Adora, Adora, Adora.

But whatever.

She and Adora are crying, they’re together and they’re sobbing, and Elegy has taken a step back to give them space.

“I missed you,” Adora whispers, shaking so bad Catra tightens her grip instinctively.

Catra decides to go for straight honesty.

“I hate you _so much_ ,” she responds, and there’s so much weight behind the words, so much history and pain. _But I’ll never be able to give you up._

Adora laughs again, followed by more sobs. 

They stand like that for a while, until Elegy pulls on Catra’s arm.

“Catra, Mom will want me home soon,” she murmurs, anxious.

Catra tears herself from Adora and sweeps Elegy up in her arms again. “Yes, of course, El. I’m sorry, I should have realized.”

“Adora, go to Kennedy City. I’ll find you there.”

Catra walks off without another word.

~*~

Catra’s absence hits Adora so hard she almost falls down.

Where once was warmth and comfort and stability, there is only a void, one that only Catra can fill. 

The truth doesn’t scare Adora. She just wishes that Catra felt the same.

Instead, she slings her bag over her shoulder again, tightens the strap, and follows at a distance, curiosity gnawing at her.

_I hate you so much,_ Catra had said.

Catra whispers to the kid, who wipes Catra’s tears away with her own little pink sleeve, and Adora watches as Catra hails a cab.

The kid glances behind her then, and whispers to Catra, probably about Adora following them.

“She should be going to Kennedy City,” Catra says, far too loudly to be just for the kid’s benefit. 

Adora smiles.

~*~

Catra is anxious the entire cab ride.

Elegy knows it too.

“Are… you gonna be okay?” Elegy asks, quiet enough so the driver doesn’t hear, staring at her feet.

No.

There is literally no way this doesn’t end in complete devastation, thinks Catra. But Elegy doesn’t need to worry about that.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

The cab skids to a stop, and Elegy climbs out, running to her front door, waving behind her to Catra.

Catra waves back, forcing a smile. 

The door closes, the smile slides off her face. “Kennedy City,” she tells the driver.

~*~

Adora walks through the tunnel and is hopelessly gobsmacked.

“Holy shit,” she whispers to herself.

She’s surrounded by skyscrapers and cars and smiling people and blue streetlights and this has to be Kennedy City, right? What else would it be? 

She wanders over to a small cart that’s selling small cakes, a hunched old man behind it to ask her whereabouts, but before she can, he speaks.

“You new?” The man asks her.

“Um, yeah, but--”

“This is free,” the man says gruffly, shoving a cake at her. 

“Oh my god-- thank you. I’ll pay you back when I get some money--”

“Go away now.”

Adora starts to argue, but she really is starving, so she just stumbles away.

She wanders across the street and leans against a building. 

Barely a minute passes before she’s devoured the entire cake, wiping crumbs off of her chin.

“Hey, Adora.”

Adora starts, nearly dropping her wrapper. “C-Catra--”

Catra rolls her eyes and starts walking off. “Elegy’s home,” is all she says, and Adora has to follow.

After a long silence, Adora blurts, “Is, um, she yours?” 

Adora’s stomach is tearing itself apart.

Catra laughs, but it sounds tired. “No. I’m more like the fun aunt.”

Adora nods in understanding, thinking of Castaspella. “I get it.”

Catra stares at her.

“Where are you staying?” She asks, voice schooled back in that neutral, passive tone that Adora hates.

Adora rubs at the back of her neck. “Um… nowhere?”

Catra rolls her eyes. “We set every refugee coming into the city with temporary housing. Where’s your form?”

Adora flashes her a nervous smile. “Um… well, because I’m not a refugee, and I really didn’t know how else to come over, like really at all, so I might’ve hopped on a random ship and snuck in with imports.”

Catra laughs, and it actually sounds genuine.

“You’ll have to stay with me until we can get you set up, then.”

Even though that’s all Adora wants, to stay with Catra and be with Catra, she knows that that’s an imposition. 

“No-- I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“We have a 0% homelessness rate, Adora. Don’t be that bitch who drives it up just because you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared,” Adora insists, even though she is.

Catra rolls her eyes.

They walk in silence the rest of the way.

~*~

“It’s not much. Being unofficial mayor of the town doesn’t have a lot of perks, unfortunately,” Catra says, carefully watching Adora’s face. “You’ll have to sleep on the couch.”

Adora is slowly turning in a circle, eyes wide and mouth open slightly. “It’s… exactly how I imagined it.”

Catra feels a flare of anger in her stomach.

“Yes, well. Good for you,” Catra snaps, abruptly turning and walking into her kitchen.

  
It’s nothing, she knows it’s meant to be a compliment, a subtle way of saying, _I’ve been thinking of you_.

Besides, who’s she to be angry? She imagines where Adora lives, what she does with her morning all the time. 

But she feels that old bitterness, of _she’s moved on and I haven’t, she still knows everything about me because I can’t change_ , and it’s welcome and familiar, and she embraces it.

She pours herself a drink, even though it’s not even lunch, and downs it quickly.

The surprise, the euphoria, of Adora’s arrival has worn off now, now that she’s standing in her kitchen alone, drinking away the pain.

She wants to hug her again.

She just pours herself another drink instead.

~*~

Adora made Catra angry, she knows that. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to say, but now it doesn’t.

Adora carefully puts her bag down next to the couch, chances another look around.

It’s beautiful, and it’s so thoroughly Catra that Adora’s heart clenches, with the plants everywhere and the large windows and the fluffy carpet--

Adora’s thrust out of her thoughts by a pounding on the door.

“Catra! Caaatraaa! You bitch, open the door!”

It’s an unfamiliar voice, and Adora tenses, turning around to where Catra’s standing, leaning against the kitchen doorway.

She winces and puts down her glass, full to the brim with wine, and makes her way over to the door, kicking Adora’s bag to the side as she does so.

“Caaatrraaa!”

Adora thinks she sees a flash of a smile on Catra’s face.

Catra turns towards her, lips still twitching. “I… just, um… whatever.”

  
She opens the door and two women fall through, both about their age.

One is about Catra’s height, has amber skin and braids so long they brush the back of her knees, and another is tall, taller even than Adora, and looks like a movie star, with her thick makeup and perfectly coiffed brown hair.

The first one launches herself into Catra’s arms, peppering little kisses over her face, the movie star rolling her eyes behind them. 

Jealousy surges through Adora, so strong she has to clench her jaw and ball her fists to avoid making a scene.

More kissing.

Adora’s nostrils flare, she feels some remnants of She-Ra rumble in her, but she shuts it down quickly.

Catra isn’t hers. 

Catra has her own life, has made her own decisions.

The affectionate one finally ends the kissing spree, the finale a large kiss on the tip of Catra’s nose, which makes Catra smile. “You absolute bitch! You aren’t answering my calls! What could _possibly_ be your excuse-- oh. Who’s this?”

Three pairs of eyes slide to her, and the seething jealousy is quickly replaced by embarrassment. 

She releases Catra, eyes flicking over Adora in a way that makes her deeply uncomfortable.

The movie star looks bored with her already, and barely glances at Adora before turning to Catra. “Listen, you weren’t answering Kessie’s calls, so we decided to come over to tell you in person. We got the money for the new apartment buildings.”

Catra gasps and shoves the movie star away. “No.”

Kessie (?) grins at her. “Yeah.”

“Oh my god!” Catra shrieks, and Adora is suddenly looking at a completely different person.

She’s looking at a person who’s screeching with happiness and throwing herself into the arms of people Adora’s never met, and she’s kissing them on the cheek and hugging them so fiercely it makes Adora’s heart twist.

“We have enough money to build four, so I’m thinking, since a good section of those in temporary housing are from Plumeria, we build one right on the edge between the Pluma neighborhoods and the New Luna neighborhood. The rest, I mean, I don’t really care,” Kessie (?) says, shrugging, which earns her an elbow from the movie star.

Catra’s still beaming. “I just can’t believe we got the money. Working with the kingdoms is paying off in a big way, huh?”

The movie star rolls her eyes. “We still have to pay the money back.”

Catra scoffs. “We know what a loan is, Jumelle.”

Jumelle (?) smirks. “Do you, though?”

Catra’s still beaming.

Adora wonders whether she should leave, let Catra have this personal moment with her new friends, or stay.

Luckily, she doesn’t have to make the decision.

“Catra, are you gonna introduce us to the random girl in your apartment?” Jumelle asks, taking a new interest in Adora, green eyes scraping over her.

Catra’s smile fades quickly “Oh, yeah, um, Jumelle, Adora. Adora, Jumelle.”

Adora’s acutely aware of her dirty hair and fish smell and grime streaked face as she reaches over and shakes Jumelle’s hand. 

Jumelle’s face is passive, the only outright feeling shown the way her eyebrows slant down when she meets Adora’s eyes.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Adora mumbles, breaking eye contact.

“And--”

“I’m Kessie,” the other interrupts. “Kessie, leader of New Luna.”

Adora shakes her hand as well, stomach burning when she slides a protective arm around Catra’s waist.

Catra doesn’t even pretend to be uncomfortable, just relaxes into the touch, staring at Adora like she’s daring her to say something.

“And how do you two know each other?” Jumelle asks airily, fixing Adora with an inquisitive look.

Adora looks nervously at Catra, unsure of what to say. How much has she shared of her past life with these people?

“Adora’s She-Ra,” Catra says easily, eyes hardening and sliding down to where the sword was barely poking out her bag. “We fought a lot, back then.”

Jumelle’s eyebrows raise. “And… she’s staying with you?”

Kessie’s mouth splits into a wide grin. “You’re the She-Ra? And you left Bright Moon? Oh my god, Queen Glimmer’s gonna throw a fit. She could barely handle it when my village emptied out.”

Adora scowls involuntarily, squaring her jaw, ready to defend her friend, when Jumelle interrupts.

“I’m sorry, I’m still on the part where you two are mortal enemies but are bunking together? What about temp housing?”

Catra shrugs. “She came here illegally. Figure I shouldn’t raise that sparkling homelessness rate.”

Kessie snorts. “The She-Ra, sneaking over to our big city on a fishing boat. How poetic.”

Adora’s scowl deepens.

Catra sees it, knows that Adora’s close to snapping.

“Yes, well, the She-Ra has been traveling for a while now, and doesn’t need you yapping bitches in her face. Go away.”

Kessie smirks. 

Jumelle sighs. “Yeah, no, fine, I guess. You’re coming out celebrating with us though, right? At the Canary?”

Catra nods, a tight smile on her face. “I’ll see you at, what, eight?”

“Don’t be drunk before then,” Kessie throws out, casting a glance at Catra’s full glass on the table. 

Catra scowls at her. “Bitch.”

“Okay, Kessie, let’s go,” Jumelle murmurs, wrapping Catra in a quick hug before nodding at Adora and slipping out the door.

Kessie sighs dramatically, plants a big kiss on Catra’s cheek. “I’ll see you later, my love.”

_My love?_

“We got the money, Kes,” Catra responds, eyes glittering again.

Kessie nods back at her, beaming. “We got the fucking money.”

She slams the door behind her.

“I didn’t realize you had a girlfriend,” Adora blurts out, voice strangled. 

Her face heats when she realizes what she said, but she doesn’t take it back.

Catra turns to her, surveys her clenched jaw and tightened fists casually.

“She’s not. She’s just affectionate. And annoying.”

Catra picks up her wine glass and chugs it shamelessly. When she’s done, she slams it down on the table.

“Bathroom’s first door on the right. I’ll get you some towels. Do you have extra clothes?”

Adora blinks at her. “What?”

Catra sighs.

“If you’re coming out with me tonight, you have to be clean, Adora.”

Adora smiles slightly.

~*~

They ended up having to go clothes shopping.

The club Catra and her friends would be frequenting tonight was high end, the newest club that had popped up in Kennedy City, and Adora’s ratty-ass jacket wouldn’t cut it.

She showered, dressing in a pair of jeans that were too big for Catra and one of her old crop tops. When Catra catches a glimpse of them walking side by side in a window, they look like they purposefully coordinated their outfits.

Catra hates that, but Adora literally has nothing else, so she drags Adora and her fucking rippling muscles over to the closest boutique.

Luckily, that happens to be the one that Kyle and Rogelio own, which serves Catra’s agenda perfectly.

They enter, the bell rings, and Catra immediately latches a hand onto Adora’s elbow and steers her to the back, where Kyle’s sitting, messily stitching something together. He’s always sitting there.

“Kyle, look who I found wandering the docks.”

Kyle looks up, pale face flushing when he sees Adora. 

“Oh- oh my god! Adora! How are you? Are you- uh, congrats on killing Hordak?”

Adora grins sheepishly, and Catra resists the urge to cackle. “Hi, Kyle.”

“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” Catra says airily, shoving Adora into an open chair near Kyle and turning.

Adora has absolutely no fashion sense, and if Catra was going to integrate her into her friend group, her friend group of judgy, traumatized, mouthy women, then Adora had to look good.

Most of the refugees thought She-Ra hadn’t done enough in the war, showing up so late, that if she and the princesses had worked harder, let some parties slide by, then they wouldn’t have had to go across the sea just to feel safe. 

Her friends were a part of that group. 

Plus, Jumelle and Kessie were humongous gossips, so everyone probably knew by now that Catra was shacking up with the She-Ra, so if Adora was going to impress, she had to get in front of their first impressions, and that started with looks.

Catra wanders through the store, picking garments at random. Some for Adora, some for her. After thirty minutes, Kyle and Adora are still awkwardly chatting and Rogelio has tailored the clothes she’s picked out to fit her perfectly (he’s very good at his job).

It’s a too-big suit jacket, with the sleeves rolled up and the shoulders puffed out slightly. All she’s wearing is a plain bra underneath, though later she’ll switch it to something a little sexier. Her pants are tight, fitted, and she’s wearing heels that are so tall it’ll be sure to make Kessie whoop.

“Get Adora for me, will you?” Rogelio asks in that weird half growl. She nods and turns, barely opening the door before immediately running headlong into Adora.

“Christ, Adora, take a deep breath before you kill me,” she mutters, brushing off some dust on her sleeve.

She looks up, glaring at Adora, before she realizes that she hasn’t changed yet.

Adora’s eyes rove over her, mouth agape, for one excellent, unfiltered second, before she averts her eyes, cheeks turning red. 

“Sorry, it’s just been a while and I was worried you left,” she mumbles, cheeks red.

Catra smirks. “No, not yet. But it’s time for you to get fitted.”

“I didn’t buy anything yet.”

Catra laughs and walks off.

Adora stares, confused behind her.

~*~

Adora’s nervous, stomach roiling, and she can’t stop picking at her hair. Catra fashioned it into a bun, but it’s too tight, and her scalp is already protesting.

“Who’s gonna be there?” Adora asks, watching as Catra sips another glass of wine.

Catra cocks her head, musing. 

She’s stretched out on her couch, glass in hand, using Adora’s backpack as support.

“Um, well, all the leaders of Mizar, so Kessie and Jumelle, who you met, Vedette, the leader of New Salineas, and maybe Shea? Shea runs Pluma, but the kid you saw me with earlier, Elegy, is her kid. She might not be able to find a sitter.”

“New Salineas?” Adora asks, watching Catra’s face carefully. Was it a joke?

Catra laughs, a deep rumble, already tipsy. “We had a lot of different refugees from a lot of different kingdoms. While we were still traveling, they appointed leaders to handle their complaints and concerns. I represent the Horde, though my job title is arguably longer than that.”

“So, New Salineas?”

Catra’s gaze slides slowly to her, dramatically and full of contempt.“Where the Salineas refugees settled.”

Adora blinks. “But we saved most of the Salineas citizens affected by the war.”

Catra bristles.

“But not all of them. Those you left behind, we took in. _I_ took in.”

She knew Catra was important, but the fact that she was basically president of this entire thing, that she had _built_ this entire thing, made her head spin.

_You deserve every good thing,_ she wants to say, but the last time she tried a well-meaning compliment it didn’t go too well, so she keeps her mouth shut.

“Essentially, when we settled here, pockets of kingdoms popped up, so they got new names. New Salineas, New Luna, Pluma, Kennedy City… there are a few more neighborhoods that call themselves something else within, but there are so many I forget.”

“Oh.”

Catra’s eyebrows slant down, annoyed at her already.“I made friends with these leaders, and because we’re celebrating all the new housing we’re getting, they’ll all be there.”

Adora starts worrying her lip, anxiety increasing tenfold.

Catra sighs, stands quickly. “Just stick by me, okay? You’ll be fine.”

Adora stands with her, stomach not appeased at all.

“So, you’re saying that I’m partying with a bunch of politicians tonight?” Adora asks, trying for a joke.

Catra smiles, but it’s hesitant. “Yeah. Don’t fuck it up, or else they might kick you out.”

Adora’s face falls. “Really?”

Catra laughs, and this time it sounds genuine. She reaches out, brushes Adora’s elbow, and just that little contact makes Adora’s heart leap.

“Let’s go.”

~*~

Catra hasn’t been to this club before.

She and Adora took a cab, even though the club’s close to her apartment, tense silence surrounding them.

Catra isn't letting herself look at Adora too closely.

Catra picked out a cream silk shirt, sleeves rolled up, unbuttoned enough to show a hint of more, and tight, ripped jeans. She figured Adora would look cool in it, but there was just something about Adora that made it… more.

Maybe it was the visible muscles pressing at the fabric, maybe it was the way the flyaways from her bun were framing her face, maybe it was the heels she had grabbed on the way out.

But Adora looked powerful.

She looked better than she ever had as She-Ra, but Catra was biased that way.

As Adora slid out of the cab and stepped onto the sidewalk in front of the club, she looked nervous yeah, but there was her ramrod posture, the way she seemed to possess an air of determination.

Catra doesn’t look at her.

“You ready?” She asks.

Adora exhales slowly. “I’m nervous about meeting your friends.”

Catra smirks and doesn’t answer, instead making a show of adjusting her jacket so maximum cleavage was being shown. Her mouth goes dry when Adora’s gaze lingers.

Finally, she lifts her gaze so she’s looking into those fucking blue eyes.

“You don’t have to,” she murmurs. “You can take the cab back.”

“I want to,” Adora says, and Catra believes her.

Catra’s lips twitch up. “Okay.”

She walks in, waving a casual hand at the bouncer.

The music in the club isn’t head splitting, the bass isn’t pounding or whatever. As a city made up of refugees fleeing a war, sensory overload isn’t where it’s at, and Catra’s thankful, already overwhelmed by Adora’s presence at her back.

The club is huge though, and the lights are low, and she can’t see any of her friends, so she takes a moment to wander over to the bar and order a double shot of whiskey. 

Adora asks for water.

“Some things never change, huh?” Catra asks before knocking back her shot.

Adora smirks, sips her water, eyes roving over the crowd. She looks more confident than she has all day. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Catra!” 

Adora’s confidence is gone in a second, instead replaced by this weird half scowl as Kessie, clad in an incredibly short, sparkly dress, runs up behind Catra, wrapping her arms around her waist and planting a sloppy kiss on her neck.

Catra leans into it, giggling, head already feeling fuzzy.

“Kes!” She says, words slurring. 

Kessie laughs. “You’re already drunk! Wonderful!”

  
Catra laughs too. “Tipsy, Kes.”

Kessie’s gaze turns to Adora, whose scowl just deepens.

“Catra, baby, you brought the mortal enemy,” Kessie says, grinning, resting her head on Catra’s shoulder.

Catra nods. She somehow already has another shot in her hand, and she’s swallowing it before she can fully realize.

“Yeah, doesn’t she look hot?” Catra asks, lidded gaze on Adora.

She does look hot.

In the low light, she looks dangerous, mysterious. Catra’s into it.

Adora’s eyebrows raise, mouth dropping open just a little.

Kessie laughs. “She-Ra cleans up well.”

“Call me Adora,” Adora says, a tight smile on her face.

Kessie nods, presses an openmouthed kiss to Catra’s neck, which Catra likes. “Of course.”

Suddenly Vedette is there.

“Vedette!” Catra squeals, pulling away from Kessie’s grip and enveloping her in a big hug.

“Wow, someone’s drunk,” Vedette comments.

Catra has the mind to glare at her.

God, maybe she is drunk. Already.

She sags back into Kessie, whose hands fold around her waist easily.

Adora’s so fucking beautiful in the roving purple lights.

“Doesn’t Adora look hot?” She asks Vedette, reaching out and gripping Adora’s elbow so she can’t run away.

She has to do that now.

She pushes away the bitterness, instead embracing her warm, happy, drunk state.

Vedette laughs, holds out her hand to Adora, who shakes it quickly, face red.

“Sorry,” she mutters. “My name’s Adora.”

Vedette smiles, cocks her head. “Vedette.”

She doesn’t mention She-Ra, which Catra is thankful for, even though she’s the one who told everyone anyway.

“Where’s Jumelle and Shea?” Catra asks suddenly.

“On their way,” Kessie informs her before knocking back a shot of her own. 

“Are Entrapta and Scorpia coming?” Vedette asks. “I need to talk to Entrapta about the irrigation--”

“Shut up!” Kessie interrupts. “No shop talk!”

Catra shrugs. “I went up to their apartments earlier to tell them but they weren’t there.” Her stupid mind has an idea. “Kessie, we should dance!”

Vedette groans. “Please don’t. It’s too early for that.”

Catra points a finger at Vedette. “It’s never too early.” She turns to Adora. “You’ve _got_ to watch us, Adora.”

  
Adora looks shocked, and a little bit terrified. “Okay.”

Catra grins, loving the way Adora’s eyes dilate slightly when her jacket shifts.

“You sure you wanna dance?” Kessie asks, and Catra’s only answer is yes, yes, yes.

Catra leads Kessie to the dance floor.

_Yes, yes, yes._

~*~

Adora hates the way Kessie lays claim to Catra’s body, with her hands and her kissing, and the way they’re so fucking familiar with each other--

“Adora, I would watch this if I were you,” Vedette advises, sipping from her glass, leaning back against the bar.

Adora nods. “So, like, do they do ballroom dancing, or--”

Vedette laughs, cutting her off swiftly. “It’s most definitely not ballroom, princess. This type of dancing… it riles people up. She does it because of that. You know, half of the city calls for her resignation, the other half turns up at the club waiting for her to do it again.”

“Sounds like Catra,” Adora murmurs, eyes glued to Catra, whose jacket keeps shifting, again and again.

Vedette sneaks a glance at her. “How do you two know each other again?”

Adora barely hears the question, fixated on how Catra is laughing as she stumbles into the middle of the dance floor. 

“Um… grew up in the Horde together.”

Vedette’s eyebrows raise slightly. “Wow. I didn’t know She-Ra was Horde born.”

Adora watches as she and Kessie messily dance, bumping into people. “Yeah, it’s quite an origin story,” she barely manages to say.

The entire thing with Kessie and Catra seems innocent, Adora doesn’t know what to look for, but then the song changes into something mellower, and as the first notes echo into the club, Adora inhales audibly, gripping the counter so hard her fingers cramp when Catra turns, grabs Kessie’s waist, pulls her close, tilts her head up and runs her tongue along Kessie’s jaw.

The beat is steady, constant, and as they start moving against each other the rest of the dance floor starts whooping, jeering, parting so they have more room.

They shamelessly grind up against each other, eyes lidded and hands placed on each other’s bodies, gripping tightly.

It’s the dirtiest thing Adora has ever seen, as Catra rolls her hips, turns, hands still reaching up and holding Kessie, keeping her close.

It’s like a choreographed dance, how they know every move the other will make, how they grin and dig their hands into each other’s waists.

Adora sees red as Catra’s head falls back on Kessie’s shoulder, hips swaying together with the beat, and moans, loudly and without shame.

Adora doesn’t know whether to be absolutely enraged or embarrassed or...

The club erupts in cheers, making Catra and Kessie grin.

They continue, beat guiding them, moaning every now and then, always in contact with each other. 

Adora can’t breathe.

~*~

Catra dips and surges up again, rutting against Kessie. 

It’s so wrong. All of it.

Every single breathless laugh, every single moan, it’s an act. It is for Kessie too. Catra knows this. 

The first time they did this they went back to Catra’s apartment and cried in each other’s arms.

Kessie cried because Catra wasn’t who she wanted her to be, and Catra cried because she knew that if she couldn’t forget about Adora for one night, she never would.

Yeah, they keep doing it. 

For everyone else. So they don’t see how hopelessly fucked up they are. 

They keep doing it for each other.

Because maybe, for one second, Catra can imagine that instead of Kessie licking her neck, it’s Adora.

And maybe, for one second, Kessie can forget her grief.

So they keep doing it. 

Adora looks so jealous.

~*~

Catra’s jacket is hanging off of her, her hair is slicked back, and as she moves the jacket swings out, revealing some sort of tattoo on her upper back.

Adora watches, waiting for another glimpse of the tattoo.

She knows Catra can see her watching, but she doesn’t care. If this is all she gets of Catra, she’ll take it.

~*~

The colors melt together, the lights sweeping over Catra. 

Red, pink, purple, blue, green, yellow. 

Kessie’s hands are soft where Adora’s are calloused.

Tears well in her eyes.

She hides the sudden swell of sadness, whirling around so she’s facing Kessie and making brief eye contact.

Kessie knows what to do, it’s happened a thousand times, after all.

She leans down quickly, kisses her hard.

It’s graphic and there’s way too much tongue, but it shocks Catra back into reality.

She leans away, forcing a giddy laugh.

She twists back around, breathlessly making eye contact with Adora as she moves her hips to the beat, Kessie solid behind her.

Adora looks shattered.

~*~

Catra looks so happy, so confident, so _free_.

And she is free, isn’t she? She’s free to grind against this girl in the middle of a crowded club and face barely any repercussions. Shadow Weaver isn’t going to threaten to throw her out, the Alliance isn’t going to use it against her.

Catra’s free to do whatever she wants, with whoever she wants.

Adora turns, orders a shot of tequila, keeps her eyes fixated on the bartender as he pours her drink.

She faintly hears the song end, turns back around just in time to see Catra and Kessie bow together. They stumble off the dance floor, laughing and still wrapped in each other.

She’s free. 

Something she never was with Adora.

Something hard hits her arm, and Adora comes to, looking blankly at Vedette, who had hit her.

“When she asks how you like it, you say you loved it. Anything less and she’s embarrassed. And get that stupid look off of your face.”

Acting like that hadn’t just absolutely destroyed her was harder than Adora could ever imagine, but the last thing she wants is for Catra to feel lesser, again, because of her.

After all, this was Catra’s life she was intruding on, and Adora was sure that her friends would actually kick her off the continent if she did anything else to hurt Catra. 

Catra and Kessie were there, Catra laughing and taking Adora’s shot from her hand and downing it before Adora could object.

She slams the glass down and stumbles into Adora, hands clutching her wrist, so close their noses were almost touching.

“Did you like it?” She asks, breathless, eyes alight.

“Loved it,” Adora forces out. By Vedette’s subtle nod, it was convincing enough, soon proven by Catra whooping and turning to Kessie. 

“She loved it!”

“Guys!”

They all turn, see Jumelle walk in with an older woman.

“Shea and Jumelle are here!” Kessie yells, turning to the bartender. “Two whiskeys for the ladies!”

When the two reach the bar, Jumelle dressed in a tight, black dress and the other (Shea?) in a long, flowing skirt and a jacket, drinks were forced into their hands by Kessie, who was drunk enough to not even scowl at Adora as she reached over her.

“You missed the performance,” Vedette informs them, deadpan.

Jumelle gapes. “Seriously? You couldn’t have waited for me? I love it when they do that shit!”

Catra laughs, leans into Adora, snaking a hand around her waist. “We can always do it again later.”

Vedette spears a sharp look at Adora, daring her to say anything. Adora clamps her mouth shut, schooling her features into neutrality the best she can, leans into Catra slightly.

Shea just cringes. “If you are, warn me. I’m too old for that.”

Catra shrugs, downs another shot. “You’ll see it in the papers tomorrow morning anyway.”

Kessie laughs, trails a hand down Catra’s arm. 

Adora grits her teeth.

~*~

Catra’s drunk, happy drunk, warm drunk. Adora’s here, and she’s making nice conversation with Shea, and every single time Catra touches her she starts, like she doesn’t expect it.

Catra’s still freezing up whenever those eyes look at her, but Kessie’s always there, always putting a hand on her back, reminding her.

_She doesn’t define me. I am here with my friends, with my beautiful, happy, kind friends who will gladly beat the shit out of her if I ask them to._

Besides, New Catra’s life isn’t centered around Adora.

She stops drinking after a while, content to just sit back and watch Adora’s eyes stray to her, watch Shea watch Adora like she has a bomb strapped to her, content to watch Adora’s eyes flash when Kessie threatens to leave a hickey on Catra’s neck.

Adora always was so bad at hiding her feelings.

“Jumelle!” Catra shouts out randomly, an idea striking her.

Jumelle looks over from her place at the bar, where she's obviously flirting with a guy, but Catra doesn’t really pay that much mind.

“Yeah, babe?”

When Jumelle’s drunk she uses pet names interchangeably, which usually is annoying, but Catra appreciates it in the moment as Adora’s jaw clenches again. 

“Tell Adora about our community plan.”

Jumelle rolls her eyes, whispers something to the guy next to her, but stands, wobbling over until she’s in front of Adora.

“Mmkay, She-Ra, as a new resident of Mizar you will be required to fill out a questionnaire, which will determine where your temporary housing will be set up and how much food will be delivered to your door each morning.” Jumelle taps Adora on the nose, giggles a little. “You can stay in temp housing as long as you want, but it’s kinda ideal if you just get your ass up out of there as quick as possible. Free therapy is offered to every Mizar resident, but you have to apply and wait for an opening. Get to it, our shrinks are busy.”

Jumelle holds up a finger, grabs Kessie’s shot from her hand and downs it, then continues. 

Catra cackles. She loves it when she does that. 

“What’s guaranteed? Oh! Um, we have one elementary school, one middle school, one high school, and one higher ed. We’re hoping to expand, but we need to wait for more money. All schools specialize in normal stuff, like, uh, learning, but also cultivating magic. She-Ra! You can go back to school and become an alchemist if you want!”

  
Adora smiles nervously. “Maybe.”

“Well you have to apply for that too!” Jumelle announces.

Adora blinks at her. “Thank you?”

“Take a bow, Jumy!” Shea says, tipsy now, raising her glass.

Jumelle does just that, leaning so far down Adora has to catch her before she falls. 

She wanders back to her guy.

Catra flashes Adora a grin. 

Adora returns it, with that stupid, hopeful look on her face.

Catra looks away, stomach roiling.

Fucking Adora.

“Kes, wanna go again?”

~*~

Adora forces herself to watch Kessie and Catra dance again.

Why? She doesn’t know.

Maybe some self-inflicted punishment.

_You left her. She created a life outside of you. It makes sense._

_Why does it hurt so much?_

~*~

It’s 2am when she stumbles out of the bar, Jumelle leaning against her right and Kessie leaning against her left, Shea walking next to them, barking at them to avoid curbs and garbage.

Vedette had taken a liking to Adora, and they’re chatting quietly, trailing behind them.

Catra had started drinking again after her second dance with Kessie, mostly because she thought she saw some sort of hunger in Adora’s eyes, but that couldn’t be possible, and then that thought made her sad, so in conclusion she was probably drunker than she had ever been. 

Vedette, the soberest of them (other than Adora) calls a cab and puts Jumelle and herself in it, ordering the driver to go to New Salineas. Before she takes off, she orders another cab for Shea and Kessie, because it’s the unspoken rule that Kessie should never be left alone, even for a second, when drunk, and Shea and Elegy tend to keep her in line better than the rest of them.

Before Shea leaves, she pulls Catra aside.

“Are you going to be okay?” She asks, casting a wary glance at Adora.

God.

She’s so lucky to have Shea. 

Catra pulls her into a long hug, burying her head in Shea’s neck and smelling flowers. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

Shea nods, pulling away to glare at Adora.

Catra giggles, turns to where Adora’s uncomfortably waiting, arms still around Shea. “Doesn’t she look hot, Shea?”

Shea rolls her eyes, kisses her cheek, and slides into the cab.

They speed off, leaving Catra and Adora alone. 

“Should I get a cab for us?” Adora asks, reaching up and letting her hair down.

It’s bluish in the light, and Catra has an urge to comb her hands through it. She doesn’t, of course, but she lets herself imagine doing it.

It would be soft, and tangled. Catra would carefully brush out the knots, teasing Adora about her sloppiness the entire time.

“Catra?”

“Oh, um, no. I like to walk when I’m drunk. My place is close enough,” Catra murmurs, turning.

They walk side by side, silent.

Catra wants to ask her if she enjoyed her night, and while she distantly muses that perhaps it’s not the best thing to push Adora right now, she does anyway.

“Did you like it?” Catra asks, slowing down, twisting so she can see Adora.

Adora’s half shrouded in darkness, her eyelashes casting shadows on her face, her hair draped around her shoulders.

Catra can’t see her eyes in the dim street, which she’s so thankful for. If she could, she’d freeze. She doesn’t want to freeze.

“Like what?” Adora asks, and Catra knows her so well, so fucking well, that when she starts chewing on her lip, Catra smiles. She’s nervous.

“My friends? The club? The city? Me?”

Normally, Catra wouldn’t add that last part, but she’s drunk, and that warm feeling in her is emboldening her in a dangerous way.

Adora clears her throat and shrugs. “Your friends… I don’t think they like me very much.”

Catra laughs, stumbles towards Adora, grinning when Adora catches her around the waist without a thought. “Your friends don’t like me either!”

Adora huffs, pulls away slightly. “Well, you have tried to kill them multiple times.”

Catra laughs sarcastically, reaching up and tapping Adora on the nose, something she learned from Jumelle. “I sure have. But you haven’t tried to kill my friends, so what’s your excuse?”

Adora smiles despite herself, rolls her eyes. “Good point.”

Catra wobbles again, just to see if Adora will reach for her, which she does.

  
Catra uses the opportunity to press closer, giggling, cheeks hot.

This is such a bad idea.

Catra looks up at Adora, smirking. “And how did you like your first day? Was it everything you ever imagined?”

Adora smiles nervously, again, but makes no move to push Catra away. 

“It’s extraordinary here, Catra. You’ve accomplished so much.”

Catra rolls her eyes. “I know that. If you really want to compliment me, you shoulda said something like, ‘Catra, you’re really good with kids, and you look great in that outfit!’ Oh! And, ‘Catra, your dance moves are so good!’”

Adora grins, pulls Catra a little closer. “Okay, so, Catra, you’re really good with kids. And, you look great in that outfit, and your dance moves are so good.”

Catra’s chest is so light, she almost can ignore that Adora’s going to leave her again one day.

Catra taps Adora on the nose again. “See? All I needed.”

Catra pushes off of Adora, stumbling down the street. 

“Um, are you sure you know where you’re going?” Adora asks from behind her, and the question is so ridiculous Catra has to laugh.

“Are you the one that’s been living here for months? Or did you just get here today?”

Adora ducks her head, acquiescing. “Do you usually walk home alone?” Adora asks her quietly after a beat of silence.

“No. Kessie usually comes home with me,” Catra says casually. 

She doesn’t realize how that sounds until Adora mutters a small, _oh_.

“Not, like, to fuck. Kessie and I, we’re completely platonic-- well, not platonic, because we have fucked, but not in, like, months.”

Catra knows she’s babbling, but continues, only because Adora looks equal parts horrified and amused, and she likes that a little.

“Like, we can do that dance and then wake up the next morning and be fine. And I can go about my business and she can go about hers, and then… well yeah. All that. I mean, do we do it because we’re attracted to each other? Maybe a little. Would we ever get together? No. It’s just like, I need affection, she needs affection, and it’s easy to be together. But we haven’t fucked since, like, we first met. That’s actually how we met. Kind of.”

Adora coughs, badly disguising a laugh. “Whatever you say.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“I think seeing you and her grind up on each other was, objectively, the dirtiest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Catra laughs, shoves Adora, who grins. “What dirty things have you seen?”

“That’s not the point!”

It’s so easy to forget everything between them. It’s so easy to assume that all is forgiven and to start giving each other shit again, to start brushing up against her and watch her eyes flash like nothing had ever happened.

Catra allows herself to get a little too close again.

It’s so easy.

~*~

Adora is the most exhausted she’s ever been, and she fought in a war. 

Days of being on that stupid, stinking boat led to very little sleep, and then, when she arrives at her destination, she’s dragged to a club until the middle of the night, where she’s emotionally exhausted at every turn. 

As she tosses and turns on the couch, she feels the cool leather, yeah, but she also feels Catra’s hands on her wrists, the soft dig of Catra’s claws scraping across her arms, she feels Catra’s arm around her waist.

She hears Catra’s laugh, her cackle and her giggle, she hears Catra going on and on about her complex relationship with Kessie, which apparently is completely platonic.

She sees Catra’s eyes, flashing different colors in the club, magnified in the streetlight, her flushed face right up against Adora’s.

She drifts in and out of sleep, feeling the ghost of Catra all over her.

The sun rises, makes it impossible to sleep.

She hears Catra. _Doesn’t she look hot?_

She’s stuck in a half dream, where she and Catra are dancing around peonies, when someone starts pounding on the door.

After a moment of debating whether or not she should open it, she stumbles over, opens it, still in the pair of pajamas Catra loaned her, shorts and a tank top.

It’s Kessie.

Adora holds in a groan.

Great.

As Kessie smiles and pushes past her, into the apartment, the feeling of Catra disappears.

Fucking great.

“Hey, Kessie,” Adora says, barely managing to keep her voice steady, closing the door softly. 

“Hi, Adora. Just thought I’d pop in and say hi,” Kessie responds, settling into the couch, kicking Adora’s stuff to the side.

“Catra’s not awake yet,” Adora says, clenching her jaw as Kessie’s mouth drops open in mock surprise.

“Is she? What a shame. But I was actually coming here to say hi to you.”

Adora blinks. “I- I’m sorry, what?”

Kessie leans back, casually stretching up. “I just wanted to have a conversation.”

“Um, okay. Yeah, sure.”

Kessie gestures to the floor in front of her. “Have a seat.”

Adora barely manages not to smack her.

“I’d rather not,” Adora says, smiling tightly.

Kessie’s eyebrows tick up slightly but she doesn’t push the topic. 

“How long are you staying, Adora?” 

Adora shrugs. “Indefinitely.”

Kessie laughs, but it’s thick with contempt. “Really?”

“Um, yes?”

“Excuse me for being surprised. It’s just... well, from what I’ve heard, staying in one place isn’t exactly your strong suit.”

Inhale slowly.

Exhale slowly.

_She’s just looking out for Catra. She’s being a bitch about it, but you would do the same._

Adora relaxes slightly.

When she speaks again, her voice is steady, warmer.

“Yes, well. I fully plan on staying here. I think it’s wonderful what you guys have done with this place. From what I’ve seen, it’s extraordinary.”

Kessie nods. “This is all Catra’s doing.”

“I know.”

“She’s finally in a good place, Adora,” Kessie continues, and there’s something dangerous in her voice that makes Adora’s eyes narrow, despite her declaration of calmness two seconds ago. “She’s finally happy. I don’t want her to drop back into that bad place just as she’s finally crawled out of it.”

Adora understood that. She understood it so deeply that her heart twisted. She had seen Catra crawl out of that portal, she had seen the haunted look in her eyes after the portal closed. And she had also seen Catra laugh and joke with that little girl, and she had seen her hug Shea like she never wanted to let go, and she had seen how free Catra looked while she talked and drank and laughed with Kessie.

“I have no intention of hurting Catra,” Adora says, voice wavering slightly.

“I believe you,” Kessie responds, a wistful look on her face. “But intentions are separate from actions.”

Kessie stands, flipping her long braids casually, and brushes past Adora, filling her nose with the scent of coconut.

“When Catra wakes up, she’s going to be so hungover that she won’t be able to think straight. If you want to avoid her rage, just keep clear until she’s had her coffee.”

And then she’s gone.

Adora feels like she’s taken a punch to the stomach.

~*~

Catra wakes up groaning.

Her mouth’s dry, her head’s pounding, everything feels heavy.

She doesn’t even try to get up, just sinks deeper into her sheets.

As horrible as she feels, a small part of her wishes she had gotten even drunker last night, so she wouldn’t have to remember Kessie’s concerned look as she kissed her on the dance floor, the way she threw herself at Adora, how gorgeous Adora looked last night.

“Fuck,” she mutters, whimpering when just that word sent her into a fit of pain. 

If she had it her way, she’d never, ever get up again, but her bladder and her stomach had other plans, apparently.

She rolls out of bed and rushes to the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach in the toilet quickly.

“Motherfucker,” she whines.

She flushes the toilet, stands on wobbly legs and turns, and shrieks in surprise when she sees Adora standing in the doorway, a freaky expression on her face, holding a cup.

The nausea quickly returns, and she barely has time to glare at Adora before she’s hunching over again, dry heaving over the toilet.

She faintly feels Adora’s hand rubbing circles on her back, and as much as she would like to bat away Adora’s hand and tell her to go the fuck away, she can’t even muster the strength to hold her hair back, which, of course, Adora does for her. 

She heaves for the last time, sighing and sagging back onto the ground.

“When’d you cut your hair?” Adora asks, still rubbing circles into her back.

Catra twists, slaps her hand away. “Why the fuck do you care?”

Adora reels back, not even bothering to disguise her disappointment. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “Um, I saw the coffeemaker, just figured… I brought you some coffee.”

She puts the mug down and hurries out. 

Catra sighs and buries her head in her hands. 

Fuck.

~*~

Kessie had warned her and yet she still had--

Why did she think it would be different? That Catra would be nice to _her_ even when she knew she wouldn’t--

Kessie said _don’t talk to her until she gets her coffee_ so Adora stupidly made her the coffee, thinking that would help, and stupidly accosted her in the bathroom while she was puking because she stupidly thought that just because she was Adora that Catra would be nice.

If anything, her being Adora made Catra even less inclined to be nice. 

“Adora…” 

Adora whirls around, mouth dropping a little when she sees Catra there, awkwardly holding the coffee.

“Thank you for the coffee. And I’m sorry-- I, uh, I’m sorry I yelled at you. It was uncalled for. You were just trying to help.”

Catra looks just as uncomfortable as Adora feels.

Catra never apologized. And here she was, apologizing for something that she easily could have brushed off.

Adora gives Catra a small smile. “No hard feelings.”

Catra snorts. “Well, we don’t need to go that far.”

A beat passes.

“Um… do you want to, like, take a tour of Mizar?”

  
Adora nods. “Yeah.”

~*~

Adora is so hopelessly stupid.

At least, that’s what Catra’s thinking as they walk through New Luna, Adora shamelessly gaping and staring the entire time.

“It looks just like Bright Moon!” Adora says for the fifth time, smiling a little at a floating lantern.

“We can set you up with a house here, you know,” Catra murmurs, even though that’s the last thing she wants to do.

Adora wrinkles her nose. “No. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Bright Moon’s great and all, but Kennedy City… feels like home, you know?”

Catra nods. “Yeah. Like home.”

They walk in silence after that, Adora occasionally gasping at something.

“That house is so cute,” she murmurs to herself, blushing when Catra snorts.

“Don’t make fun of me!” 

Catra turns, hiding her grin. “I’m not.”

Adora bumps her shoulder. “Yeah, you are.”

  
“I guess I am.” Catra angles her head so she’s looking at Adora.

  
She’s got that stupid look on her face again. Like she’s… fond?

Catra doesn’t know why that makes her so angry. Maybe because Adora doesn’t feel that way about her, her mind is just fucking playing tricks. 

And even if she did care about Catra, she was just going to leave in a couple days anyway. No point in getting used to it.

Whatever.

She needs to stop thinking about it.

She turns abruptly, leaving Adora standing there, alone.

“Take a cab to New Salineas? It’s the only thing you haven’t seen yet.”

She doesn’t wait for an answer, just marches off.

If she turned back, she would have seen Adora’s stupid, fond expression fade.

~*~

They don’t stay in New Salineas for long. 

Although Adora’s absolutely amazed by her surroundings, she can’t help but feel like Catra’s edginess, her anger and her bitterness is because of her, because she’s here.

Intruding on her life, her friends, her family.

Adora used to be her only family.

Catra has just finished muttering about the underwater town when Adora’s eyes catch on the cliffs in the distance.

“What’s up on those cliffs?” She asks Catra quickly, trying to get in front of whatever mean thing Catra’s going to say next.

It takes Catra a moment to register the question, then she blinks and looks up like she’s never seen those cliffs before. 

She shrugs after a moment. “I’ve only been up there once, and it just seemed empty, you know? Too harsh of an environment for anything to grow.”

Adora wants Catra to smile again.

“Can you take me up there?”

Catra snorts, but it’s more mean than amused. “I barely got up there, princess. I don’t know how you will.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Okay, fine. But still, how will you get up there?”

“I’ll climb, I don’t know.”

Adora manages to do it.

~*~

The view of the water is excellent from all the way up here. 

Catra never noticed that before.

~*~

They're sitting at the edge of the cliffs, legs hanging over, staring at the sea.

“I never knew the ocean could be that big,” Adora says.

“It scares me,” Catra responds.

Adora looks over at her. 

A single tear streaks down her face.

~*~

“Bow and Glimmer got married without me.”

Catra sneaks a glance at Adora. “Yeah, that’s typically how marriage works. Unless you’re a threes-”

“No, like I wasn’t invited to their wedding. I didn’t even know about it til months later.”

“Oh.”

“And I know it’s their business, but it still hurts, you know? They didn’t even want me there. Not enough to actually invite me. I felt-- I _feel_ like… an afterthought.”

Catra clenches her jaw.

“Wonder what that feels like,” she forces out, voice cracking so disgustingly.

Silence descends over them, the only noise is the wind and the seagulls.

“I never wanted to leave you,” Adora finally whispers.

Catra turns slightly so she can look at her.

Adora’s looking at the ocean like if she stares hard enough, it’ll fix her.

Catra knows the feeling.

“I believe you.”

Adora always had better morals than her. She always was the one who was going to do what was right. Those later years… it felt like Catra was trying to conceal the truth from Adora as best she could. It was only a matter of time before Adora would have found out. Just because Catra wasn’t courageous enough to follow her…

Catra exhales slowly. She’s never admitted that to herself. Never admitted that she could have followed if she wanted to. There was nothing stopping her other than spite.

“I believe you,” she repeats, firmer this time. After a beat, she murmurs, “Besides, you came back for me, in a way.”

Adora’s lips curve up. “More like I couldn’t stay away.”

Catra ignores the flutter in her stomach at that.

She turns back to the sea.

~*~

They dream of each other that night.

It feels like a rift has been bridged.

~*~

It’s a Thursday, which means dinner at Shea and Elegy’s. Kessie’s wrapped up with something, Jumelle feels sick (hungover still), and Vedette, as usual, is busy, so it’s just Catra tonight.

Or so she thought.

“Where are you going?” Adora asks, stretched out on the couch, random book in hand. 

She stole it off of Catra’s bookshelf.

She looks comfortable here. At home.

It’s been over 24 hours since the cliffs, and Catra can’t stop thinking about the possibility that Adora _wasn’t_ leaving.

She banished the thought quickly.

She shouldn’t fool herself.

“Dinner at Shea’s,” Catra says casually, tucking her sweater into her jeans. 

Adora blinks. “Oh. Should I… go find a restaurant to eat at then? Or…?”

Catra sighs.

Shit.

Catra hasn’t gone grocery shopping in a while, long enough for there not to be enough for a full meal. Especially for Adora, who’s always eaten more than Catra. And Adora doesn’t have money to buy a meal with, and Catra’s pretty confident in her assumption that Adora would rather starve than take money from her.

“You wanna come with?”

Catra better not regret this.

By the way Adora brightens, she can’t imagine a world where she does.

~*~

Shea’s house is quaint. It’s small, cottage-like, with a thatched roof and everything.

Humongous, colorful dahlias pop up from behind a small, white picket fence, and wisteria hangs from the roof. There’s no front yard, just a small garden.

Catra doesn’t even knock on the door or ring the doorbell, just lets herself in, yelling, “I’m here!”

Adora lingers behind, suddenly nervous. 

Shea didn’t seem to like her the last time they talked. And Elegy… well, she certainly was distrustful of Adora.

Adora hears a delighted shriek, and through the open door she can see the kid burst into the room, sprinting towards Catra.

Catra sweeps her up, spinning her, before putting her down and giving her a big hug. “How’s my favorite little person?”

The kid shrugs. “School’s starting soon. Mom says it’ll be fun, but Meribah says her dad says that it isn’t.”

“I never went to school, so I don’t know. But trust your mom.”

The kid shrugs again. “Whatever. I still have a few weeks.”

Catra straightens, pats the kid on the head, which makes Adora smile, inexplicably.

“What’s your mom making?” 

“I don’t know, something Kessie taught her-- oh! Is Kessie here? She promised to race me the next time we saw each other.”

Catra laughs nervously. “Kessie isn’t here, but, um, _Adora_ is.”

The girl falls silent, leaning past Catra to peer at Adora, who’s still standing in the doorway awkwardly.

“Um, h-- hi, Elegy,” Adora says, voice strained.

She gives the girl a little wave.

The kid doesn’t respond, eyes sliding up to Catra.

“Why’d you bring her?” She whispers, and Adora winces.

Catra rolls her eyes and picks Elegy up again, murmuring to her about being rude.

“Adora, get in here. Don’t be weird,” she tosses behind her. Adora enters, toeing off her shoes.

Whatever. She could do this. She fought in a war.

~*~

Adora looks so deeply uncomfortable. 

On the one hand, Catra really wants this to go well. On the other, she’s really amused at how Adora winces each time Elegy glares at her.

Shea made some sort of stir-fry, which is delicious. Adora’s shoveling into her mouth at a rate which can’t be deemed polite, but no one seems to mind.

Adora keeps glancing at Catra.

Catra keeps looking at her plate, picking at her food.

~*~

“So, Adora, other than Catra, do you know anyone else here?” Shea asks, eyes darting to Catra before settling on Adora.

Her gaze is like fire. Unrelenting, burning. 

Adora swallows the remainder of rice in her mouth and clears her throat, starting to sweat. “Um, yeah. Basically everyone here from the Horde I’m familiar with.”

“Have you been to Lonnie’s shop yet? She and Kessie co-own it. They make some beautiful pieces. Half of the stuff in this house is from there.”

Adora shakes her head. “Not yet. I went to, uh, Kyle and Rogelio’s place, though.”

Shea makes a face. “I cannot stand that Kyle.”

Catra groans. “He made a mistake, Shea. He apologized!”

Shea stabs at her plate. “Still don’t like him.”

“What… what happened?” Adora asks, feeling distinctly like she’s wading into dangerous territory.

Shea scoffs. “That fucker-- excuse my language, Elegy-- that motherfucker _told_ Bright Moon officials that Catra lived here.”

Adora blinks, remembering Catra’s wanted in Bright Moon. “Bright Moon has no jurisdiction over here.”

“That’s what we all thought, before they came marching over here with a warrant out for Catra’s arrest. Thank god we were able to get rid of them,” Shea mutters, angrily shoving some food in her mouth.

“Kyle’s always been sloppy like that,” Catra interjects. “But it’s fine. That’s just… who he is.”

“I like Kyle,” Elegy announces. 

Adora smiles slightly.

“It’s not going to happen again, though, right?” Adora asks after a beat of silence, eyes glued to Catra.

Catra shrugs. “We’ve taken preventative measures.”

She makes eye contact briefly with Adora, mouths _it’s nothing_ , then looks back down at her plate.

“I never heard of anything like that happening while I was in Bright Moon,” Adora mutters, furrowing her brows.

Catra laughs dryly. “That’s ‘cause you’re as observant as a brick wall.”

Shea leans over and swats Catra’s arm lightly. “Rude.”

Elegy just giggles, slurping her juice.

Adora’s got that stupid expression on her face. 

~*~

It goes well.

Shea keeps glancing between Catra and Adora like there’s something she’s trying to figure out, but other than that, it goes really, really well.

Elegy has stopped glaring at Adora by the end of the meal, instead opting to ask her questions about her horse, which she somehow knows about.

“I can do the dishes,” Adora blurts at some point and Elegy, never one to be outdone, volunteers as well.

Catra and Shea stay in the dining room, sipping wine, and Catra can just barely clamp down on a smile as she hears Adora and Elegy giggling together.

“She really did seem shocked when she heard about Bright Moon trying to collect you,” Shea murmurs, swirling her wine thoughtfully.

“Yeah, well, Adora would never make that type of decision. She’d be like, _uh blah blah, let’s just leave them alone! Uh blah blah._ ”

“I thought for a moment that she was here to take you back to Bright Moon.”

As much as Catra desperately doesn’t want to consider that, she forces herself to.

“No,” she says after a minute. “She wouldn’t do that.” _Especially to Catra._

Because Adora wouldn’t. No matter the terms they parted on, Adora had always respected Catra’s boundaries. Catra destroyed the world and then fucked off to nowhere, and Adora still wouldn’t force her to do anything.

God, Adora’s an idiot.

“Adora’s too much of a sap to do that,” Catra adds, sipping her wine.

Shea laughs quietly. “Yeah, well, that much is obvious. She stares at you like she can’t believe you’re even talking to her.”

Catra smirks. “I can’t believe I’m talking to her either.”

“Did she, um, did she mention that Kessie talked to her?”

Catra’s eyes slide to Shea. “Yeah, you all talked to her at the club.”

“No, not there. Kessie went to your apartment, apparently. The morning after the club.”

Catra half chokes on her wine, just managing to swallow it instead of spitting it up.

She starts hacking, throat burning, and Shea thumps her back a few times.

“She… _talked_ to Adora? Adora never mentioned that. What did-- what did they talk about? Kessie tends to… not mince words.”

Shea shrugs. “According to Kessie, she was just making sure Adora was, quote, ‘legit’.”

“That sounds like Kessie,” Catra mutters, bringing up a hand to rub at her temples.

Shea lays a hand on Catra’s arm, looking at her with a protective fierceness that makes Catra want to burst into loud, messy tears.

“None of us want you to get hurt, Catra.”

“I don’t want to get hurt either, Shea.”

Shea’s grip tightens. “That girl is dangerous. In more ways than one.”

Catra sighs, and her eyes flutter closed. “I know.”

“Is she worth it, Catra?”

Catra hates herself, and she hates Adora, and she hates Shea for making her think about this, and she hates Kessie for pushing Adora, and she hates Adora again for not telling her about it, and she hates Vedette and Jumelle just because, and she hates herself, and she hates this.

“Yeah. She’s worth it.”

She always has been.

~*~

Adora and Catra are climbing the tower in the Fright Zone. 

Catra scales it easily, Adora trails behind her, huffing, face red.

“Rusty, huh?” Catra calls when she reaches the top, cackling.

Adora starts to climb faster, sloppier, desperate to get there sooner.

She falls.

It’s only about fifteen feet, she really is _so_ far behind Catra, but it’s enough to do some damage.

She falls unconscious the second her head hits the half dirt, half steel ground.

(It’s a mild concussion, nothing to worry about, but they don’t know that yet)

Catra barely manages to hold in her scream, and immediately starts climbing down, faster than she ever has.

“ _Adora_ ,” she gasps, scampering over to her prone body. “Adora. Oh my god, Adora. Adora, wake up. Please don’t be dead. Adora, please don’t be dead.”

Adora comes to at that moment, coincidentally, groaning.

“Adora! Are you okay?”

“No,” Adora says, wincing. “Obviously.”

Catra laughs slightly, breathless and nervous. “I’m just so glad you’re alive.”

Adora moans, curling into a ball, clutching her head.

“Are you bleeding?” Catra asks, straddling Adora carefully. She trails her fingers over Adora’s head softly, smiling when it seems to placate her slightly.

“I don’t think so. I just-- _ugh_ \-- have a really bad headache.”

Catra leans down, lifting Adora’s head towards her, hand darting to her neck, feeling for blood. 

Her hand comes away sticky.

“Shit,” she whispers. “You’re bleeding.” 

Adora groans again. “Great. Shadow Weaver’s gonna kill me.”

“More like she’s gonna kill me,” Catra mutters, climbing off of Adora.

Catra slings an arm around Adora and helps her up. Adora falls into her, blood staining Catra’s shirt, groaning in pain. 

“Christ, Adora. Are you going to be able to walk?”

“I will be if you kiss me,” Adora teases, grinning.

Catra rolls her eyes and leans down, kissing her softly and quickly.

“You good now?”

“I don’t know, I might need another.”

Catra laughs and kisses her again, hands tangling in her hair. 

And even though that’s not what happened, there was no kissing, it was only punishments from Shadow Weaver and worry, there was no teasing and there was no giggling and pushing each other up against steel beams, as Adora wakes up, so still no one would ever know her eyes fluttered open, fighting to keep her breathing steady, she wonders why that scenario, with the kissing and the surety of Catra’s arms around her, felt so right.

~*~

Weeks pass.

Adora still hasn’t moved out.

Catra pretends it bothers her.

Whenever Scorpia and Entrapta come over for breakfast, Catra kicks Adora out, citing random reasons they both know are crap.

Truthfully, she doesn’t want these two worlds to collide just yet.

Entrapta and Scorpia are safe, they’re reminiscent of a bad past, but proof that things can change. 

Adora’s all fragile civility, sneaking glances, waking up in the middle of the night and hating that Adora’s outside of her room, and that that thought makes her feel okay.

Plus, Adora had already met all of her other friends. She was even starting to become _friendly_ with them.

Catra wants to keep this for herself.

She knows Entrapta and Scorpia are curious as to why Adora is never there on Saturday mornings, even when her stuff is in full sight and Kessie has been gossiping about Adora _still_ living with Catra to everyone earlier, but they never mention it.

At least, they hadn’t mentioned it until a month and a half after Adora had arrived.

“Catra, I’m concerned,” Entrapta announces, setting her fork down.

Catra groans inwardly. 

After a long pause, she meets Entrapta’s gaze. “Yes?” She says casually, devoid of emotion.

“Entrapta and I ran into Adora in the hallway,” Scorpia interjects, obviously nervous. “She-”

“She looked very disheveled, Catra.”

Catra sighs. “Look, guys--”

“If you’re doing this because you think we can’t handle it--”

“Entrapta--”

“Catra. Please listen,” Entrapta says evenly. 

Catra exhales slowly. “I’m sorry. Please continue.”

Entrapta nods. 

“If you’re keeping us apart because you think we can’t handle it, you’re wrong.” 

Catra waits.

“Is that it?”

They both nod.

“I know you can handle talking to Adora. It’s just…ugh. _I_ can’t handle you talking to Adora. It’ll make things… too real.”

Entrapta blinks at her, but it seems that Scorpia immediately starts crying.

“ _Catra_ \--”

“Scorpia, please don’t--”

“Why didn’t you just _say_ that? We’ve been talking to Adora for _weeks_ now, wondering why you weren’t inviting her to our breakfasts--”

“Wait, you’ve been talking to Adora?” Catra asks, effectively stopping Scorpia’s half rant.

Entrapta shrugs. “Here and there. I wanted to explain why I took so long to send her a letter.”

“So you did send the letter,” Catra says, forgetting to phrase it as a question.

“Kessie has been telling us for weeks now that you guys have been growing closer,” Entrapta starts. “We were simply curious as to why you weren’t telling us.”

Catra starts rubbing at her temples, trying to will away the growing headache. 

“But now we know,” Scorpia continues, softer. “Catra, it’s okay that you aren’t quite ready for all of this yet. It’s understandable.”

“Exactly. The mental toll all of this must be taking on you--”

“Entrapta,” Scorpia interrupts, casting a worried glance at Catra.

“Can we talk about something else?” Catra asks, shoveling a bite of waffle into her mouth.

Scorpia claps her claws together. “Of course! In fact, I wanted you two to be the first to know. My gym is officially opening two weeks from today.”

“Really?” Scorpia nods. “Oh my god, Scorpia! That’s great!”

“On Friday night, we’re going to have a small party, and on Saturday, we will officially be open for business. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Scorpia, that’s a _huge_ deal. I’m inviting everyone I know,” Catra announces, trying to be as supportive as possible.

Scorpia lunges across the table, upending several plates and glasses, and envelopes both of them in a bone-crushing hug.

“I’m so proud of us!” She says, voice thick. “Super Pal Trio!”

Entrapta mutters something about how the spilled orange juice is going to ruin the wood.

Catra grins.

~*~

Catra’s wearing a dress.

It’s tight and it’s short and it’s basically strapless.

It’s black and it shimmers in the light, matching Catra’s glittery eyeliner.

It makes Adora’s stomach roil.

Of course, her upset stomach could be due to the fact that Catra didn’t bother telling her about the gym opening until just yesterday, so that meant Adora had about 20 hours to mentally prepare herself to be in the same room as all of Catra’s friends, plus Entrapta and Scorpia. 

Luckily, she didn’t have to worry about clothes. 

“Adora, of course I got you clothes for the opening,” Catra says casually, like it’s a normal thing. 

By the way her tail flicks, Adora guesses the entire concept is just as foreign to Catra as it is to Adora.

“What… um, what’d you get me? Isn’t it just a gym, I mean--”

“It’s an opening, Adora, which means _fancy_. Even if it is just a gym.”

Catra pulls out a dress, midnight blue, short and flowy, and Adora frowns.

“Catra, that’s not _fancy--_ ”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Shut it, Adora. It most certainly is--”

“No, it’s not!”

“What do _you_ know about fashion, Adora?” Catra retorts.

“Well, not much, but enough to know that whatever that is--”

“It’s a romper.”

“Fine. I know enough about fashion to know that that _romper_ is not as fancy as what you’re wearing.”

Catra cocks her head, eyes flashing. “Do you like what I’m wearing, Adora?”

The way she says it is dangerous, even though it’s a perfectly innocent statement otherwise.

Adora doesn’t even bother responding, just snatches the romper away from Catra and stomps off, groaning.

Catra cackles, and Adora can’t hide her smile.

~*~

The opening is quiet, respectful, a few bursts of laughter here and there.

Scorpia’s elated, and it shows.

She greets everyone who comes to congratulate her with a crushing hug and a little squeal.

She even hugs Adora, who looks so shocked Catra can’t help but laugh.

The small happiness is magnified when Kessie walks in and whoops at Catra’s dress, which makes Adora scowl.

“Damn, Catra!” Kessie says, running up from behind and grabbing her waist.

Catra giggles, leaning back into the warmth. 

Kessie laughs too, pressing a kiss against the underside of Catra’s jaw. 

Catra allows it, eyes fluttering closed, but then pulls away. She turns, getting a good look at Kessie’s outfit.

She’s wearing a purple shirt, sleeves puffed and hem tucked into dark blue chinos, six inch heels catapulting her above Catra, so much so that Catra has to look up just to make eye contact. 

Catra whistles. “You look good, Kes.”

Kessie curtsies dramatically. When she rises, her eyes narrow. “Going a little slutty tonight, huh?”

“Oh shut up.”

Kessie cackles, grabs Catra’s hand. “I’m teasing, you know that.”

Catra rolls her eyes, letting herself be pulled into another weird, dancey hug. “So, how are things?”

Kessie shrugs. “Business is slowing down, unfortunately. Lonnie’s planning some sort of party or outreach or something, I don’t know.” 

Catra frowns. “Shit. I’ll swing by on Monday, how about that? I could always need a new lamp.”

Kessie leans past Catra, eyeing Adora. “And dear Adora is going to need some furnishing at some point, isn’t she?”

Adora’s eye twitches.

Catra grins and reaches out, catching Adora’s hand. “Adora doesn’t have any money, Kes. Don’t be cruel.”

Adora rolls her eyes. “Rude.”

Adora and Catra make eye contact, and Catra nearly starts screaming, because that stupid expression is on her face again. 

That expression that says _huh maybe this isn't so bad maybe we can get back to where we used to be maybe all these years of distress meant nothing maybe maybe maybe maybe._

Kessie senses her distress, like always, and puts a hand on her back, steering her away from those fucking blue eyes and towards the drink table. 

“Deep breaths, Catra.”

Catra doesn’t want to breathe deeply, she wants to turn around and scream and cry at Adora for doing this to her, for making her feel like this--

“Catra!” 

Catra turns, and an easy grin slides on her face when she sees Shea and Elegy. 

She sweeps Elegy into her arms, giving Shea a one-armed hug. 

Kessie embraces Shea, giggling. When they break apart, Kessie reaches her arms out. “I want El.”

Catra groans, but hands Elegy over, swooping her up and down into Kessie’s arms. 

She hugs Shea quickly, whispering hello.

“How’s it going so far?” Shea asks. “I saw Scorpia just a little bit ago talking to Adora, she looked delighted.”

Catra nods. “It’s going really well. If someone didn’t want to join the gym earlier, they definitely will after meeting Scorpia.”

“It’s so nice in here, I’m surprised. I never pegged Scorpia as the decorative type,” Shea murmurs, lips curving up.

Catra glances around. 

It was true. 

Scorpia’s gym is smallish, big enough for what she needed to do but still roomy. Multicolored mats and stretch balls and weights and weird running machines line the walls, making the space seem bigger, happier, messier.

Just like Scorpia herself.

“Do you think Scorpia set out drinks? Vedette’s taking Elegy for another tour tonight, so I’m ready to get _drunk_.”

Catra lets out a startled laugh, glancing over at Shea and only seeing utter seriousness. “Alright, I fully support you.”

Shea frowns. “What, no drinking with me tonight?”

Catra catches a glimpse of Adora across the room. “Not tonight.”

~*~

Adora watches from afar as Catra hugs Elegy, hugs Shea, kisses Kessie. She fits so well into this world here, this family.

She passes by Jumelle, who’s in deep conversation with Entrapta, and gives her a peck on the cheek, easy and casual, and continues, still joking with Shea.

She leans down to say hi to a kid Adora doesn’t know, waves at the father, spins away and disappears into the crowd.

“You know, Catra’s not an unreasonable person.”

Adora jumps at the voice right behind her. She twists, tensing slightly when she sees Vedette.

“Hi, Vedette. Are you enjoying yourself?” Adora asks, ignoring her earlier remark and turning back around.

Vedette sidles up beside her, swirling her drink. 

“Are _you_ enjoying yourself, Adora?” Vedette asks.

“Yeah. I think this is really great for Scorpia--”

“You’re a really bad actor.”

Adora coughs, trying to disguise her surprise. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You need to get your act together, Adora,” Vedette snaps, suddenly angry. “Catra left, she formed a new life for herself. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, is exactly what _you_ did back on the other continent. So stop moping around and scowling every single time anyone talks to her. She isn’t mine, she isn’t Kessie’s, and she’s _especially_ not yours. She’s her own person.” 

She takes a long swig and continues. “You chose to come here and intrude upon her life, so my advice is to follow Catra’s lead, build a life for yourself. Show her that you want to stay here, that you want to be someone outside of her, and for fuck’s sake, stop scowling every single time Kessie comes into the room. It just encourages her.”

Adora blinks. 

“I… thank you." She clears her throat, and narrows her eyes before saying, "But I really don't see how that is _any_ of your business. You know _nothing_ about Catra and me, and frankly, it's insulting that you think you can insert yourself into something like this.”

Vedette takes a gulp of her drink. "Good on ya for standing up for yourself." Surprisingly, she pulls Adora into a hug, and Adora winces as she smells straight whiskey on Vedette's breath. "I promise not to 'insert myself' into your business any longer. But-- really, do take my advice about Kessie. She's a bitch, that one is."

Adora coughs out a laugh, cheeks reddening. "Thank you?"

Vedette nods and walks off, grumbling about something.

The minute Vedette is out of her sight Adora’s eyes find Catra, who, surprisingly, is looking back at her. 

They lock eyes.

Adora tries for a grin, desperation to make Catra smile crawling up her throat.

Catra doesn’t smile, but her eyes drift to Vedette, who has emerged from the crowd on the other side of the room.

She looks back to Adora, cocking her head, a silent question passing between them.

_Are you okay?_

Adora half shrugs, eyes darting to Vedette.

Only then does Catra smile. 

~*~

God, Adora looks so unsure, so desperately hopeful, and once again her eyes are hooked on Catra like she’s a lifeline. 

Catra loves it, she basks in it.

She sips from the same cup all night, watching as Shea tosses back drink after drink. Vedette takes Elegy back to Salineas before 10, and at 10:30 Shea’s drunker than Catra’s ever seen her.

Shea giggles and stumbles and keeps yelling at Adora to 'come on over', which delights Catra in more ways than one.

Scorpia makes a speech, they all cheer. Kessie gets drunk at Shea’s behest.

Adora talks to Entrapta, makes polite conversation with Jumelle, hesitantly hugs Scorpia, and the entire time she’s looking at Catra. 

Jumelle drags Kessie home, waves goodbye to them all. 

People start trickling out as the night progresses, as the morning starts. 

Shea hugs Catra, hugs Entrapta, hugs Scorpia, even hugs Adora, which makes Catra laugh, and then calls a cab.

“Be careful,” she whispers into Catra’s ear before she leaves.

Catra nods, warm feeling diminishing. “Of course.”

When she walks back into the gym, the only people left are Entrapta, Scorpia, and Adora.

They’re all talking.

“Fuck,” Catra whispers.

“Catra!” Entrapta calls. “Come join us! We’re talking about you.”

Adora’s lips twitch up. 

She focuses on that, ignoring Scorpia’s wince.

“Hope it’s not anything bad,” she says, walking over slowly.

“It’s not,” Adora says quickly. 

Catra has to suppress a smirk. 

“You heading out soon?” Scorpia asks, eyes darting to Adora. 

Adora’s still looking at her.

Catra shrugs. “Yeah. Too late for cabs, though. Figured I’d walk.”

“We should all walk back together,” Entrapta says, standing. “It makes the most sense.”

Catra would rather be alone with Adora, but she knows that doing that won’t have good results. Scorpia and Entrapta are protecting her from herself, whether they know it or not.

Adora is looking at her.

~*~

Entrapta and Scorpia are half a block ahead of her and Catra.

Adora knows she should try to catch up, but this part of the city at night is too gorgeous, and besides, whenever she gasps at the lights or the sky or the sea Catra smiles. 

Adora tears her eyes away from the city, looks over at Catra, sees her best friend, her worst enemy.

Her dress shifts, revealing more of that tattoo Adora so desperately wants to see, her hair floats in the wind.

She gasps and Catra smiles.

~*~

Catra purposefully stumbles again and Adora easily catches her again, pressing her closer, so close that Catra can feel every breath, every movement.

Catra looks up, sees those blue eyes, sees that blonde hair.

Adora’s breath hitches.

Fuck.

And it’s at that moment that every small feeling and every small moment and every single little fucking thing, throughout their childhood, throughout the war, throughout these past months of fragile civility… it all solidifies, magnifies, becomes nameable. 

_I’m in love with you._

Catra’s first instinct is to run.

Her second instinct is to tell Adora. Tell her that her feelings don’t scare her. Not anymore.

But she can’t tell her that, she can’t profess her love for Adora on this dirty street in the middle of the night, especially when she doesn’t know how Adora will react.

But her mouth is already open and words are already spilling out.

“It hurt so much when you left,” she chokes out, that warm, secure feeling fully gone, slipping through her fingers and going to the wind.

It’s vulnerable and pathetic, but not _I love you,_ so Catra counts it as a win.

Adora stops walking, hands warm around Catra’s arm.

“I’m never going to leave again, Catra,” she whispers.

Catra steps away from Adora, feels the absence of her like a bullet to the chest.

“Don’t lie.”

Adora stills.

“How many times do I have to _tell_ you, Catra? I’m not leaving,” Adora says, voice breaking so beautifully.

Catra clenches her jaw and turns squeezing her eyes shut.

She shouldn’t believe her. She _can’t_ believe her.

It would just make it all the more painful when Adora left.

As evenly as she can, she says, “You _always leave_ . And that’s okay! It’s just who you fucking are. I’m not enough for you to stay here, and I understand that. You’ll get bored here and you’ll leave and I’ll never see you again, and that’s okay! Just don’t _lie_ to me about it--”

“God, Catra, can’t you just _listen_?”

“Why the fuck should I listen to you, Adora? Huh?”

“Because I’m _here_ , Catra! I’m not going to leave!”

Catra sets her jaw, nostrils flaring. _I’m here, I’m not going to leave._ She’s heard that before.

“Maybe I want you to leave, Adora? Ever think about that?”

Adora is giving her that stupid look. 

“I don’t think that’s true,” she whispers.

“You don’t fucking know what I want, don’t pretend,” Catra snarls.

Adora takes a step back.

“Just go back to your best friends in Bright Moon,” Catra spits out, turning away.

Adora lunges forward and catches her arm, yanking her back, inadvertently pulling them so close they’re pressed together. “I don’t want to!”

Catra hates that she is so close. Hates that she wants to be closer.

She looks up, meeting Adora’s gaze.

So fucking hopeful.

Catra strains forward, hating that Adora is so much taller than her. 

“Why did you come here, Adora? Was it for me, or was it for you?”

Adora drops her arm, recoiling like she had been slapped. “Catra--”

“You said that you felt left behind, yeah?” Catra starts, throwing words like they were poison. “Your best friends got married and didn’t invite you. Entrapta left. Everyone returned to normalcy, everyone moved up in their world. And you didn’t go _anywhere_.”

Adora steps back again, not even having the sense to conceal how hurt she is.

It destroyed Catra.

“Suddenly everyone isn’t on their knees worshipping She-Ra. What were the words you used? ‘I felt left behind’? _You_ felt left behind? _You_ ?” Catra laughs, a harsh, angry bark that makes Adora wince. “You _abandoned_ me, Adora. In every single fucking sense of the word. And-- and when you finally felt alone, so heart-crushingly alone, where did you go? Back to me.”

Catra takes a deep breath, feels her heart tear as Adora starts crying. 

“I’ve _outgrown_ you, Adora. I’ve made myself a life here. I’ve built a fucking city from nothing! Just because you, for _once_ , finally felt ‘left behind’ doesn’t give you any right to come here and act like you’re wanted.”

Adora’s crying, but there’s still that firm set of her jaw, the little thing that lets Catra know that Adora isn’t going to give up.

“You could have come with me, Catra,” she says, voice hard and brittle.

Catra steps closer. “I fucking know that, Adora! I’m not an idiot.”

Adora’s so close to her now, hands clutching, hair fluttering, fucking blue eyes.

“Then why didn’t you, Catra?”

~*~

“Then why didn’t you, Catra?”

All of this could have been avoided if Catra had just… _come with her_.

They could have been happy, they could have been _together_.

Together.

“Why didn’t I go with you?” Catra laughs, and it’s so empty, so cruel, that it sends a shiver up Adora’s spine. “Why do you fucking think? Because I wanted to be _better_ than you, Adora.”

“Bet-- better? What are you _talking_ about?”

Catra scoffs, roughly wiping away tears streaming down her face. “You don’t even know, do you? When we were kids, you were better at _everything_ . _Everyone_ loved _you_ more.”

“That doesn’t matter, Catra--”

“It doesn’t matter to _you_ . It was _everything_ to me.”

Catra’s throwing every single word like a bullet, she’s always been good at that, and it’s hitting Adora so fucking hard and tears are suddenly streaking down her face faster than before.

“I wanted to _win_. For fucking once.”

Her voice is so beautiful and her words hurt so much and she’s looking at Adora, _looking at her,_ which she hasn’t done for years.

Adora backs away, hands tangling in her hair.

“God, Catra! You won! Is that what you want to hear? You fucking won, okay? You built a city up from the ground, and you provided a home for hundreds of thousands of people, and you take care of kids, and you… you took me in when you didn’t have to. You won, Catra, okay?”

Catra groans. “That’s-- I don’t need to hear that, Adora!”

“What should I say, then? Catra, just tell me what I need to do to get you to _believe me_.”

All Adora wants to do is to make Catra smile again, to fix everything.

“Stop trying to _fix_ it, Adora!”

“What-- I’m not!” She lies.

“Don’t lie, Adora. Don’t fucking lie.”

Catra staggers a step away, an involuntary sob breaking out of her.

Adora watches her cry, fingers twitching to touch her.

“What do you want to hear?” She asks, voice low.

“The truth,” Catra spits out.

“You want the truth, Catra?” Adora says, voice breaking. “Here’s the truth. I _can’t_ leave, even if I wanted to. I can’t leave your apartment and your friends and your entire _fucking_ city, and I especially can’t leave you. So. That’s the fucking truth.”

Adora turns and stalks off, the wind whipping away her tears, her heels clacking loudly on the cement.

“Adora!”

She slows, twists, even though she’d much rather run away, but Catra’s standing there, looking broken and hopeful.

“I believe you.”

They’re both sobbing, they’re both seeing stars in the sky that aren’t actually there, and they’re both making a promise.

Because that’s what it is. A promise.

~*~

It’s at least an hour later before they reach home, hanging onto each other like if they let go they’d never see each other again.

They collapse together on the couch, too scared to move.

Like if they did move something would collapse, someone would break.

The night passed in fits and spurts of waking up and barely believing that Adora was still there, that Adora was always going to be there.

When Catra wakes up, gross and emotional and with a still sleeping Adora pressed against her, her hands immediately go to her dress.

It’s wrinkled to all hell.

She groans.

It’s going to take a long fucking time to iron.

She slowly shifts, lifting her pounding head to see the time.

12:30 pm.

Well, thank god Saturday breakfast had been canceled because of the opening.

She stands, stomach roiling. Fuck. 

She changes, goes to the bathroom, takes off the vestiges of her makeup, stumbles into the kitchen, and manages to do it all without throwing up from embarrassment.

She opens her cupboards, her fridge, every single drawer.

Some not so fresh fruit, some uncooked bacon Scorpia left, and a roll of bread is all she finds.

Usually, she doesn’t even attempt cooking, but her stomach is eating itself just looking at the food in front of her, and she plans on not leaving the apartment today.

She starts cooking.

~*~

Adora wakes up to the smell of burnt bacon.

She rises slowly, rubbing at her head, groaning softly.

Her mouth is dry as paper, her temples are throbbing, and she feels like she’s going to puke.

And she’s not even hungover.

She needs water, or else she might die.

She stumbles into the kitchen, not even processing the sounds and smells of cooking until they’re right in front of her.

She blinks, clearing her vision, and sees Catra bent over a stove, swearing and scraping charred meat off of a pan.

“ _Motherfucker--_ ”

Adora can’t help but smile.

After a moment of batting at the pan, Catra straightens, chucking a now- bent spoon into the sink, still swearing heartily, and turns.

She freezes when she sees Adora.

The calm, warm moment disappears, and now all Adora feels is dread.

Adora clears her throat nervously, hating how small it sounded.

“Um… I, uh, I really think we should-- um, we should talk,” Catra says suddenly, flicking off the stove and marching past Adora back into the living room.

“Oh, um-- yeah.”

Adora follows her wordlessly, shocked that Catra was so willing to talk about last night.

The old Catra…

Well, she would have rather died than talk about vulnerability, or emotional shit, or anything like that. 

Catra settles herself on the couch, amidst the wrinkled blankets, looking ready to run away at the drop of a hat.

Adora stops a couple feet away, leaning against the wall.

“Um, I’m going to start,” Catra says, crossing her arms over her chest. “It was a very emotional night, and I totally understand if, um, if you didn’t mean some of the things you said, or if you did, because a lot was said last night, you know? If you want to leave, then you can leave. And if you want to stay, then you can too, I don’t really care-- I mean, I care, but, like, it’s your choice. Not mine. So. Yeah.”

Adora blinks.

“And, I mean, if you think you need to move out, or if you think you should-- I mean, I really don’t know. It’s up to you-- and I know I already said that, but still. So. I mean, I can get you set up super easily with anything you need.”

There’s a beat, one where Adora can’t even try to tear her eyes from Catra, she can’t even comprehend how much she’s changed.

“I don’t think you’ve said that much to me since I’ve gotten here,” Adora finally murmurs, a small laugh bubbling out of her.

Catra scowls. “If you’d rather I go back to not talking--”

“No!” Adora cuts in, still laughing. “I just-- Catra. I’m staying. I’m not going to pack up and leave, okay? And I hope you still believe me, because it’s true.”

Catra nods, still scowling.

“I don’t… I don’t want to tiptoe around you anymore, okay? I want it to be like old times, you know?” Adora says, taking a step towards Catra.

“It’s never going to be like old times again, Adora.”

Catra’s voice is hard and unflinching, and it takes all of Adora’s will to keep her face passive.

She nods slightly. “I understand.”

“I do… um, want to be friends again,” Catra adds, eyes darting around.

“Okay. I can do that.”

Catra’s face splits into a hesitant smile. “Well, the first step of friendship is to go out and get us breakfast.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

Catra shakes her head. “Deadly serious.”

“From Lilac Cafe or Jerry’s?”

Catra blinks, like she’s slightly surprised Adora’s acquiescing so easily. 

“What? Do you _not_ want breakfast?”

“Lilac. It’s not even a choice, Adora, god. Jerry’s is practically garbage,” Catra says, wrinkling her nose.

Adora doesn’t mention that Lilac is technically five blocks farther than Jerry’s is, even though she doesn’t feel like walking that far.

Then again, Catra’s hungry.

Besides. She’d go to space for Catra.

Adora leaves five minutes later.

It all feels right.

~*~

Every weekday, Adora goes over to temporary housing and does repairs. She doesn’t get paid for it, only tips from residents, but, in a way, it becomes her job.

Catra watches as she leaves at 9, leaves at 8, leaves at 10, whatever hours suit her. She always stays deep into the night. 

Catra sometimes joins her, if she doesn’t have any council stuff to do. Kessie joins Adora much more often, which everyone assumed would be a complete recipe for disaster, but they actually get along well.

Adora starts seeing a therapist, starts writing to Glimmer and Bow back in Etheria. She regularly works out at Scorpia’s gym (complementary), starts going out with Catra and her friends more often.

She even babysat Elegy one night.

Every single thing feels like a promise to Catra.

Every time she collapses on the couch and says _you won’t believe what Kessie did today,_ and every time she says _my regular_ at the bar. Every time she calls Catra’s apartment home and every time she gets an inside joke. 

_I’m staying, Catra. I’m staying. I’m staying._

It’s been three months since Adora arrived.

And Catra’s utterly, irretrievably in love with her.

~*~

“Christ, Catra. You won’t believe what Kessie said earlier.”

Adora comes through the door like a storm, dropping tools and bags, kicking off her shoes, always with a story for Catra, blonde hair everywhere and hands wildly gesticulating.

Catra comes out of the kitchen, smoothly pressing a glass of water into Adora’s hand. “Something about sex?”

Adora takes a gulp of water. “Well-- well yeah, but it was _so_ gross--”

“Was it that joke about the space cadet?” Catra asks, kicking Adora’s shoes from where they landed in the middle of the room over by the door.

Adora blinks. “Yeah. It was-- it was the one about the space cadet. You’ve heard it?”

“I’ve heard all of them. You know she’s not actually that gross, right? She plays it up in front of you because she still thinks you’re a blushing virgin.”

Adora lowers herself onto the couch, cradling her water. “Oh my god-- that actually makes a lot of sense.”

Catra snorts and picks up her purse, slinging it over her shoulder. “Okay, I’m heading out.”

Adora twists from where she’s sitting, asking, “What-- where are you going?”

“Hot date,” Catra says, winking.

She’s out the door before Adora can say anything else. 

~*~

Adora stares at the closed door longer than she would like to admit.

‘Hot date’? What did that mean? 

She might be teasing Adora, that makes sense. Maybe she’s just meeting with Shea. But why not just _tell_ Adora that? 

What if she actually is going on a date?

Adora stands quickly, nearly tipping her glass of water, still staring at the door.

Why does it matter if Catra’s going on a date? It doesn’t. It’s certainly none of Adora’s business.

And, besides, it’s late. Adora has more important stuff to worry about.

Like dinner. She needs dinner. It’s almost ten, she needs to eat something.

Adora’s out the door and down the block, heading towards a takeout place barely a minute later.

She gets her food. She eats it. 

An hour passes, and Catra’s still not back.

Adora _cleans_ , she actually cleans, and that takes up another hour, and Catra still isn’t back.

What was she wearing before she left? Nothing too remarkable, Adora would have noticed.

Fuck. What was she wearing? 

Why does it matter? It _doesn’t_ matter! 

Okay, it’s midnight, she needs to go to sleep.

She doesn’t go to sleep. 

Instead, she paces.

12:30, she’s heard nothing from Catra.

What if something is wrong? What if she’s been kidnapped, or hurt, or sick? 

Stop.

Nothing is wrong with Catra. She’s just… on a _hot_ date. 

Christ.

Why does it matter?

It doesn’t.

Adora goes through this cycle about thirty times.

Catra’s still not home by the time she falls asleep.

~*~

Catra’s not lying when she tells Adora she has a date.

Milie.

Milie from Bright Moon.

Kessie had approached her last week, waxing poetic about a girl who had wandered into her shop a while ago. 

_So you’re giving me your leftovers?_ Catra had said when Kessie offhandedly mentioned that Milie was a good kisser.

_No, Catra! How dare you! I tried going on a date with her, and it just didn’t… whatever. She’s perfect for you._

Catra had understood the hidden meaning. _Okay. I’ll try it._

Milie’s nice, she’s pretty, she laughs a lot. 

She’s from a small village in Bright Moon, she came here only a month ago. She really didn’t expect the level of development, or the help she would be offered, she’s pleasantly surprised. She was perusing a furniture store two weeks ago when she met the ‘nicest’ woman.

Catra snorts when she describes Kessie as nice, but if Milie’s confused she doesn’t ask about it.

They meet at Jerry’s, but after mutually agreeing that somewhere else would be better, they wander. Catra keeps thinking she sees flashes of blonde hair. 

They end up at a newish restaurant. Catra’s never been there. Milie hasn’t either.

It’s fine.

The conversation is polite. It’s pleasant. Milie’s interesting. She’s pursuing a career in marine biology, and thinks the opportunities over here for study are plentiful. 

Her eyes are blue, but not the blue that Catra prefers, and her hair is pink when it should be blonde. 

She vehemently disapproves of Queen Glimmer, thinks she’s too young to be holding any kind of crown, and says that that’s ‘part of the reason’ she left. Catra doesn’t ask about the other part.

She’s… great. Maybe even perfect. 

But Catra… can’t. 

New Catra’s honest, so when, at the end of the date, Milie leans in for a kiss, Catra stops her.

_I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have agreed to this. I’m not in the mindset to be dating right now._

Milie nods, looking stung, and leaves quickly.

Leaving Catra alone.

She calls a cab and is at Shea’s in moments.

~*~

Adora wakes. 

It’s 3 in the morning, and nothing from Catra.

Fuck.

Adora tries to ignore the twisting in her stomach.

~*~

It’s 11:30 when she knocks on Shea’s door.

Shea answers, not looking surprised in the slightest, a nearly asleep Elegy balanced in her arms.

“Sorry-- I just… should I leave?” Catra responds, dropping her voice when Elegy starts to stir.

“No, no, it’s fine. Just give me a second.” 

Shea disappears upstairs, probably to put Elegy to bed. Catra shuffles in, hanging her coat up and taking off her shoes. 

She heads into the living room, running a hand through her slicked back hair.

Catra plans to collapse onto the couch and wait for Shea, but, as she swings through the doorway, a surprised yelp tears out of her when she sees the five eager faces staring at her.

Crowded onto the couch is Jumelle, Kessie, Vedette, Scorpia, and Entrapta, all staring at her like she’s some kind of freaky lab project.

“There you are!” Jumelle says, rising from her seat and clapping her hands together. “How was it?”

Catra reels back, smacking into the wall. “What-- what are you guys _doing_ here?”

Kessie stands too. “Well, I figured that after your date you’d end up here. So I invited the gang.”

“Why?” Catra asks, scowling, rubbing at the back of her head, smarting from the wall.

Vedette scoffs. “Because we’re _concerned_ , Catra.”

Kessie makes an indignant noise, turning to glare at Vedette. “ _No--_ I mean, yeah. We’re concerned, if that’s the word you want to use, but we also want to know how it went!” 

Catra sighs and collapses on the couch next to Scorpia, who doesn’t say a word, just lays a claw on her arm.

“That bad, huh?” Jumelle mutters.

Shea appears in the doorway. “Okay, Elegy’s asleep. How was your date, Catra?”

Catra, in the corner of her eye, sees Vedette shake her head quickly, and Shea’s eyes widen in response.

“Oh…”

Silence dominates the room for a moment, before Kessie, arms crossed and nostrils flared, huffs.

“What, Kessie?” Catra asks, tensing.

“What was wrong with her, Catra? Milie’s nice, and good for you, okay?” Kessie snaps, braids swaying as she shakes her head vigorously. 

“There was nothing fucking _wrong_ with her, okay?” Catra snarls back.

Kessie clenches her jaw, not wasting a moment when she says sharply, “Then why did you end up here, and not in her bed?” 

Catra stands quickly, knocking off Scorpia. “What about you, Kes? Why didn’t you try going out with her? Why did you just pass her off to me and run away?”

“Guys…” Scorpia says, and Catra hears the swoosh of her standing, and feels a protective touch on her shoulder.

“Answer the _fucking_ question,” Catra snaps, voice grating.

“How about you answer this, Catra? Why are you still fucking tiptoeing around Adora?” Kessie responds, eyes flashing.

Catra laughs harshly, mirthlessly, and steps closer to Kessie. “You don’t know fucking _anything_ about that--”

“Oh, I don’t? Christ, Catra.” Kessie pauses, breathing out shakily. She lifts up her pointer finger and sticks it out at Catra, and usually that would be laughable, but no one laughs. “You’re in _denial_ , Catra. It’s so fucking exhausting watching you two, like just fucking _kiss_ her already.”

“Kessie, it’s not your fucking place to say shit like that.” Catra spits out, barely managing not to cry.

Does New Catra fight with her friends and tell them they’re idiots and mock them for not being ready to go out with girls, no, that’s what Old Catra does, and here she is, falling right the fuck back into it.

Kessie moves towards Catra, warm hands grabbing her shoulders firmly, holding her in place. It’s an innocent move, but she knows Scorpia’s tensing at her back. 

“Catra,” Kessie murmurs, and the word is filled with months of hope and exhaustion and grief and devastation. 

“Please don’t say it,” Catra says, voice breaking, because if she hears it she’ll have to _do_ something about it, she’ll have to reckon with it, and she really doesn’t fucking want to.

“You’re in love with her, and she’s in love with you.”

Everything stops.

No one dares make a sound as Kessie and Catra stare at each other, locked in some kind of silent battle.

Scorpia’s tense, like she’s ready to break up a fight at any moment, Jumelle and Shea look frazzled, like they don’t know what to do, and Vedette just looks put off, like she expected this but hoped it wouldn’t happen anyway. Entrapta’s not paying attention.

But Catra doesn’t register it.

_You’re in love with her and she’s in love with you you’re in love with her and she’s in love with you you’re in love with her and she’s in love with you you’re in love with her and she’s in love with you._

For a moment, Catra’s feelings consume her, analyzing every single fucking touch and every single fucking look, and she _hates_ Kessie for making her think about this, and Old Catra most definitely would have punched her, square across the face, and ran, because the hatred is burning her from the inside, and she needs to get it the _fuck_ out.

But she knows that if she does that, she won’t be able to babysit Elegy anymore, she won’t get to hang out with Kessie anymore, Shea won’t allow her over. Things will never be the same.

She already ran away from one place.

She can’t do it again.

Kessie’s eyes, shining and defiant, flicker for just a moment, and although it’s barely anything, it’s not even indicative of an apology or an olive branch, Catra’s sure her eyes flicker too.

Silence hangs in the air, heavy and uncertain.

“I’m-- I’m sorry, Kes. I know you’re still… grieving, and moving on, all that. I shouldn’t have… said those things to you,” Catra whispers, voice hoarse.

Kessie’s gaze transforms into something soft and forgiving. “I’m sorry too. I just… it’s hard seeing you around Adora like this. I just want… I just want you to be _happy_ , Catra.”

Catra nods and takes a deep breath, and as she exhales, she lets the all consuming hatred simmer, and then snuff itself out.

Vedette exhales slowly. “Okay. See, that wasn’t so hard.”

Catra laughs softly, despite herself. 

She falls back onto the couch, Scorpia settling next to her.

Her eyes flutter closed.

“I thought she got over Adora a long time ago?” Jumelle whispers, but Jumelle isn’t naturally quiet, and Catra can still hear her.

“Christ, Jumy, do you pay attention? She’s like, right back in it,” Kessie responds, harshly and loud enough Catra can hear that too.

Shea says something Catra can’t hear. 

“I thought Adora and Catra were together this entire time,” Entrapta says, loud and unapologetic.

Catra’s head snaps up, and she barely manages to not scream at Entrapta, despite the hole burning in her chest.

“We weren’t,” Catra says, voice icy.

Entrapta opens her mouth, closes it, then opens it again and says, “So this entire time… you’ve just been fighting as ex-friends?”

Catra scowls and stands, walking away, ignoring the way Kessie’s shoulders shake with laughter.

“I hate all of you,” she tosses behind her.

“Just like how you hate Adora?” Jumelle pipes up, and she hears a yelp of surprise from Shea. 

“I fucking hate all of you!” She yells louder.

“Language!” Shea shouts. 

“She’s never going to talk to us again,” Vedette mumbles.

It’s the last thing Catra hears before she slips out the back door, the sounds of inside muffled immediately as the door softly shuts behind her. She settles into her hammock, listening to the chirps of the crickets.

She wonders if Adora’s worried. Or jealous. Or sad. Or angry. Or missing her.

Catra doesn’t want to get her hopes up.

But Kessie and Adora do spend a huge amount of time together and well, if anyone was to be completely objective…

_Shut up,_ Catra silently scolds herself. 

Catra doesn’t want to get her hopes up.

~*~

It’s six in the morning when Adora wakes again, sweaty and worried and stomach in knots.

“This is fucking stupid,” she whispers to herself.

But she can’t stop herself from missing Catra.

Normally, she wakes up around eight.

Adora makes breakfast and Catra watches her make breakfast, backseat cooking and making idle comments about nothing. They eat together, get ready for the day together.

Catra teases Adora about her coveralls and Adora asks why Catra has to be so dressed up for another day of sitting in a room and processing citizen complaints. 

Even though their work is in different directions, they walk together a couple blocks. 

Always talking.

Today’s a Sunday, which means Catra doesn’t go into work. If Adora does, Catra goes with her, and they spend the entire day together fixing up temp housing and competing to see who can get more done.

If Adora doesn’t go into work, they spend the day in the park with Jumelle, or an evening at the club with Kessie, or analyzing local flora and fauna with Entrapta. Sometimes they go to the cliffs. Occasionally they visit New Salineas and shower an uncomfortable Vedette with praise. Usually they visit Shea and Elegy. Sometimes, if they’re feeling daring, they go to Scorpia’s gym. 

But who knows? Maybe Catra’s going to spend the entire day with her date, whoever the fuck they are.

She obviously felt strongly enough to spend the night.

Adora groans, flopping over and covering her head with her pillow. 

She needed to go back to sleep. Then the thoughts would stop.

She needs them to stop.

She goes back to sleep, but the thoughts don’t stop.

~*~

It’s around eight when Catra silently leaves the house, careful not to disturb Elegy and Shea, still sleeping.

She walks through Pluma, and for a little bit, in the early morning, when everything’s quiet and calm, and no one expects anything of her and she doesn’t have to answer any fucking questions about Adora, for a little bit, she feels peaceful. 

She allows herself to hope. _She’s in love with you._

She reaches New Luna and the feeling dissipates. 

She calls a cab back to her apartment.

It’s quick and it’s blessedly silent, and by nine she’s unlocking the door to her apartment, sighing heavily, very purposefully not allowing herself to imagine what Adora’s lips feel like.

She swings through the door, dropping her bag, relishing the thud.

Catra sweeps her eyes over the room, smiling slightly at all of Adora’s things everywhere. There are the blankets she never folds strewn all over the floor, the lamp Kessie guilted her into buying unplugged and sitting by her empty backpack, the few clothes she has hung up near the window. 

It’s… perfect. 

Catra’s torn out of her thoughts abruptly by a crash. Her ears snap up, body tensing, but she almost immediately relaxes when she hears a long string of unapologetic swear words coming from the bathroom.

“Adora?” She calls out, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice.

There’s another crash, then some scuffling, and Adora stumbles into the room, face red, shirt splattered with water, holding a wrench.

“Cat-- Catra! Oh my god-- hey! I’m just fixing the faucet. I, uh, I didn’t know when you were coming home-- or _if_ you were coming home for that matter, ha, if you, um, get what I mean. Um…”

She continues rambling, but Catra doesn’t hear her.

Catra sees Adora, and how she hasn’t moved out yet, even though there have been dozens of opportunities to, and she sees Adora, who makes an effort with her friends even though they’re mean to her, and she sees Adora, who babysits Elegy, even though it means she can’t go out with Catra, just so Shea can. She sees Adora, who cooks breakfast every morning, but not dinner, because she’d rather go out with Catra to eat. And Catra sees Adora, who’s still shocked by all that Catra’s done here, who wastes no opportunity to say just that. 

Catra sees Adora for what seems like the very first time.

And she’s so in love with her.

And it’s _requited_.

Catra sees it.

Yeah, it took years and years and years and a war and a completely different continent and an emotional journey and someone else to point it out to her, but she sees it.

“Do you want to go up to the cliffs today?” Catra asks, interrupting Adora’s ramblings.

Adora blinks, like she’s surprised. “Uh-- yeah, yeah, of course.”

Catra smiles.

~*~

“How, um, how was your hot date?” Adora asks, looking everywhere but at Catra.

Thankfully, there’s a lot to see.

It’s cloudy, overcast, and the ocean is whipped up, with huge waves crashing against the cliffs and white caps stretching as far as Adora can see.

It’s beautiful.

She fixates on a seagull, waiting for Catra’s response.

Catra scoffs. “You really want to hear about it?” 

“Well, if you spent the night, it’s worth talking about,” Adora replies, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. The seagull catches the wind and glides.

Catra laughs, and it’s light and beautiful and makes Adora’s heart wrench. 

“I didn’t. Spend the night, I mean,” Catra finally says, tail flicking against Adora’s arm. 

“Where did you go then?” Adora asks, pleasant surprise rolling through her. The seagull dips, loses his breeze.

“Shea’s.”

Adora laughs slightly, relief flooding her. “Thank god. I was so worried.”

“Worried?” Catra says in that dangerous tone. “Worried about what?”

Adora clears her throat nervously, lifting a hand to rub at the back of her neck. “Just… worried about you. I, uh, didn’t know if you had gotten kidnapped or whatever.”

Catra stretches, shifts closer. “Oh, you see, for a second there it sounded like you were worried that I had spent the night at this girl’s apartment.”

The seagull catches a gust again, and does a little roll before diving down, down, down, floating along the water.

“Oh shut up. Just tell me about the date,” Adora says quickly. She knows Catra’s watching her, a stupid smirk on her face, but she doesn’t meet her gaze.

This was dangerous ground.

“It was fine. Nice. Just wasn’t… it.”

There’s something in Catra’s voice that makes Adora pause. It sounds like a confession of something important, even though it isn’t. Isn’t it? If you just took the words by themselves, it was nothing, but there was something raw about the way Catra said it, something that made Adora’s heart thump unexpectedly.

“ _It_? I didn’t know you were looking for a wife,” Adora says airily, eyes darting to Catra.

Catra laughs, head tipped back, and slips a hand into Adora’s.

“You’re such an idiot, Adora.”

Adora loses sight of the seagull.

As she dares a glance at Catra, she realizes she doesn't mind.

~*~

“Damn, Catra. I thought we were being nice to each other now,” Adora says, and it’s more casual, more relaxed, versus earlier, when she was all detached and nervous. 

Catra scoots closer, rests her head on Adora’s shoulder.

They’ve done it so many times, they fit so well together.

Like puzzle pieces, like petals on a flower, like… Catra and Adora, Adora and Catra. They’ve always fit so well together, whether they were friends or enemies or… this.

_She’s in love with you._

“I am being nice,” Catra murmurs, eyes fluttering closed. 

“Did you sleep last night?” Adora asks. “If you’re tired, we can head back--”

Catra laughs softly, eyes opening, cutting Adora off abruptly. “I’m fine, Adora.”

Adora’s nervous expression melts into that stupid, hopeful one.

Catra doesn’t hate it.

~*~

“I’m fine, Adora.”

Catra’s amused by her concern, that much is obvious. 

“Just making sure.”

A pause.

“Hey, Adora.”

“Yeah, Catra?” Adora responds, smiling slightly.

“I think you’re my favorite person.”

Adora gasps softly, the words pulling her back through time, through years and years of fighting and clinging to each other so tightly, and of shielding each other from Shadow Weaver and sneaking out to pick peonies, and whispering promises.

Adora twists, and the breath promptly leaves her lungs when she sees the way Catra’s looking at her.

Catra has lifted her head from Adora’s shoulder and, using the tip of her finger, tilts Adora’s face towards her, forcing Adora to look her square in the eye, and Adora’s heart goes into double time as she sees the hunger in Catra’s eyes, the way her lips are parted, her eyebrows are creased, and the way her eyes are dilating. 

Adora can’t breathe.

She _physically_ cannot force breath into her lungs, she is rendered immobile, because Catra’s looking at her like that, right?

Early morning, atop a cliff, with rain clouds moving in and seagulls circling their heads… and Catra’s looking at her like that.

“Adora?”

“Yeah?” she forces out, trying to sound confident, but her voice is trembling and she can just barely keep herself from straining forward.

“Am I your favorite person?” Catra asks, skating a hand into Adora’s hair. She leans in a little closer. Excruciatingly close, so close that their noses are touching, and if they speak too fast their lips will brush. 

To be completely honest, it doesn’t shock Adora that a nearly uncontrollable urge to kiss Catra is washing over her. 

It’s been a long time coming.

Adora’s so wrapped up in her thoughts of Catra, and how badly she wants to kiss Catra, that she almost doesn’t notice Catra’s hand settling on the back of her neck, delicate and warm, and god, it makes her want to close her eyes, lean into the touch, take her guard down completely.

She’s mesmerized by Catra’s eyes, her touch, the way she almost whimpers when Adora settles a shaky hand on her cheek.

“Of course you are.”

After what seems like an eternity, their lips meet.

~*~

Catra _kisses_ Adora and the entire world stops, freezes, recalibrates, and it’s like the feeling of being in her arms, a feeling Catra knows all too well, and it’s jumping through fire to see her again, and it’s laughing and staying and it’s relief, freedom, happiness. 

That small, itty bit of hope Catra’s kept nestled away in her chest blooms, explodes, and Old Catra, New Catra, whatever, melts away, it all melts away, and all she is a mess of tears and kisses and hugs from kids and laughter from her friends.

~*~

Adora _kisses_ Catra and it’s like a world exploding, it’s like a thousand stars returning to the sky and like a second heart beating, it’s like… it’s like a beginning, it’s like being so close your tears mingle.

Everything’s gone, except for Catra and Adora, Adora and Catra, and they both know every single tick and every single beat of each other’s heart.

~*~


	4. obvious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the epilogue!! Short & sweet.

They’re dancing. 

It’s midnight, quiet piano drifts in from somewhere outside the open window, and they’re dancing.

Catra’s sure she’s dreamed about this before, the dancing, but she can’t remember when, because all she registers at the moment is Adora.

Adora’s cheek against hers, Adora’s hands around her waist, Adora’s quiet laugh rumbling out of her. 

Adora pulling back, Adora leaning in, Adora’s lips on hers. 

“I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you too.”

A soft twirl, a softer dip. 

“Glimmer and Bow are gonna shit a brick,” Adora murmurs at one point.

“What?” Catra asks, worry infecting the calm.

Adora laughs, leans in, nuzzles her neck. “I’ve been telling them for weeks about how crazy I am about you. They’ve been yelling at me to tell you for I don’t even know how long.”

Catra grins, blushing. “Yeah well, all of our friends will react similarly.”

“Our friends?” Adora asks, eyes lighting up.

Catra rolls her eyes. “Um, yeah. Our friends. Duh.”

“Well, I don’t know how I feel about  _ our _ friend Kessie giving you hickeys every other day.”

Catra laughs softly, loving how she can feel Adora grin.

“I guess I’ll tell her to stop, then,” Catra says, tucking her head into Adora’s shoulder. “Gonna break that poor girl’s heart.”

Adora snorts softly. “Please. She and Jumelle have been fucking each other’s brains out for months.”

Catra stops moving, pulling away from Adora. 

“ _ What _ ?”

Adora stops with her, smiling slightly, eyebrows raised. “You didn’t know?”

“What--  _ no _ ! No, I didn’t know! How do you--  _ what _ ?” 

“It’s so  _ obvious-- _ ”

“What’s  _ obvious _ about it--  _ Adora _ !” 

Catra swats Adora’s arm as she laughs, a giddy grin on her face.

“Well, maybe not so much  _ obvious _ ,” Adora murmurs, folding Catra back into her arms. “I mean, I was wondering, but when I walked in on them fucking in the bathroom at Shea’s house all of the pieces pretty much came together.”

“Oh my god. At  _ Shea’s _ house?” Catra mutters, shaking her head. “That’s not right. A  _ child _ lives in that house.”

Adora nods in agreement. “It disturbed me too. But I’ve had time to get used to it.”

Catra starts to nod, starts to get sucked back into the quiet paradise of being in Adora’s arms, but then stops, abruptly pulling away again.

“How long have you had time to ‘get used to it’?”

Adora starts rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. “Like… two months?”

Catra gasps, shoving Adora away. “Traitor! You’ve been holding onto this for  _ two fucking months _ and you didn’t tell me?”

“Listen, it wasn’t your business--”

“Bullshit! They’re my friends!” Catra exclaimed.

“What happened to  _ our _ friends?”

“Fuck  _ our _ friends-- wait, no, nevermind, because they’re fucking each other!”

Adora laughs, loud and bright, and pulls Catra closer, gently kissing her cheek.

“Okay. I apologize for not telling you about Jumelle and Kessie’s  _ obvious _ relationship--”

“Bitch.”

“It’s  _ obvious _ , Catra.”

“You’ve said that, like, a thousand times!”

The bickering continues, occasionally interrupted by dancing breaks, because, despite the importance of the argument, a good song can’t go to waste.

They kiss each other softly, casually, like they have all the time in the world to do it.

They do.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I cried when I finally finished this just because... it's finally over. This was exhausting to write, but I'm so happy I did.  
> Love you all.


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